Accepting first relationship/first love is over

[twentythree]

Hi I'm new to this forum and found that reading through some of these messages has helped me a bit.

 

I've been dating this girl for almost 3 years now. She was my first girlfriend and also my first love. We've had a rocky relationship the first year. She already left me once because she says she doesnt know how she feels about me. Apparently later she told me it was because this guy she had a crush on since college asked her out. She didnt know what to do, she didnt wanna loose me but also wanted to be with this guy at the same time. I waited for her to make up her mind.

 

I was so devestated to hear this.. I mean I treat my girlfriend good, I buy her anything she wants, I do things that make her happy and respect her parents and family I couldnt believe she was doing this to me.

 

She later made up her mind that she wanted to be with me. When we got back she left me for that guy described above. My love for her never did die.

 

Two months being with him she comes running back crying on the phone how everything she had done in the past month has hit her. "you realise what you have lost when u dont have it anymore" She wanted to come back.

 

 

Before I took her back she told me she knows what she wants for sure and that is to be with me till marriage....she also said she would not come back and hurt me the second time. We lasted for another 2 years.

 

Just last sunday she dropped a bomb on me. I bought it up cause I could see changes in her feelings for me...she hardly hugged me when we're together and found it hard to say I love you.

 

She told me on the phone that she did love me but her feelings has changed now, "I did love you but was never in love with you, maybe its because you love me too much"

 

She inflicted such a bad wound on my heart with that phrase. I put my heart and soul into this realtionship, I never cheated on her and never treated her bad. Why is she doing this to me?

 

I tried to work things out with her but she said she had been feeling that way for the last 2 months now... I cant believe almost 3 years with her she hides this away from me. She tought it was phase she was going through so she didnt wanna tell me. When I approached I looked her in the eye and she started crying, she covered her face with her hands and

said:

 

"I cant do this, I cant do this I cant get back with you ...I was never in love with you. Its not like when i see you I get head over heels. Thats the love I wanna feel about you. Its not fair for you cuz your love for me outweighs the love I feel for you tremendously. I did love you but its gone. " I want time to myself. Breaking it off with you is hard cause you've treated me so nice. I could get back with you again but i know after a few months Ill be feeling like this again. Its not fair for you and me."

 

Never did give me a chance to make it right for her. My mates and some of her friends told me I took her back too easily the first time and that I treated her too good thats why she feels like that.

 

 

I mean how else can you treat your own girlfriend? Treat her bad so she loves you more? how ridicolous is that?

 

I am so madly in love with her and I dont know how i'm gonna get over this...she hurt me so bad. I cant even sleep at night with the lights off now, the darkness just seems to press against my chest.

 

I dont think I will get over her, please help. Its my first relationship and I'm so scared I wont get through this.

 

Finding it hard to accept that its over. I'm very lost at the moment.

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

I'm sorry to hear of your recent break up, I understand a lot happened that you don't understand and you are looking for answers.

While I cannot tell you why your ex felt the way she did when she broke up with you, I can tell you one thing that you may find hard to believe at the moment. She was not worth it. She hurt you the first time, and you did try to make things work the second time around. It sounds to me like a case of immaturity or uncertainty in what she really wanted.

I can tell you this, you will get through this. It's not going to be easy and you're going to feel discouraged along the way, but it will happen. The first love is always the hardest to get over, but you will get over her. I can assure you of that.

I suggest you seek comfort in your friends and family, but also allow yourself the time to grieve. Many people suggest that you surround yourself with friends, but it is ok to spend time alone and feel sadness. That is part of the healing process.

I encourage you to continue to come back to enotalone for advice and support. We are all here for you.

Best wishes.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I've just been through the same thing… just in fast motion. It all happened in a year. At least for you your ex saw the flaw in herself and won't hurt you again. You have spent too long dealing with something that you don't know. She was never completely truthful with you about how she was feeling, so you didn't know what was going on. Find something you do know and put all you have into that. For me it's been Christ. I've spent a lot of time learning how to hear his voice. The more I put in, the more I know. It's much better than poring all that you have into something and only becoming more uncertain. Find something though. I would suggest my rout for the simple reason that it's the one place where even the worst situation helps you grow.

[real amour]

Hello Twentythree. I totally applaud your girlfriend and admire her for her courage. She does not want to her you and is feeling complete guilt and that is why she has found it hard to break up until now. You have been fixing her previous scars or filling her fear of not finding someone else and that is no basis to continue and build a life on. I know this, how? Because I am that girl, who did not have the courage and now I continued, wed, had 2 kids and the reality is also hitting me (the reason I show up on this board).

 

I love my man dearly, but I am not in love with him and probably never have been. Please believe her and let her go. It is no use as she has things she needs to learn. And yes, you were probably too in love with her, like your love was enough for the two of you. Again, do not put up a fight, DO NOT MAKE her feel guilty. Part as friends. She loves you but you do not push all her buttons and for her, you are not her every breath.

 

Right now you probably think you can't find someone, but you can and you will.

[twentythree]

Thanks faeriechyld for your comforting words. I've decided not to fight back to win her heart. To make someone love you is impossible. It suxs that I'm the only one hurting cause she's the kind of person who wouldnt care less anyway.

 

Its not worth the heartbreak fighting to win her heart. To be honest I really want her to come back but theres also the weaker side of me who says what is the use, shes done it the 3rd time then she'll do it the 4th time. Its hard but i will have to move on.

 

This is the 5th day of healing and its still very painful, seems like it wont end. On bad days the burning in my chest is just too much to handle making me wanna ring her and go over her house and sort it out

but with support of friends they help me refrain from doing so.

 

I've taken advice from REAL AMOUR, thanks. Its great to see so many caring people on this forum. Every time I wake up in the middle of the night missing her so much but turn to this forum and read other peoples stories who is experiencing breakups as well.

 

Thanks for the support, its easier when you got people putting things into perspectives for you.