What does he mean already???

[musicchicus]

So, my on again, off again relationship and I had a discussion - once again - the other day.

 

He said, again that we are not going to have a future together. That I am his "best friend", but that we can not be together.

 

...And then several sentences later, he tells me AGAIN that he cares so much about me and that he doesn't want to lose me. He says AGAIN that he can't stand the idea of my having physical connections with anyone else...so I ask why he is letting me go...and he says "I can't think about it" - what the heck does that mean?

 

One breathe is "we are just friends. We are never going to be more..." and "you need to let me go, I want to see other women..." and the next is "I care so much about you, don't want to lose you...yada, yada...don't have sex with anyone else..."

 

Now, a little bit of background - he is divorced (not from me) and getting over a long term relationship (again, not me) and has admitted that he needs time to play the field and get to know others and too see if what he wants (I think there is some pressure from his friends, but can't confirm this, but whenever we have a discussion about it, he usually realizes what he is missing).

 

I can't stand the idea of him being with others, but have basically told him again and again that if he needs to do that...then he should. BUT HE HASN"T!!!

 

What is going on with him? Guys? What is he thinking? Does he really care or is he just paying lip service (I can usually tell when he is being sincere and seems to be) or is he truly wanting to screw around?

 

Anything I can do about this or is letting him the right thing...will he come back? Should I persue the "just friends" relationship in the hopes that he will?

 

Arrgghhhh, help!!!

[no6]

There are a lot of blokes out there who have a commitment phobia. The symptoms tend to be that he will wine and dine you, treat you real great and bring you close to him. Everything seems fine and you develop a trust. However, when it gets too close suddenly a panic develops within him and he wants out. You are left feeling confused and upset, yet if you do make a move to split up, he astonishingly wants you back and treats you like a princess again. This type of yo-yoing is typical and takes a lot of understanding. Unfortunately, there is not a lot that can change him apart from himself within.

If this sounds anything like accurate then rest assured it is nothing you have done wrong. I'm a bloke who has felt these urges in the past so have an idea of what the score is, but he probably doesn't want to upset you, just the way he is.

One last thought. Men really do need to be on their own at times, some more than others. Go into their 'caves' as it was put in the old Men are from Mars, Women from Venus books. It's so true. Don't feel rejected if this happens. Hope this has been of some help.

[musicchicus]

Thanks for the response no...

 

I don't think he is actually a CP. He was never much of a winer and diner... And, more importantly, he was with his wife for 12 years total. And when that ended, he was with another women for 2 years and loved her completely.

 

I think I understand the cave thing...I guess I do this too sometimes. But what I can't figure out is if this guy actually has feelings for me or if I am just kidding myself and should just stop trying to maintain contact.

 

If he truly does care for me, won't he come around eventually?

 

But if he really doesn't love me at all, then I need to just get over him...

 

How does one know?