Ayanokōji

On 1/25/2022 at 9:19 AM, gq7mss said:

5 days later I texted her and tried to setup another date, radio silence. It's now been 5 days and she's clearly not going to message me back imo. My question is if I feel this girl is worth it, should I send her a message in a few days along the lines of:

"Hey I realize date 2 wasn't as great as the 1st. I had a rough day and was really in my head. I was enjoying getting to know you and I'd be happy to take you out for dinner and drinks again if you change your mind, lmk."

Since you clearly like her and shes not msging u back anyway u might as well send ur 2nd message.

Coz like u said, shes not gonna msg u back anyway so nothing to lose by sending 2nd msg.

On 1/17/2022 at 11:28 PM, Petra27 said:

Hi all

I'm a 36 y/o female and my boyfriend is a 32 y/o male. I recently discovered that he has slept with prostitutes about 6 months before meeting me. 

He said he was going through a bad time in his life and needed attention. It irks me that my gorgeous man had to go to these measures to get sex.

My idea of him has changed and what's worse is that he did not tell me, I had to find out.

Has anyone been through similar or have advice for me? What do I do?

I love him and he's wonderful however I'm so hurt and confused by this news.

 

Is him having gone to prostitutes 6 months before meeting u a deal breaker for u?

I'm pretty sure most men don't tell their S.O they went to prostitutes 6 months before they met u unless u specifically asked, like why bring this up? Especially when he probably thinks its normal (I'm assuming it's legal where u reside?)

Just coz u think a guy is amazing isn't an indicator of whether he'd go to prostitutes or not.

On 1/24/2022 at 10:38 AM, kim905 said:

Hey spinstermanquee

No... I don't think there's a huge cultural difference. I am East Asian who immigrated to Canada as a kid (12 years old)

She was born in Canada, but also East Asian. 

We both have similar family dynamics, but she seems to be closer to her parents than I am. 

I speak 3 languages, but she only speaks English. She seems to be under pressure to settle down. 

She is lawyer and I did a career change in 2020 from being a white collar at a tech company to being an aircraft maintenance engineer. 

Dude shes a lawyer, she should be making 6 figures and probably more than u, why doesn't she have her own house and car by now? U 2 are the same age, ***? Red flag af.

On 1/24/2022 at 6:15 AM, kim905 said:

Before asking the folks here another question, update on the previous topic:

She and I went on a date and we talked about what I meant as "becoming more serious" and I told her that it meant being exclusive and she seemed to be understanding of that. She had thought that I wanted to be official lol. 

This triggered another question about my finance and if I am ready, which kinda made me question my ability and if her expectation is too high or I am just not good enough to get married....

I (M29) have been dating a girl (F30) and she's dead set on marrying and raising a kid as she is in that age. She's also getting a lot of pressure from her parents to settle down.

Eventually, the question of finance came up and I told her that I own a $700k (initial purchase) condo in downtown (now valued at $900k) , a car, and $30,000 saved up for a wedding and a new car.

However she seems to have her eyes set on buying a townhouse in a suburb and seems like what I achieved so far isn't up to her standards....

I told her that I am more than happy to sell my place to upgrade, but it seems that I have to do all the heavy lifting in terms of finance. 

Furthermore, she doesn't seem financially ready at all based on how much she tells me that she needs a raise, her choices of accessories and clothes, and her student loan (she went to university for bachelors, master, and law school). 

Is she crazy to want more? Aren't I good enough in terms of finance?

Massive af red flag, ditch immediately.

But to answer your question, usually a man in his late 20s or 30 yrs old that owns a house + car, has a steady income i.e low 6 figures is more than enough for the average woman to consider him financially viable for marriage.

Anyone wanting more than that is probably too materialist, a gold digger or has rich parents and high living standards, all 3 of which you're not gonna be able to afford unless you're making 7 figures.

What we had was so good, I still don't have much bad to say about what we had but thanks for setting the bar so high. I never lost my temper with u coz you were that good, maybe thats why I didn't pick up the signs and how u really felt.

I just thought everything was great, didn't take what you said seriously, thought I had you forever and you'd never leave, well you sure showed me lol, never been so blindsided in my life.

I know I played it cool when you dumped me via text, I also don't really wanna encourage your ***ty behavior at the end but I've probably hurt u enough to deserve that at least.

It's all in the past now but what I should of said on the day was;

I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you, TBH I didn't even try very hard coz everything just felt so natural, so good, like running with the wind on my back the entire relationship.

I understand that I've probably hurt you so much more than you've hurt me, I just hope that you find the happiness you deserve and thank you for the amazing 2 years we had together.

Sayonara.

On 1/17/2022 at 11:43 AM, turtle3 said:

Hello dear people,

I wrote him that it would be nicer that he came with me, and he said that he feels useless now and bad, but he is supporting me?!?!?!?I was so embarrassed having to explain it to medical personnel and I had to explain to many of them. I am really sad. It seems he just does not care. Other than that he is really loving and caring and I feel so betrayed.

He shoulda came with u if u requested it coz it's his fault. Make him do stuff for u and c if hes willing or if hes lazy af and just there for sex.

On 1/28/2022 at 3:06 AM, Lenagurl said:

We went to his place and it was like nothing I have ever seen. It wasn’t technically hoarding because it wasn’t items, it was full of garbage and take out containers. Mold, rib bones, no path, no usable dishes. Imagine what you are thinking and make it worse.

Why you still with him, dudes clearly mental.

On 1/28/2022 at 8:06 AM, DopplerEffect said:

**TL;DR;** : I had loved a girl who was in a relationship but she had a good friendship with me and leaned on me for emotional support. I moved on and created distance as I figured she is developing feelings for me while being in a relationship with another guy. She later broke up and confessed that I was the lover of her life, she loves me for all my good qualities and all my flaws. She was ready to go all the way, introduce me to her family and discuss marriage, everything. I told her it was not possible now, I had moved on and had to deal with a really hard time for that. She became upset and told me I will not find anyone else who will love me as much and hung up. I feel very guilty and sad for turning her down. Did I make the right call? Should I be feeling this much guilt?

Someone who really loves you isn't going to say "I will not find anyone else who will love me as much and hung up."

I skimmed your post but it looks like you're her last option, always a big red flag if you weren't her first option.

20 hours ago, dontellmom said:

⚠️ Kinda long !

edit: probably should have put this in relationship* advice, sorry about that  

My partner and I got covid in the beginning of the year, right when they got their booster so we caught on to symptoms pretty late because we didn’t know if it was side effects until it never went away. Shortly after, I started feeling really bad as well. We then both tested positive. 

I get paid hourly and don’t get sick pay if I have covid. My partner has a salaried job and still gets paid when sick. I have been having a hard time with my end of the bills because of missing work. I missed 7 days of work. 

Generally, my partner and I pay bills together on our place but also have our own separate financial responsibilities that go beyond our home. My partner took a little more of the financial burden this month for our place (they already pay more than I do because they get paid  more) but I still tried to manage what I could because they have more bills and responsibilities outside of our housing than I do. I figured some things out by selling some things I didn’t really need too much and finally have been getting back on track with my own bills and responsibilities. 

Fast forward to this week, things are looking better financially. The next 2 weeks we’ll need to budget tightly but will make it. Yesterday, my partner finds out that someone they were working with very closely this week tested positive for covid. We were told they would probably be okay because we just got over covid but now my partner has woken up with many of the symptoms from before. 

Funnily enough, I just got my booster yesterday so I feel a different kind of crappy today and am very stressed out about the chances of me getting sick again. We are in separate rooms until they test on Monday but we are pretty certain they’ve caught it again and if that’s the case then I doubt I escaped it. 

So, issue: my partner and I have a short distance/timed trip planned very soon that I am now thinking we should cancel. They are very excited for it; we’ve been planning and saving for a while and haven’t been able to do anything like this because of meeting at the start of covid. I am happy about it too but also won’t be totally disappointed if we don’t go. 

At first, I thought to myself: if I get covid again, we shouldn’t go. I’m feeling like I should use my half of what we saved on bills. If I will be out of work for at least another 5 days, it will be too much to try to figure out bills again. I have some PTO but am supposed to be using that for the trip. We have paid for the plane tickets and also for an Airbnb which was a significant amount of money but we will get at least half back from the Airbnb if we cancel. 

I then thought that even if I don’t test positive again, I’m not sure if I want to travel. We had not gotten Covid since it all started but then twice in one month? What if we get it again while there or even on the way back? I am stressing out but also don’t want to take this away from my partner. I know that they are so excited and I want to share this experience with them. I know they will be disappointed. 

I’m not sure if I’m being selfish as my main reason behind this is not wanting to personally stress about bills and missing more and more work. My partner will try to suggest that they pick up even more of the financial responsibilities but at the end of the day I know that them being low on cash is even worse than me being worse on cash.

Truthfully, I just don’t think the trip is worth living on an even tighter budget for the next couple of months. I’m not sure how to tell that to my partner without them thinking this is not something I want to experience with them.  

This isn’t to be negative towards my partner, I know that in the end they will understand or at least be okay with it but I’m a super anxious being and for the first time in our relationship, I’m afraid of letting them down and don’t know how to go about it. 

Wait so the plane ticket was non refundable and the AirBnb is only half refundable? Your partner might be feeling like it was a huge waste of money to cancel this trip then and would rightfully be upset. I can also understand your point of view but you should have planned it with him better before u guys spent the money.

On 1/27/2022 at 11:50 AM, gettingmixedsignals said:

I don't know the right thing to do.  

My boyfriend seems to really enjoy spending weekends with me and we  have done so for several months.  

I mentioned to him last weekend that I would enjoy a call instead of test every now and then.  He eventually did give me a call and said we can to this every now and then.  OK?

But this is what has me wondering....

It's my turn to see him this weekend at his place...we live about an hour apart.  But he is going to a party w/o me in the afternoon on Saturday (I was not invited since I didn't know the ppl and they sent out invites when we were only dating  2 months or so and his adult kids will be there and I haven't met them yet).  That is bad enough. 

BUT then he texts me today to tell me the next day I'm there (Sunday) he made arrangements for himself at 10 am to get his personal trainer for an hour.  As an afterthought, he texted and asked if I was interested in having a session with the same trainer after him.

EXCUSE ME but...I'll be sitting around for him a few hours Saturday afternoon while he goes to the party and then he wants me to either leave (I assume) or wait on him another hour the next morning.  We usually leave late morning from either other's home on Sunday. When he visits, it's usually on late Friday night and when I'm going to him I usually come on Saturday but he said I was welcome to come on Friday (I don't work Friday's but he does from his home).

Am I misinterpreting this but it sure seems like he is treating me quite casually and as an "option"?

It doesn't matter whether u think hes treating you as an option or not, just ask yourself if you're OK with the way you're being treated in this instance, if not then tell him you're not tolerating this and he needs to be more attentive otherwise it's over. Also I'd expect u to be as attentive to him when hes over at yours.

On 1/28/2022 at 8:04 PM, Idea123 said:

He says that he got over her and he just wants to make things clear and tell her about our relationship when they meet but I do not find it reasonable to do. He is not arguing about it, once I told him that I don't feel like him meeting her, he canceled the meeting and he promised me that he won't. However, the guilt part is making me overthink, because I know she will be calling back again, and he will feel guilty again which might ruin us. 

 

Theres no reason why he needs to be talking to his ex based on what you've said. You did the right thing and you should stand by ur decision. If she doesn't mean much to him anymore coz hes in love with you then he shouldn't need to go see her. He should also have told her right away that hes in a relationship now.

1 minute ago, Theonethatgotaway said:

100% I spoke with ny ex from highschool. I had 1 like...she had 15,000....

Dating APPs have turned into;

1. External validation for girls that just wanna go on there to see how many likes she gets, attention and validation.

2. Social media influencers, sex workers and scammers/bots shilling their Instagrams, selling services or shilling some b.s financial investment opportunities.

3. A place where very attractive guys i.e top 10% go to try get easy sex.

4. A small percentage of people who actually are on there to find a relationship but you're going to have to siff through the 95% of the above 3 categories.

On 1/24/2022 at 6:31 AM, Guest Anonymous said:

I have been best friends with the same 3 people for 11 years. One of them has been dating someone for the past 3 years who we believe is not good for him. She has severe unmanaged anxiety and depression that she has not gotten treatment for.

Some men have rescue syndrome, he might be one of them. They wanna feel like they're rescuing someone and they want to be needed etc... 

On 1/21/2022 at 9:20 PM, Alex4.0 said:

I am at a complete loss, my long-distance boyfriend WILL NOT leave me alone for even a second, even when he’s at work, and he CONSTANTLY has anxiety and panic attacks when I don’t respond to him IMMEDIATELY or call him as soon as I possibly can. I understand he has mild autism that was very recently diagnosed, but that shouldn’t warrant him to demand that I give him attention literally 24/7 as well as demand that I do whatever he wants while I suffer the consequences (I live with my abusive father and if I don’t comply with his demands I get verbally and mentally beaten). If I don’t give my boyfriend attention or do what he wants me to do right then and there, he either breaks down crying and brings up past mistakes I’ve made, essentially not allowing me to move on from them, or he starts a massive fight with me about how I “haven’t changed my toxic traits that he has tried to tell me I have” and whatnot. I try being honest with him about how his words and actions are hurting me BAD, but he fights back with “well your actions and words have hurt me worse!” and I don’t know what to do anymore. I tried just being friends with him, but he turned ALL of my friends against me because “he didn’t want his trauma to be repeated” even though he triggered EVERY SINGLE TRAUMATIC MEMORY for me. He’s even told me he doesn’t think I should HAVE to get mental help for my own issues because “I have him and he should be enough”.

 

There have been nights where I want to go to bed because I do not feel well and he demands that I stay up and help him “get off” because something I did got him hard. I can’t tell him “no” or he starts yelling at me saying how I’m not there for him or some crap like that. It’s become such a big issue that I lose sleep now from it because he keeps me up so late.

 

 

I’m at a loss and I am looking for advice on what to do, because I can’t keep going on like this.

Sounds like it's time to move onto someone better suited for you.

On 1/12/2022 at 9:05 AM, poorlittlefish said:

I'm trying online dating again, after a gap of a few years. I receive a lot of messages, but the pattern is almost always this:

The guy makes some kind of introduction. I reply and pick a shared interest to ask a question about. The guy answers my question, but asks nothing back. I try and continue once or twice more, but get fed up with the conversation consisting solely of me asking. 

Is it now the normal thing to just talk about yourself and ask nothing about the person you got in touch with? I have a variety of hobbies/interests etc on my profile, so I don't understand why they contact me if they're not interested in knowing anything? 

I can guarantee you that if you made a male profile and tried it from the perspective of men, it's 100x worse.