Ski

I miss you. Still.

You treated me horribly near the end. Why the &$^# did I put up with you for so long? I feel so stupid. It's been 6 months ... that's like what - 5% of the time we were together? The wounds are barely scabbing over. I miss someone I use to date. I don't think I miss the you that you are now. At least, not the top 20 layers. I'm not sure how you justify what you did to me to others. Oh, wait, yes: "We grew apart," "we weren't compatible." Ugh, "WE" that makes me sick -- You really drove me into deep depression because you never compromised but I didn't want to lose the characteristics of you that I enjoyed so I tried so hard to go along with you and what you said you wanted and needed. The guy that I have been casually hooking up with these last couple months treats me with more respect and care than you did in the last three years of our relationship. I am beautiful and talented and smart and fun. You made me feel ugly. Inside and out. And I became ugly. Now look at me. 6 months away from your poison and I'm happier and prettier than I have been in YEARS. I don't feel the need to justify and justify and justify who I am and what I like and what I do to you. I can just BE ME. And I don't have to constantly worry that you are ignoring me and spending all of your time with HER and lying to me. I was so dumb. When I see you in a few months, I will no longer be swayed by your charisma and way with words. You can continue to lie to yourself, but you will never be able to lie to me again about who you are. I'm over the fact you dumped me and have dropped me from your life. I'll never be over the childish manner in which you left without taking any responsibility for the massive damage you did. For seven years, you were my best friend. You had no right to be crying when you left ME because you were too selfish to compromise or admit you had fallen in love with someone else. I do miss the good times we had, though. And I hope you're doing okay.

Can't sleep tonight. I've been doing so well, lately, but these past couple days the ache for you has just got stronger and stronger. Tonight -- I just want to go bang on your door and demand that you look me in the eye and say "I no longer love you. It's over." Then I could really move on. I hate how thing were left. I was shattered into a million pieces and left hanging. If I can't have you, I want closure.