helpme79

reading all these posts over again i have realised that there is nothing in them that is new i dont live with my head in the sand you people think that this is the first time i have asked for advice its the same old sh%$ the underlying thing is that being that i have never been with a woman and this has caused me to have a very low self esteme of my self so all the talking in the world is never going to change that al you people can say what you want but until you have walked in my shoes you have no clue i know some people are probably saying why dont you pick up a hooker and get laid well if i wanted a disease i would i want some one to care about me the way i care about them i have been very generous in the way i use to deal with friends and aquaintances but it has come to the point were no more i have been burned to many times its time to take the gloves off as for taking care of this person well if i dont kill her thats a good thing but if things dont change well i cant really say what i will do heres an analogy as to what i am going thru a starving man standing outside a diner with out any money looking for the door and no wayin to get any he can look in and dream and see all the people enjoying their meal but knows that he'll never be able to get in.

I read all your posts and am still not convinced that this will correct anything for I have done everything that was suggested the websights yahoo, he## I even tried a couple of the sex dating websights to no avail I have been at this for a year had my picture in my profile as well and not a single response now do you see why I am so bitter and no I dont put in my profile that I am a virgin why that would scare off people i know no one wants someone thats that inexperienced especially at my age as for hating my mother think about it i am in this hell because i have to take care of her so unless she dies soon the longer i have to do this the worse it will be for her. as for church and turning to god i think thats a little selfish to ask him for anything when there are a lot of people in worse situations than me that need his help he already has decided how my life is going to be so I guess i have to accept this fate I am not hapy with it but what the heck I learned early on in life how hard it can be I just never thought that my actions earlier in life would have led to were i am now a pissed off low self esteemed piece of sh## who been given a job that I despise. as for getting out my time to my self is from 10pm to 12am not much time to start any kind of relation with anyone thats why I dont have any friends either all have abandoned me because I am stuck with this F$#@%^!* job.

what do you think i just fell off the apple cart here the govt first of all doesnt provide assistance in any way shape or form I hve already looked into that as for enrolling in a class if it was that easy to solve this problem i wouldnt be here like I said I have had no experienced with women the bottom line is I am afraid of women because I have never ever been with a woman other than in a professional work manner.personally i cant wait for this parent to die so i can get on with my life part of the reason I feel i am this way is because of how this parent had control over my life granted I probably should have never let it happen but murder was a crime last time i checked. I am just so angry that this is the hand i was delt and i need to vent before i do something i will regret later by the way i have done the club thing as well as the single thing but i am limited in what i can do because the only time i have is when i can sneek away when she is asleep and that only for a couple hours solike i said i have come to realize that until this ends i will just deal with it on a day to day basis with this hey dont get me wrong i would like to meet someone but 43 years is a lot to undo in such a short time i would have like to have had some kids but at 43 i dont think its possible. life sucks and taking care of someone you hate makes it even worse

First of all I am not looking to have anyone help me get laid I have been this long with out ever having sex that i have given up on it its just i am very affraid that i will hurt someone because i am so angry with how @!#$@# my life has turned out i never wanted to be stuck taking care of my parent alone when i have a brother that has decided that it is easier to sling verbal attacks at me instead of helping me take care of her we have not heard from him in 3years and he lives 3 miles away from us i am barred from contacting him because he has decided to put a restraining order on me because i chastised him for not taking a more active role in my mothers care. I feel like the walls are coming down all around me. I am a person that is a religious person and i remember a saying that god would not have given me somthing if he new i couldnt handle it well i just hope he knows what hes doing because i really dont know how long i can take this. The thing about a relation well one thing i notice is that i am very jealous of couples on the street that i see because i say why cant that ever be me or when i read in the paper the wedding announcements it just makes me so pissed, or see a movie or somthing on tv. I for some reason just cant seem to shake these feelings they have been going on for years its just recently that i have had enough and have turned into this very mean person believe me if i told you some of the thing s that i have done it would not be pretty.

I am just what the title says and am sick to death of it, its not like I havent tried to go out with women but for some reason women dont like me I have been turned down by every woman I have ever asked out and the ones I know say that "oh you dont want to go out with me" why they say this I dont know I am a very honest person, compassionate and a very good friend but it seems that after a while women either get tired of me or I dont know because after a while they wont even take my phone calls I am not the kind of person that would ever pressure anyone in to going out with me so I just chaulk it up to I am just not interesting enough to keep a persons attention. I have finally come to grips that I am one of those people that will just be lonely for the rest of my life. I know this sounds self defeating, I have been to therepy and that didnt help 3 doctors and all it seemed was that they were more concerned about being paid than helping anyone I wish that I had a friend to talk to but all I have is an ailing aging mother that I have been forced to take care of talk about putting a crimp in some ones life. I walk around constantly pissed off snapping at the least provacation, I cant tell you the amount of times I have snapped and yelled at my mother for nothing shes done but I guess because I am so upset that I take it out on the closest person which happens to be her I am stuck with her day in and day out never any time for myself I am slowly watching my life slip away getting older and older where I cant help but think that this is what I have to look forward to an empty life with no one to care about or any one to care about me. I know this sounds like sour grapes but I am really at my wits end If I dont do something I am afraid for the person I take care of I have so much anger that I cant control myself sometimes and its just a matter of time before I take it out on her physically.