saluk

I was out sick with laryngitis for a month before this hit, and now they want me to stay home another 2+ weeks? Really annoying timing, but I have to count myself lucky that I generally like being alone. My girlfriend got sick and it's only a week but she's missing people terribly. She especially misses me because she didn't see me much while I was sick.

Also lucky that neither of us has corona. Since I was already quarantined I wasn't anywhere that I would have caught it, and it seems like she managed to miss it even though there was someone in her office who had it.

The big thing now is we are hoping her school will close as they are one of the only schools in the area that hasn't. It's putting a strain on a lot of the employees, and the students as well, especially knowing someone there had already tested positive.

The thing that sucks the most for me is that I'm in a community orchestra and I was so looking forward to the songs we were practicing for the winter season. We had gotten everything ready but then had to cancel all of our performances (we perform our concerts for free in rest homes, which is where people have been dying from covid). We started looking at our spring music, but now had to cancel our practices as well. We may not be able to play together again until fall.

Music being one of my main non-video game hobbies I'm feeling a lot less well-rounded all of a sudden.

But I feel silly complaining when so many are struggling with genuine financial and health related worries. I'm healthy, and even though I felt the drop in the stock market, I'm rich enough to be able to feel that drop so it's all kinda relative. And my job is very work from home friendly so I have no actual personal worries.

When my girlfriend is better we're going to try and see how we can help others who are actually struggling.

Sometimes the "get therapy, you need help, just break up" is flippant. We're only human too.

Often, it is "this thread has run its course and the issues are too deep or complex for an anonymous online thread to have any impact".

And like you joined in 2017 to get practice for your training, a lot of people who post here are either practicing to try and help people for a living, or recently received help from this or another forum and are excited to share what they've received. So, well intentioned scholars who know enough to get in trouble (not saying this was you, but it's that category); and people who are still broken and see things through a certain lens.

We can't just moderate away people who mean well but often hurt instead of help. And that passion to help I think is one of the things that really stands out on this forum and is worth cultivating. The best we can do is for the more experienced posters to continue to lead by example.

Not every thread is going to go well, and if you do go into some kind of professional role in trying to help people, not every case is going to go well either. It's always worth seeing the reviews and considering if any changes should be made, but then some things can't easily be helped either.

FWIW I learned things here that I don't think I ever would have learned on my own about relationships (and other things). It's been invaluable. Some from my own postings - but most from reading everyone else's problems and how they handled them. I would give the site a great review.

I'd put my vote in to allow threads to be deleted within a grace period, maybe 24-48 hours. Sometimes people say what they don't mean to say, because they are in a compromised state of mind.

Yesterday:

what if a struggling musician woke up in a universe where the beatles never formed, and decided to pass their songs off as his original creation?

Fun. World building not quite deep enough for the premise for my tastes, and the romantic subplot stumbled a bit.

I got back from camping and watched a double horror feature: Suspiria (remake... trash) and It Follows (fun).

The Perfection on netflix.

First it's a drama, then it's a body horror, then it's a revenge movie. Seemed like it would be scary, but it got so ridiculous it just ended up being silly, even if a bit gross.

Not recommended. Was worth a laugh.

Aladdin.

 

Will Smith was really good in the movie.

Yeah, I'm completely against the live action remake thing on principle, and have found most of them pretty bland in practice. I thought it looked really bad in trailers, but Aladdin turned me around - Will Smith did a lot to reinvent the character without stepping on Robin Williams toes.

The cheesy rap in the end credits brought back nostalgia from when I bought the MIB soundtrack cd as a kid.

Get Out - I don't know how they make a horror movie about this topic that is just plain fun, but they did! I enjoyed it despite a few glaring plot holes and a bit of a silly ending.

Meetings. At the beginning of this year, my team was on split into 3. But my position was not - so while my workload wasn't technically increased, the boring planning and check-in meetings have multiplied by 3. If I don't go to them, I will be out of the loop and it hampers my ability to do my job well. But if I go to all of them, I don't have enough time to complete my job.

This is my life now.

The Netflix movie about Kelsey Grammer on a cruise to reconnect with his daughter. Not worth remembering the title - it was basically just an ad for Royal Caribbean. And not even a very good one.

But I just was on a cruise a month or so ago and liked the nostalgia it gave me

Geez Ironpony. Is this all we ever talk about?

Anyway. Who challenges each other in bed and makes the other have to show proof for it?

Yeah . She thought he decided the sex was so bad he would fake an orgasm after 2 minutes?

The Fifth Element, again.

 

while any excuse to watch Milla is a good one (she has an interesting singing voice too, btw), and i love Gary Oldman's acting, i kinda wonder how any of them could keep a straight face while acting in that one.

 

i always watch it for the DJ. Ruby's mannerisms are to die for funny.

Hah that's one of my favorites. I think I've finally seen it enough times, but if it's on while I'm flipping channels I'll still stop for 10 minutes or so.

Went to Wonder Woman this weekend. Good to great in the first 2/3, fell off a cliff towards the end. Is it that hard to make sure that a movie works from it's most basic storytelling perspective before spending 100m on it? You would think that after 10 years of development the fundamentals would be in place. Hollywood is weeeeird.

I just watched 10 Cloverfield Lane too. It's funny because one of my coworkers is looking to get into prepping and dreaming of building a bunker lol. I thought it was a decent "small" movie.

And yeah Hot Fuzz is the best. It's almost a perfect movie in my opinion (I probably have a really weird criteria of what makes a perfect movie) But if you like it and haven't checked out Shawn of the Dead, it's almost as good. The third movie in their "series" was a huge disappointment and I don't even remember what it was called.

Sorry to hear the turn things have taken. One thing that seems clear to me: if a relationship is going to work for you at all, it HAS to be compatible with your social life. Not a separate box forcing you to have to try and balance everything.

Man Up. 9/10. Would watch again.

"Would watch again" is the highest honor I can grant a film, as most of the time I do not rewatch.

F*** the past.

I kind of feel that the time to discuss that you don't want him to visit under duress is at a later time, not right after he has made the impulsive decision to drive out there. To me it seems like you made a sizable hill (I can't quite call the communication issues a molehill so there's that) into a mountain, right after he had done at least what he knew how to do in attempting to deflate it. If it had been me, and I certainly have been known to be indecisive and a bit passive aggressive as well, but when I finally do make a decision I like to commit to it and not be put down for making the wrong one. At least give me some props for making one lol. Especially when the "wrong" decision is to make some time to be with the person I care about.

But I can see it from your viewpoint as well. It sounds like a communication pattern that is coming up far too often, with you trying to be clear and direct, and him trying too hard to please. It's a pattern that he is feeling the ill effects of as well. He didn't say anything you haven't basically been bringing up here.

3 days till the wedding! I finally recycled the invitation this week and am planning on spending the day far away. Too much work to do on the house anyway! Last post about her? I hope so.

Probably no. But there is a lot to consider. For sure, "fun" isn't the right word to use for me, but cathartic maybe? And there will be a lot of people there that I like. Some of her friends who I haven't seen in a while might be there. Who knows what could happen. And seeing her around afterwards if I don't go? I mean, things have been awkward for a while so it's not like it will be worse - if I go, maybe it's less awkward later. I'd say 33% chance going is actually a good thing. 80% chance I'll cry at the wedding... but it's a wedding They are actually already married which makes the whole thing strange to me (who elopes and then has a quick and dirty wedding 2 months later?), and seeing it may make that sink in more. 50% chance it makes me feel really horrible again... for like a couple days. I'm really experienced in working through those kinds of feelings by now.

But no, I'm not going to go. I hope I don't regret it later.

Had I been at your place, I would have never even acknowledged the wedding invite, forget about attending!

Don't go...it will refreash all the past memories.

Fun for her and pain for you.

Will it really be fun for her if I sit in the back with my arms crossed the whole time Nah, I feel more OK about it now. Mostly just a shock because the way she avoids me at church I had basically been prepared (and fine) with not getting an invite. The rest of my friends and some of my family will be there. She probably was just worried that it would look bad inviting them and not me. Totally an ego thing, not wanting to look bad. It's no big deal.

Still shocked though lol.

I got a letter in the mail from my ex! OK it's not actually a letter. It's an invitation. It's an invitation to her wedding. Her handwriting on the envelope with a "Mr." in front of my name. She also included an address to the church. Like I don't know where the church is! The church we met in. The church I live across the street from in the apartment building where we were neighbors.

Made my night and morning pretty annoying thinking of whether or not to go, trying to figure out why she invited me and whether or not she really wants me there.

It's really weird that she would invite me. I can't go. And I know it would probably be bad for me if I went. But there's a part of me that wants to. Like watching it happen will cement something for me. Or if I'm there I can stop it somehow. Bleh. Just venting.

Sigh. No this doesn't sound like a problem he is going to come to terms with in this relationship, if ever. You may have gotten him to admit he has a problem with it, but his belief that men and women can't be friends is deeply seated and from the sound of it he hasn't actually budged on that point.

You mentioned problems with dating at an age.. I think a bigger issue than the baggage people come with, is how solid and unchangeable most people's beliefs and thought patterns are at this point. It makes it hard for you to adapt to each other. If this weren't an issue that affected you both directly you could put it on the shelf - but his way of thinking comes into direct conflict with how you live your life.

I don't know. It's true everyone has baggage. But is this the kind of baggage that will ease over time and that you can live with? Hard questions.

There is always hope.

For some people, their viewpoints aren't just abstract things but strongly connected to how they see themselves. If you challenge that viewpoint, it's not just attacking the abstract thing, it's feels to them like you are attacking them personally. I've grown up with these kind of people (my sister and my dad) and it's really not the worst thing once you learn that it's how they function. We've learned how to disagree with each other but it hasn't always been easy.

That this happened after you spent quite a lot of time together may just mean you were both a little tired and needed some alone time.

Issue threads. When people start talking about the OP instead of to them.

That sounds really great. It is true you can learn a lot about someone by how their family thinks of them. But of course they are biased. Sometimes the "black sheep" in a family is actually the good one... they come in all types But it sounds like they were a pretty good bunch.

Day 0 - I fell for it AGAIN. 😕 I told him "Do NOT contact me in any way unless it's to discuss reconciliation".

 

I go NC, and 9 days later, here he is again. I answered because I mistakenly thought he would respect my decision and was wanting to discuss reconciliation. Stupid mistake. His only concern is that he doesn't want me to be mad.......,,SAME crap he said when he dumped me, same crap he said 11 days ago.....STOP!!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

I guess it's time to stop trying to get him to give you what you need and just take it. If he breaks contact again... leave it alone.