Stevo83

Today is when I let go. I'm tired of hoping, hurting. I should have never let you back in my life. You are the one I have loved most but the very thing that is destroying me. This has been the hardest struggle I have ever dealt with. Trying to change everything about me that related me to you. Meeting, dating new girls. Not exactly giving my undivided attention because the thought of you was still present in my mind. Yes at the moment I thought I was fine. Then I assumed you had already met someone during that time. I was so close to letting go. And yet you entered into the picture again. *Trying not to let you get to me I pretended i didn't care. Weeks go by and you told me you missed me. I could no longer keep my feelings aside. I too missed you. Later on we have lunch. First time not so bad. Making small chat and catching up a little. Second time you tell me you were intimate with someone new. It wasn't even that long after we split. I felt disgusted going back to your apartment with you. Knowing you were willing to move on. And yet I still came in to sit down with you. Only because I love you. After some drinks we had sex that's what you called it. It was no longer making love. I had a hard time looking at the bed we bought knowing he was lying right where I was. Seeing his name on your mirror and an extra toothbrush in your bathroom. That spot used to be mine. Any memories that I had left behind before we said goodbye was not there anymore. They were gone, i was gone. Only to be replaced. Whatever I was capable of giving or sharing I no longer have the strength or faith to do so. It may not be intentional. I pray that it's not. But I can't be your support anymore. I will not sit here wanting something that you are not sure about. Why do I have to hurt while you make me think there is something left between us. Just because you feel comfortable around me does not make it alright to string me along until you find the next best thing. I don't want to be a back up...I tried to make you my number one. For some reason it wasn't good enough. Then the guy you date treats you bad and cheats on you in the very beginning and you're still in contact with him? I treated you better than that but I'm in the same category as him. I'm tired, I have nothing left to offer; to anybody...you have completely drained me of the person I used to be...now I see nothing is ever good enough. There aren't many happy endings. Not everyone wins.*

I'm hurt that you just used me as a cushion to fall back on until you found someone new