pokefan

F-you!!!!! I tried so hard to make it work and still it wasn't good enough. You got lazy and didn't want to try anymore. I am so embarrassed because we had some very intimate times together. You promised me we could work it out and you decided to not accept me and that I was too dramatic. Even though that was true for a long time you were trying. When did your heart go missing? I wish it could come back but at the same time you sucked at providing a lot of things I needed. Although it sucks to be alone, it's probably better this way even though I still want you. I miss you so much. I sometimes feel a sting and that I hate you but I could never hate you. You are just a boy. You and I were not right for each other in so many ways. I still hope that we can be together again one day. You even told me that maybe that can happen. But the fact you lost faith in me tore me up inside. You shattered my heart. I am trying hard to smile and still be happy about other things. I love you but would hate if you got a new girlfriend before I got a new boyfriend. Inside there is a fear that we will never be together again but at the same time you are lame in so many ways. I can be your friend it is possible. It is so weird though because I lost my emotional virginity to you so I still feel really exposed and bad about that. You are a nice person but a big baby and I wish you could grow up and be the man I need because you are already the man I want. Sometimes I get so hopeless because of you but at the same time I saw someone new that I would like to talk to. I wish you would chase me and make me yours again but you aren't that aggressive. You aren't truly the man I want just the boy I love right now. I got over my other loves so I am sure I will get over you but it sucks since everything is still so fresh. I still wait for your texts and phone calls. I still imagine our bodies together as one. I still feel like crap about not having you. I still feel like I can't breathe sometimes from how hard I cry. I love you so much and I want you back in my arms right this second but at the same time if you came back to me I wouldn't believe you really wanted me since you left me this time for good. I long for your love but it would feel foreign because I am starting to really believe you are not mine anymore. I do believe it and my heart is brave enough to see that too. I hope that if you ever want to be back with me again I already have someone new so you feel * * * * ed over. Sometimes though I want you to be that person I return to. We were so bad together though. We jumped into this relationship so quickly. As a result I didn't get to know you like a friend that much because I was preoccupied with sex and my terrible flashbacks of bad times I was getting over when I had you. How I miss being called "Kitty", how cute we looked, how amazing our physical connections were, truly sexually healing. Lol that is actually all that I miss right now because as I write this I miss less. I miss that closeness at times and it makes me sad to lose love. I love you so much but now I'm feeling if you tried to come back right this second I probably wouldn't do it because we actually have broken up for real now. Slowly but surely that reality is sinking in. I want you but I don't. I need you but I don't. You are wonderful F-you!!!!