Aceswild37

I wanted another chance, but you denied me that blessing and that is still what kills me. But I didn't force you and I stuck by your decision. I don't know myself anymore. I find myself walking in circles ever since we broke up. One day I'd loathe you because you found someone so d*mn quickly. The next day I find myself wanting to just hold you again. And the cycle just repeats itself. When will this end? When will you stop haunting my thoughts? Do you even care about me or what I've been up to anymore? Why do I still miss you? There are nights where I would have a dream about you and about us. I wake up depressed and angry at myself for having such thoughts. Every time I would enjoy time to myself trying to keep you out, somehow you would creep back in. Please, just leave me alone. Lately, I feel like I have lost all self control. I'd take unnecessary risks just to feel better. To feel something else but heartache. I did stuff I even hated just to keep you at a distance. And now I hate the things that remind me of you. Your interests, favorite food, movies, games, music, our favorite hang out spots... They all disgust me because it always takes me back to our time together. And it disgusts me even more because now your sharing them with your new significant other. Did I mention I hate him too? Will I ever find someone like you? Will I have the strength to say 'no' to you if you come back? What was I to you? Was I just a fling or a rebound? Oh, thanks for the great Valentine's Day gift you gave me. Because a text basically stating "Let's just be friends" and a panic attack is really what I ****ing wanted. Come to think of it... That was the only gift you gave me since my birthday and Christmas.