Squito

I love this post. A lot.

I'm done being angry with you and sad over what I lost. After all, how much of a loss is it if I didn't really have something to begin with? Today I looked at your Facebook for the first time since we broke up. I had a rough, emotional morning and my curiosity got the better of me. You're already in an official relationship with the girl you started seeing to the week you broke up with me. And I'm pretty sure you were talking to her towards the end of us anyway. Your status update about how happy she makes you are almost word-for-word the same ones you made about me not much longer than a month ago. I got a serious case of deja vu when I looked over everything. You know what else I got deja vu over? How even though you gush about her endlessly, you still still seem just as unhappy with life as you did before and you still make status updates about how confused and angry you are. Your excuse for breaking it off with me was that you hate being in a relationship when your life is in the state its in because you're so unhappy. Not to mention how you're maintaining your active OKCupid profile with your status still listed as single. I'm nosy and looked at hers and it is the same. But to her credit she hasn't logged in weeks. You logged in as recently as Monday. I don't wish any ill will towards you, nor her, nor you two as a couple. I honestly don't. I got a weird sense of calm and closure when I saw all that on your Facbeook since you never allowed me closure, a real reason, the truth, or a proper goodbye. Now I know my suspicions were right and I have the answers I need to fully move on. But please don't allow the deja vu to continue by doing to her what you did to me, and the girl before me. You crushed my world and my happiness overnight. You haven't the faintest idea of how much you did hurt me. And this girl doesn't deserve that even if I'm not her biggest fan from when she used to be in a circle of friends I was in. Don't blame her if she can't keep up with your erratic mood swings that happen at the snap of a finger several times a day. You just weren't that into me. You were at some point but you lost it. That's not your fault and you can't be blamed. It happens. I just hope that if history repeats itself once again (which I find likely given your dating history and emotional state, if we're being honest here) that you don't lie to her and you don't lie to yourself. Show her more respect than you showed me. Remember when your ex of a year cheated on you four times and how hurt you were? Or when the other one inexplicably left without any explanation? Do you remember how bad those made you feel? She is a human with feelings and emotion too. Remember that. If I'm wrong and it does work out between you two? Then good for you. It's not my nature to hold grudges against people so I do wish you well in life. For what it's worth, thank you for the good times, as tainted as the memories may be by how things ended.

I can't stand that you are out there having a great time and going on all these dates with this new girl of yours, meanwhile a little over a month later and I'm still stuck picking up the pieces of how much you hurt me. It sickens me that I know you feel absolutely no guilt about what you did and in that twisted head of yours you've convinced yourself that you have reason to be mad at me and that I'm a horrible person even though I was NOTHING but good to you. I'm trying my hardest to think of one thing I ever did to wrong you and I honestly from the bottom of my heart can't come up with anything. I only wanted to be there for you and get some kind of solid answer but you took the coward's way out. Somewhere buried deep in that conscience of yours you know how much of a complete heartless bastard you are and someday it will rear its ugly head, and who knows how many people you'll have pushed away by then. You come up with so many reasons to hold grudges against people and you never let them go. That's no way to go through life. It's true that we need to look out for ourselves first and foremost, but that doesn't mean you should lose all tact and courtesy whatsoever. But I'm done with these silly little fantasies I have in the back of my mind of if or when you'll contact me again and what I'd say or how I'd react. The memories of when you were good still hurt me and I miss them. The thought of this new girl of yours being able to experience that person I thought I knew still hurts me. But you were right about two things. 1) When you would tell me I'm strong. Damn right I'm strong. I'm going to get through this in time and learn from it and truly will become a stronger person. I've been doing really well and making strides but I've just been hitting a rough patch the last week or so. But you didn't learn anything and you'll keep up with your ways and sit there wondering why your life turned out the way it has. 2) "It's not you, it's me". You're right. Completely and totally right.

We haven't spoken or seen each other in exactly one month today after we parted on horrible terms. Hell, we didn't part on any terms since you couldn't even give me the decency of one word and instead blocked me and sped away from me. But I've been doing really well with NC and my healing is well underway. I've had no urge to contact you... until today when I woke up and heard the news about the movie theater shooting in your hometown, which you only moved here from earlier this year. I know most of your friends and family are out there. I really hope everything is alright and that none of your loved ones were injured. I'm deeply concerned and I hope you are okay and that today won't be too grueling for you with trying to get in touch with everyone out there. I know I shouldn't care anymore but you, your friends, and your family are in my thoughts today. Well you're in my thoughts every day, but especially today. You have no idea how badly I want to send this to you but I told you I'd never try to get in touch with you again and I am going to stand by that.