rainbox

It's been a while since we talked. I am getting better, but I have days that I feel bad again. I experience days of happiness like I haven't while we were together, however, I still want to ask you some thing and tell you others. You lied to me, why?? Why would you do that when no matter what the truth was I would be there for you if you were honest.. We always fought over some small things, but I always believed that all of that will eventually end because I though we are always honest with each other and we both want to be happy together. I guess I was wrong. Because you lied and I caught you, I don't believe that anything that happened between us was true. You used me. You used my best friend, and you are trying to do the same now. Why? I used to think that no break up was bad because at the end we will realize that we can't be apart and come back together. Now you found someone else, you just can't be alone, can you? You need someone to manipulate, so that you feel better about yourself. I see you every single day in school and I have to run to the other side; I hate that. We probably want talk again. We will go our separate ways next year. All our plans to go to the same university, study together, support each other all are gone. Do you ever miss all that? I guess it's like you once said, when you said will this last or will it be just a memory of young foolish love; I guess it's the latter. Man, I loved you so much. You tricked me, people told me that but I was always defending you, no matter how many people were against you, I always stood by your side. Do you remember when you told me that you will love me even if we break up, but you will lie that you don't? That you will love me long after we break up and even though you may continue with someone else, you will still love me the most? I don't want that. I don't want to get back together with you, and I want you to love someone else truly. I don't want to be a reason why you are unhappy, even though you hurt me, I am still a human, I don't want people suffering because of me. I tried to cry for you the other day; I didn't succeed. But I still feel bad when I remember how it all could work out and when I see you, no matter what you are doing. I feel the worst now that you stealing my friend. He has been my friend for 10 years, now best friend with whom I started to talk a lot more when we stopped going, but I guess I don't mean much to him if he still goes for you. Thank you. You saved me from him, in a way. I now realize I have nothing to add, which is really weird, because I wanted to write you so much for so long, and finally when I have the opportunity, I don't have much to say. That is the massage I would send my ex. I don't feel the need to do it now because writing it helped me a lot. I realized that I don't really need her, want to hear from her or am dying to find out why you did all those things you did. Thank you.