whistlepig87

I redeleted you from facebook....again. I hid my running log from you. I deleted my old blog posts about you...I sure wish you'd do the same....Maybe you dont to torment me. Yeah, your last blog is from the day we got engaged...Heartless. I wish you knew how it tormented me. Seeing you sent my back. At least we got your name off the lease. I have no choice but to force myself to get rid of all these things. I know you thought long and hard about this. I also know you once loved me more than ever....You weren't honest with me. It was a long time coming.... You know I would act this way, so there you have it. I am not doing this anymore, I said no friendship, I meant it. Oh, I do still think about the fact that you drive MY car. I sure as hell hope that you do too. It has my 500 dollar stereo in it as well. Guess you don't think about these things. You can give me back my tshirts but keep the car...seriously, what the heck girl? Well, I have some of your tshirts and I am keeping them...To burn.

Stars- Your Ex Lover is Dead...This is your song, hun. "God that was strange to see you again Introduced by a friend of a friend Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before' In that instant it started to pour, Captured a taxi despite all the rain We drove in silence accross Pont Champlain And all of the time you thought I was sad I was trying to remember your name... This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in Now you're outside me You see all the beauty Repent all your sin It's nothing but time and a face that you lose I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose I'll write you a postcard I'll send you the news From a house down the road from real love... Live through this, and you won't look back... Live through this, and you won't look back... Live through this, and you won't look back... There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave You were what I wanted I gave what I gave I'm not sorry I met you I'm not sorry it's over I'm not sorry there's nothing to save I'm not sorry there's nothing to save..." Damnit

Your sister texted me last night to see how I was doing. I told her fine, trying to meet new women, which I am. Then I suddenly went right back to where I was a couple weeks ago....So, I emailed her this morning. Told her I appreciated her concern, but I needed to be left in peace. Told her it was BS that they helped you out so much and didn't encourage you to work it out with me. You made a life-long commitment to me and then recalled it. You can't just do that and expect everything to be ok! It hurts that people I consider to be family didn't try to help us out when we needed it the most. To them, I was just the boyfriend. I feel like crap because your sister deserves none of this. I like your sister, and she has been there for me when you gutted me alive. Well, unfortunately she needs to be cut out of my life too because she keeps me hanging on. No matter what they all say, I not only cut ties with you hun, but your whole family too. Mutual friends will now be torn, and we have a lot of them. Doing what you did leaves us both scarred and hurt. I tried to be the bigger person and act like everything was a-ok, but I am not a doormat. You need to understand what I am going through and that your actions have negative consequences. You will get no guilt or sympathy from me, not anymore. Not until I move on will I let this go, and the best and most healthy way for me to do that is to ignore not only you, but your entire family too. You broke my heart and they abandoned me.

I am so god damn lonely. * * * .

I hate this so much. I don't even know you. What the heck happened?

Jesus H Christ. You are constantly on facebook and aim...you never used to be. You creep on my blog and my facebook...Why don't you just freaking talk to me. Are you that messed up in the head?

Its been hard, but I am learning to resist the urge to contact you since I have no reason to do so anymore. I have actually much preferred trying to spark some casual dating with other girls. I still wonder what the hell you are doing, and how you can live with the fact that you drive my car everywhere and made me go broke from all of this. Its true, moving on is so much easier. Just stick to it.

You are a coward. Stringing me along saying "I need to think" and "I have to figure out my life still" The right thing to say would be that "I do not love you anymore and I want to break up" I get it, you dont get anything from the relationship. But, in my mind, I'd move on faster if I knew you wanted someone else, not this BS I want time to think stuff. No contact. You think I am going to be your friend because I played nice over coffee, but that's not true at all. I am going to cut you out. Once the final details for the move are sorted out, I will be a ghost. Does anyone wish they could hit the fast forward button? Just put yourself a few months from now when it wouldn't feel as bad? Jesus I haven't had sex in so long. That sucks. You werent that good anyway, especially at the end. You were like a limp fish. Same thing every time. Thanks, at least now I won't fantasize about you.

I saw you yesterday...we had our little "talk" You were a mess. I was clearly not. You got red in the face and teared up with every mention I made to moving on. I saw you clearly were reading my blog today...over and over and over. Regret what you did yet? Well, its a little late, because quite honestly I do not find you attractive in the slightest right now.

I got the most hartwarming valentine's day present today..... YOU MOVED OUT!!!! You did take my vacuum and lamps, though....Let's just add it to the list of my * * * * you took...*Sigh* Now I don't have to heckle you anymore to get out of my life! Let NC begin!!!

No chocolate covered strawberries for you this year! Ha! I am getting drunk tonight, looks like you'll be moving your * * * * out, finally. I am going to celebrate S.A.D. by making out with a stranger!

SO, you failed yet again to get your * * * * out of my apartment....What a big surprise!!! Tomorrow huh? Now you are renting a truck huh? Well, if you did this form the start we'd be done wouldn't we? I even left the money for you to do this and you ignored it? I know you too well....ha I am going to buy a lot of lap dances with our wedding money....You are a terrible, terrible person.

Talked to a close friend today. I think I am starting to fall for her, a little confused right now....She told me wonderful things, very encouraging. She knows me so well, and is so loving to me right now. "She isn't the same. She isn't the person I know. I think her (psycho friend) has had a bad influence on her. She played the blame game, you deserve better than that." Thank you! You are so right. When I do talk to my ex, I am going to make one thing very very clear. I want to reconcile the relationship. I need you to bend a little if you value what we had. If this is something you cannot do, there will be no friendship...I am not going to allow you to feel better about what you did, while still being able to run around free and see other guys while I am hopelessly waiting for you to change your mind. I am not going to offer you my safety net of emotional support while you are chasing other crushes and ultimately * * * * ing other guys. The thought of you with another man makes me sick, and therefore I want no part of your life if this is what you chose. If you really and truly want this, then it is over...everything is over. Maybe not for forever, but for the foreseeable future I will not talk to you for years, many years. My God I don't think you understand this. Well, when we talk I guess we will find out. Our "talk" is months away anyways, maybe before then you'll get the hint, I am not a doormat. I deserve respect, unlike what you have done for me thus far with your * * * * STILL IN MY * * * * ING APARTMENT!!!! GROW UP AND MOVE ON SO I CAN GET OVER YOU!!!

I lied to you.... I told you I was ready to talk whenever you are. You said the same. I need more time. More time to let you go and more time to let you miss me. I know exactly what you are going to tell me, and I am not ready for that yet. I still want it to work, but you need to move out....Its very important to me that we cut all ties for a while and let the smoke clear. When I let it all go, then we can talk. But for now, I am going to read my books, workout, and catch up on what makes me, me. I beat you out of the apartment, by the way. Notice how all my things are moved out and yours still remain. I think that this should send you a powerful message, I mean business.

So I went to apartment yesterday and all your crap was still in the living room....Its been 4 weeks and still, you can't even move your stuff out of the apartment. You told me you were there last night to move some stuff...Well, I am pretty sure that NOTHING was touched when I went there just now so you are a big ass liar. You are probably out caring on with your psycho ass friend. You have no respect for my space at all. I hate how I dream about you, and the dream just confuses me. I dreamed of our reconciliation where you seemingly still loved me, we kissed, and we started to talk. You were still very confused, but you kissed me and held me and we took a nap together. I HATE THIS. I dont want to have these dreams, it puts me right back where I was at square one. What's worse is that there is nothing I can do about my sub-conscious. When I confronted you about the move and not communicating with me you told me that I was the one that needed space....Well, not moving your crap isnt giving me space. I promise as soon as all your stuff is gone I am taking my time to not talk to you at all. Then maybe I'll start to get over it and you'll start to see that I am not providing you any emotional support until you are ready to come clean and work it out. Otherwise, its adios muchacho.

You left me. You up and left me and told me you don't love me anymore. You want to go away to grad school and want nothing to do with me. I spent 3 years of college holding out for you when I had many, many stable interested girls I could have dated but I was loyal to you. I sacrificed so much those years because I thought we'd have a better life together now. I encouraged you to go to sweden for 3 months to take care of your mother. When I needed you, you couldn't even spend 150 dollars to come home a week early to help me move your stuff from your existing apartment, clean it, and and then move into our new apartment. I paid all the bills, I gave you my car, I bought you a computer for christmas since you needed one, and things were great, at least in my mind, until about the week leading up to our break-up. You ran away every night to be with your friends, your mom, your sister. You were extremely defensive when I confronted you about keeping the house tidy. You didn't want to spend quality time with me. You went out on a sunday night when I had work and didn't come home even when you told me you'd have just one drink with friends and be back. I stayed up until 1am worrying about you. I did the world for you, and you threw it all back in my face because you want to go away and felt trapped and tied down. So you threw the ring at me and went and got piss ass drunk with your freaking psycho ass friend. I apologized and asked that we talk the next day and do something together and you agreed. Then, you waltz into the apartment at 2pm, sick and hungover and white as a ghost and you broke up with me. I deserve better than that. You never drink that much, and you went ahead and did that to me. That hurt. Its been 4 weeks now and you don't have enough respect to have all your stuff out of my apartment that I pay for. You tell me you have work, you're unpacking, you are taking care of your parents....Well, I see on facebook you are going clubbing and meeting up with your friends. You are so full of * * * * I can smell your stink from here. Get out! I defriended you because I am tired of your crap! Grow up and move on, I have! Here's a nickel's worth of free advice, The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I was very good to you and the problems we had were normal. I was willing to talk it out and compromise and you were not. You can go ahead and live single and free, but quickly you will learn that life takes money, and it wears you down. I've been there, I've moved on from that life. You couldn't pay me rent, what makes you think you can do it on your own and have this fun-filled lifestyle? Oh wait, I know, you'll go have dinner with Daddy and he'll give you a few grand because he's got no back bone. What a great European attitude, kids spending their parent money until they are 30 and mooching off the government after that. Growing up is hard, and I laid the foundation for us to not worry about money, to take small vacations together, and to get married! I saved 20% of my paycheck every week so that we could get married in a year, and you contributed nothing! Well, now you are going to learn just how hard it is, and good luck getting student loans without any credit. I would have cosigned for you! I would have moved somewhere with you! I didn't want to, but if it was truly that important to you, then I would have done that for you because I love you! You just didn't know how to go about asking me and discussing this with me without your defenses up. I am better off without you. You are going to end up with someone without my stable qualities one day and they are going to break your heart! You think you want a free spirited person in your life, well I'll tell you this right now, that person will freak when YOU finally want to settle down and they'll leave your ass just like you left mine. And you gave me herpes. Thanks a lot. I sure hope you let your next boyfriend know, they may not be as understanding as I am when they hear it. Now I have a permanent reminder of you that I need to explain to every new person I meet. Don't call me for my help. You'll be preaching to the choir. I hate to say it, but I'll be the one that says, I told you so.