MaggieRose

I'm not sure why I liked you now. It's a little embarrassing to think about, when I do.

I miss you. SO much.

You and I weren't even a real couple. Yes we had a highly inappropriate and emotionally intense friendship, but it wasn't official. You've been gone not even two weeks now. I miss you, and my brothers miss you - you were the one and only person I ever knew who was never two-faced, always kept your word and believed so strongly in the three of us as you did. While I could say our friendship during it's course was healing in many ways, including addressing some issues I had previously ignored or rather had not recognised from my past; at the same time, you did bring out a lot of my insecurities - I felt I wasn't pretty or smart enough for you. If I was, I might've been your girlfriend, right? But it's like that song by Billy Joel, "When you love someone, you're always insecure". And if you ever do come back to visit, I have to confess that I wouldn't be with you, even if you asked me to be with you; even if you told me none of the women out there were what you were looking for. Because it just hurts too greatly, and because I realise that being such opposites as we were would never, ever work out - at least not in a healthy dynamic. As I'm the younger one and still at such an impressionable age, I could easily have been molded into what you wanted me to be - but that would mean losing myself. That would mean admitting that what I believe in and centre my life around was nothing but utter "bull" as was your open opinion of spirituality. But it does sting greatly that you thought it would be better to marry a woman from your own heritage because that's what your mother wanted. I always suspected you were a mommy's boy.