EVER YOURS

Why all this hurt??? Jeeez do I hurt !! Please get out of my head!!

You have isolated everyone now you are on this journey you always talked about! Over 20 years we had, yes there were bad times, sad times and downright heartache !! But there was love, I loved you and love you still. You loved me, but don't love me any more! It has been so hard to accept, but you have to do what you think is best. I hope that if you falter and want me back I will still be here for you, but I have to have a journey of my own now and you are not my priority any more ! I have to be my priority and have to look after me, I just need to be loved and be in love, I miss that !! Take care xxxxx

Why did you come and see me and cry??? Why are you so sad?? This is what YOU wanted, saying perhaps we will be together in the future does not make it better, it just makes you sound more confused!! I sincerely hope your journey works out for you, just don't run me over while you are on it please! Thanks....I will always love you and be full of regret.xx

Why do you play your games? Why text me and be nice after no contact from me? I broke and text you back and was nice, I have been there for you when you were at your lowest ever and you called on me!!! Then you go all nasty and cold again, so I have to start all over again!! 23 kin Years yes 23 years and you treat me like this!! I have to just concentrate on your nastiness now, how nasty you were to me and remember these thoughts! Be careful cos if you fall down again and need someone, be careful because it will NOT be me you hard faced materialistic (yes you chase after money, not feelings!!) ******!! And you say you are a caring person, yes you just care about you, not our kids, not your mum just you. Well I just hope it is a hard sad climb back for you into reality!!

Oh well that's it then the final reminder of us is gone!! Hope you find your soul mate, and our definition of love was very different in all areas!! I did and will always love you, however I have to close this book and open another. All the best.x

I so want to love again, but feel it isn't fair to love my new woman when I constantly think of you!! I just wanted things to end better, and I want to cuddle you and kiss your beautiful face one more time!! How can I stop loving you, how can you dismiss me so easily????

You have someone else now I know!! I dreaded the thought of you making love with someone else other than me!! BUT when you have made love to him and you wake up in the morning you will still have your personality issues and anger issues you always had!! I on the other hand have someone who loves me, is gentle, sweet and appreciates me for who I am. Go for it, hope you burn in hell for what you put me through!!

You will have to tell me, cos I am not contacting you. Please stop passing messages through others. I am moving on now I need to be loved and be in love, your personality disorder will be the breaking of you.! I now know how it is to be loved, she is fantastic. But I just need closure!! Tada x

I don't think I will ever stop loving you! Just want to do it the right way!!

DAY 4, this is harder than I thought. Get out of my head please!!! xxx

I wish that I could tell you how I feel and you would understand!! I wish you would bloody miss me like I am you!! I wish you could love me again!! Those are my three wishes used up I suppose!! And they all involve YOU. 3rd day NC and it is not a good one today!! I still love you.xxx

I'm so glad you text me yesterday, because I realise what a ***** you are!! You are selfish and nasty and even though I was there for you when you went through that really bad time recently, it still feels like you kick me in the balls every time you text. I text you a lovely text yesterday (in return of a nice one from you!!) and you text me Wotever!! Just that, well **** you from now on I'm moving on and going to be with someone who wants me!! Why I have been hanging around waiting for someone as nasty and *****y as you I will never know!!! Weekend away next weekend with my new lady friend, I kept putting her off, but do you know what, she would never be as nasty as you EVER !! She has time for me and loves me!! You keep doing what you're doing and meeting weirdo's, I promise you whatever happens when you meet your next weird person and he hurts you, go **** yourself I won't be there this time. Horrible horrible ***** !!

Sooooo, back to square 1, one whole day yesterday no texts, no calls, no emails, BUT it was such a rubbish lonely day!! I miss you so much and just want you to miss me too and to tell me that you miss me!! Over 20 Years together and you can move on just like that??? I know my inner self says if that's the case I must be better off without you, however I just want you to let me love you as I know I can. I have to make sure I do NOT contact you today, one day at a time!! I love and miss you so much...

Can't believe that I saw you last night, went to meet the kids and you were meant to be out!! Why did you say sorry?? Why don't you miss me and hurt as much as I do about you? I am drowning, god I miss you!! No sleep, plenty of tears (again!!!) and now I feel like crap and have to start trying to not contact you all over again. Someone stop this sad, emotional ride, I want to get off !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woke up this morning and still can't get you out of my mind!! Why do I want you to call, why do I want you to love me again? So many unanswered questions and I really want to be with you again. I find that I can't move on, I have tried but as much as I try and distance myself the more I want to be with you!! It is mad and my brain aches!!

I struggle to keep NC with you and do so well !! Then you call me out of the blue, just hearing your voice makes my life so difficult. I want to say and do so much with you, but you say it is dead you can be nasty, then you call me!! I'm sorry for the woman who wants to be in my life, she loves me but I'm still in love with you..... Why can't you just tell me you still love me!! See what you do when I hear your voice, I tried to be as aloof as possible without being rude, then you text me with a kiss on the end of it. Please please if you are playing games stop, if you mean it say it!! Do one or the other!! Or just do one and get out of my life completely!!

Another day, still hoping that you will text me or call me! Someone else loves me now and would do anything for me but it is unfair as I still love you so I keep her at arms length. I miss your moods, I miss making you laugh and I miss you sooo much it hurts!! I so want to have some good times with you and to see you smile and laugh with ME, I so want us to enjoy some quality time after all the sadness we put eachother through. I hate that I hid my love and emotions from you, now I have so much to give you are gone forever!! I love you more than ever, not because you are gone, but because I have changed into the man I always knew I could be. I have to be more mentally strong than ever. It hurts!!

How I wish you would call me, text me or email me! I just want to know that you care. We had over 20 Years together and went through some tough tough times, your affair (which I never got over!) and my gambling (which you never got over!) I would so much wish for us just to spend a little time together now as we are as people right now, because we both have changed and I feel that we are missing out on the real us. What am I doing ? I am killing myself and just want to be in love and be loved back, but I so want it to be with you. Am I mental? Very probably!!

I miss you, I have kept in contact and told you everything I feel. I want to love you how you want to be loved, BUT must stop the emails and texting now, I must be strong, you have moved on and are on your so called journey, well I am getting a train the other way now!! I will always love you but I have to do this for my own sanity!! Hope in years to come you will understand that I did this for all the right reasons and for ME. I have changed so much and actually like me at the moment, the only time I get down is after I have contacted you. I was there for you recently as you called me in your darkest hour (yes me, not your mum or dad or your friends ME!!) When I needed you (or so I thought!) you didn't afford me the same affection as I did to you, I have to be sooo strong and not reply to you. I will only be there for the children and they are grown up now and know where I am. Take care and try not to make the same mistake you made recently, cos I won't be there next time!