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hey,

 

well i would say that maybe she needs time it seems by you saying that

1: you recently broke up and

2: she was madly in love with you

that she may need time just to overcome this emotions, not let go but come to understand them.

i feel that by her emailing you, shes showing that she still cartes and wants to be able to talk but isnt ready for the physical/ meeting up type of interaction yet.

i would give her time let her get her grounds.

 

did you end upon bad terms or reasons because that could be pasrt f, and sometimes its easier to pick at the bad things instead of admitting you miss the good. dont worry shell come back, shell know when shes ready. and a relationship cant always be perfect so dont worry about that either.

anyway hope this helped.

 

kel

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It's very likely that she has very strong feelings for you but feels its best that you're not together. She probably finds it very difficult to move on right now and feels that if she doesn't communicate with you she will be able to get on with her life sooner since talking to you would be a constant reminder of her feelings. Email is a bit more one way so there's less feeling involved as opposed to talking to someone directly.

 

If that's the case the reason she's picking apart your relationship is to justify the breakup, its part of the grieving process for the ones that leave (as the one getting left sits and tries to figure out what they did wrong etc..). Chances are she does care about you but needs time to get over her feelings, the best thing to do is give her that space. The best thing you can do is to avoid talking about the relationship when you speak to her via email and keep in mind the reasons why she's acting the way she is.

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Everybody handles things differently. Sounds to me like she's dealing with the breakup by being angry and making you out to be the bad guy (very childish). I wouldn't sweat it too much. Cut off contact with her. If she asks why, tell her you don't appreciate how she's treated you. Eventually the dust will settle.

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I know this does you no good, but you can't let what she's saying bother you. She's dealing with this the way she needs to regardless of how if affects you. You need to deal with it the way you need to. I recommend you deal with it by cutting off all contact. Generally I try not to answer people by telling them my own story, but I see similarities. I'm 33, married with two kids. Everytime my wife and I fight, the first thing she does is get on the phone with everybody we know and tells them what a horrible person I am. She'll even call my friends and tell them things that aren't true at all. For her, what matters is that people view her as the victim and me as the terrible husband. When we are getting along, she always feels bad about doing it and acknowledges that the things she told people about me were lies and exaggerations but she can't help it. The thought of anyone thinking she's done anything wrong or that any of our problems are her fault is too much for her to deal with. Her brain instantly switches into this "blame him, feel bad for me" mode. One of the reasons we stayed together for so long (besides the kids) is that I couldn't deal with the thought that everyone thought I was this horrible person. Since I don't believe in airing dirty laundry, I never defended myself to anyone, I just allowed them to believe her side of things. Finally (and after a lot of therapy) I realized that I can't change her and I certainly can't stay with her just because I'm worried what she's going to tell people about me. I know I'm a good person. I know I made mistakes but I always acknowledged them and corrected them. I have to believe in me and believe that in the end, the truth will come out (it always does). Your ex sounds like she has the same personality trait as my wife. It's good that you're seeing this now instead of after 10 years of marriage and two kids. Forget about her, move on, don't worry about what she says. People who know you will know the truth and those that don't know you don't matter anyway.

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Let her go for now. You pressuring her is only going to drive her away faster and harder, which I'm quite sure you don't want. If she's asking for space, give it to her. I understand that you're contacting her because you love her and don't want to lose her, but you also need to show her you RESPECT her. Pushing yourself into her life when she's said she wants to be alone is lack of respect, and will only make her angry.

 

Worry about yourself a little bit. Think about what changes you could have made in the relationship to make her happier, and what she could have changed to make you happier. Every relationship problem is generally based on a lack of communication when the problems start brewing, and are further fed by not speaking about it, whether because you're afraid to make the other person mad/upset, or because you figure you'll just "let it go for now." But the resentment is still there, and only grows worse the longer you let it go.

 

She may come back, if you can show her that you've done as she asked...but if she does, be prepared to have some serious talking to do about how the relationship needs to change...jumping right back into it without discussing the issues each of you had with it will only lead to this again. Good luck!

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