Deadman69

I don't think about you as much .... But I dream about you every night god I wish it would stop

Dear An???? I'm deeply sorry that it came to this , that you couldn't talk to me. You were my whole world and I can't imagine waking up each day without talking to you , holding you or telling you good morning. I miss you so much I can't understand why you blasted your Facebook with pics of you and him so quickly . I truly feel embarrassed like there is a defect in me like I'm ugly. I was really trying to hold on for thirteen years hopefully you would see me as I saw you ...my destiny. There are times that I felt so angry with you , you put spectre on my computer, you made keys to my apt., you put voice activated recorders underneath my bed to see if I was watching dirty movies, passwords to my email! Facebook ! Home phone !!! Aaaarrrrgggh!!! Why ... Cause you were my high school crush I was so blinded. When we fought maybe I should have been more patient , I should have never called you names or yelled maybe I am abusive I don't know but my patience was low considering I felt walked on .. I gave you everything I could emotionally ,financially . You could have done anything you wanted to and in the mean time you were my warden and Sherlock Holmes at the same time. When you bought a house on your own how did would make me feel!!! When I tried to break it off why did you try fighting for me???!! For the money? Cause I was comfortable ?!! Why did you pretend to be somebody your not for a year just to break my heart . Telling your just trying to push yourself and you just met this guy!!! You are a god damn liar , you wouldn't put him on your profile pic unless you were really comfortable. The only thing I regretted if I could turn back time I would work more on me . I would feel better as a man and you probably wouldn't have got bored with me. There is nothing I can do now. You seem happy so ill leave you be but I can't hate you cause that's not who I am .. I still miss you , I love you.... I feel so empty . God please give me a sign everything is gonna be ok. Is there any such thing as love or is it something made up in movies. Please ...god My best friend gave me some advice that from my childhood I had to learn everything on my own and from what she saw I'm a terrific person and I did the best I could if I'm introverted that's just me, she could have realized 12 years ago On her part she has a family that she's close to and still chose to do what she did. She treated me like a desease that if she ignored I would go away. After 14 years you break up with me over the phone. Maybe I don't deserve love , I name called and yelled when I should have been loving and patient

Well spoken