Violetc

You told me I was your best friend, your "soul mate" (I don't believe in those anymore), that we would be married, that I was beautiful, and you told me that you needed a new start at the beginning of your year. That your life was there in London and mine here in the states. That you'd changed your mind. I blame myself all this time because you have been in a relationship you said was gone but was just a "friendship." I knew all along. You weren't even easy on the eye which was what I loved even more because I am tired of being with outwardly attractive people. I loved an illusion. When you told me to go away, I got desperate, and clung to you. I turned into someone I never thought I could be. You told me I was mad and needed help. I clung even more. You ran away faster. Said we could be friends. You'd "reply" to my emails when you could. I became an obligation. I cringe at the thought that I could turn into that to someone. Should I blame you? No. But you are missing sensitivity and intimacy. I cannot stand you. I cannot stand myself for it either.