tarzann22

okayy, so you sent me a snapchat. When i first got it, so many things went through my head. I finally opened it and all it did was make me angry, pissed off. It got me thinking why on earth are you contacting me, are you trying to be my friend? I cannot at this current time forgive you for the things you said to me. You were my best friend and you said things that a friend should never say to another. To me its been 3.5 months now, it feels like its been longer, i feel that you are the past and its long gone and over. I am happier now days even though you plague my mind. It got me thinking did you send me that snapchat just to me? or was it to other people also? but why would you consider sending it to me when we arnt even on talking terms? i guess its a question i wont know and im fine with not knowing. I was so angry and pissed off at you for betraying our friendship, but something clicked in me and i know all these questions need not be answered and to let go and just "dont worry"

I hate that i think about you, i know i shouldnt but sometimes i cant help it. All i want to do is forget you existed. I keep going from missing you so much to dont even give a crap about you. I dont want to think about the past its already gone, i dont want to think of a future with you its not even there. I need to think of just here and now this current moment. I know going NC with you will be better for me in the long run. If i stayed your friend, everyday id hurt more and more and more and more more more. Till eventually id be a crappy friend to you or ill phase to NC anyways.

My rose coloured glasses are off. I now know how selfish and self centred you are. You were my bestest of friends. When i was hurting over you all you did was ask me for advice on your insecurities of your new bf. Not once did you ask if id be okay or how im doing. If it were me id make sure you are okay cauae thats what best friends are for. Lucky im a strong person and i can look after myseld. Thankyou for telling me id be a rebound and telling me that you had sex with him the day after i told you my feelings. I dont give second chances and i dont open a door ive closed. You asked me if i would be there for you if he breaks up with you, but where were you when i needed you? In the matter of princple stand like a rock.

Its funny how i posted this a few days ago and today i feel that ive made a break through and im slowly seeing the light in my dark tunnel. My emotions for her has died down alot and ive started to see the "bad" things about her. There is always hope out there!

i miss you still... would be the words id say to you to reply to the two msgs you have sent me. But i do know that saying those words wont make you break up with your bf or want me. I know where your heart lays and its not with me but with him. All i want to do is hurry up and get you out of my system. But certain times it burns me up inside on how much i miss you. All i want to do is forget you ever existed. Im sorry i cant be your best friend again, doing so would bring me back to square one. I wish you were still mine, i never regret anything in life but for some reason i regret taking you for granted i should have made you my gf, but i guess i cant regret that seeming i didnt see you as one until i already lost you. Im doing my best to let you go, not because i dont care about you anymore. But its the only control i have over this. You dont need me in your life you have found your love of your life soul mate and best friend, unfortunately that isnt me. I guess ill take what we had a use this as a life lesson learnt, because i never make the same mistakes twice. If i were to be your best friend again, i think our friendship is damaged. Id be a friend to you due to having feelings for you. I see it as your bf now is your everything and he should be your best friend. I know how much you love him. How you talk about him, how you suddenly smile over nothing because of him. Watching you fall in love so quickly with him is the worst pain ive ever felt. I know that your happy and that should be the only thing that matters. Just im not there to make you happy. I hate sometimes i feel that im great to move on and forward in life, then out of no where a simple moment changes my day and im so sad and miss you so much. But i guess thats how life goes. I cant wait for the day i no longer feel pain. 2 months now, 2 months too long. I know we will never talk again in this lifetime cause it was me that closed the door on you. Sorry i couldnt just be your friend like how we always were but i cant control or pretend my feelings arnt there.