SA2000

Ugh. She just texted me over reacting about something I posted on twitter. She says we shouldn't talk anymore and that she will mail me the stuff she has of mine. I explained to her what I meant but she only responded with "Goodbye". If you think I am trying to hurt you, I'm sure I could do a whole lot worse. Your jealousy only shows me that you still care. But I've explained myself. I can do no more. If you aren't going to talk to me because you didn't understand what I said yet again then goodbye is right.

Missed her more than normal today. Hmm. Strange.

Remember the other day when I told you that I still wanted to work things out and that I wanted you to think about what you needed from me?

Never mind that convo.

Day 1. Over the weekend I thought there was a possibility that things could work out. But that hope quickly faded. Starting over. I realize after 2 weeks of NIC that she is only interested in playing games. Thanks but no thanks. I need to get to the point where I wouldn't want her back even if she came back.

bwhite, I know man. It's getting real old really fast. Our conversation over the weekend didnt help either. She talked about how much she misses me and how she thought we were over for good but yet when I tell her I want to work on things she backs off. Maybe I should tell her that I don't want anything to do with her. Then she wouldn't leave me alone!

Day 0. I talked with her a few times this weekend. After 2 weeks of NIC I told her Sunday that I wanted to work things out. She said she was not expecting the conversation as we had not really spoken in 2 weeks. She texted me last night but I didnt respond. She posted "silent treatment" on her twitter an hour ago.

So I sent her a long text. Basically it was saying that I want to work things out. If she does not want to work on things that I understand and that we shouldn't contact each other. If she wants to work things out that she can call or text me. I know this is not good as I am giving her back the power to decide what happens but atleast she knows what I want and that I am serious.

So starting NC over again.

She texted me today. She said she wanted to have a closure conversation. I spoke with her for about 20 minutes. I told her that the ball was in her court. To really think about things but that I want to work things out. If she isn't interested in working on things that she shouldn't call me anymore. She said she was surprised by the conversation as I haven't attempted to contact her in 2 weeks. She thought I had moved on and expected me to say I'm over it. She said she needed time to think and would call me later.

She texted me again asking for my tumblr. Ok back to NC. We don't need to chitchat every weekend. I don't want to be a friend. She is the one making all of the contact but I need to let her know what life without me is like.

Ok so I was planning on breaking NC on Sunday to tell her about my Moms surgery. But then she called me last night and I answered without thinking. Then she called again at like 1:40 am. I figured she was out so I didn't answer. She left a VM saying she had a weird dream and wanted to make sure I am OK. I texted her and said hey. What's up? She texted back and said Nothin. Thanks for responding. I called her this am and said I was returning her call. Gave her an update on my mom and asked her about her dream. We talked for about 15 minutes and then I let her go. She posted on her Twitter last night "It seems like I am forgetting. Then it starts all over again. #Thissucks". Usually her tweets are intended to be read by me as most of her friends aren't on there. After 2 weeks of very LC (she contacted me 4 times) I think she is starting to realize this is serious. I refuse to initiate any "us" convo. She broke it off so she has to be the one to begin to reconcile if that's what she wants.

Uuugggghhhhh. She called and my * * * * * * * went into autopilot and answered! She asked if I paid some bill and said she would mail my half of the security deposit. Just tying up loose ends. I don't know why she had to call. She could have texted. Why did I answer?!?

Day 12. I just don't get it. You are obsessively checking my phone and admit to looking at my Facebook/Twitter everyday but you've only made 3 lame attempts at contacting me? Maybe I won't break NC this weekend after all.

Day who cares!

Went out to dinner. Super cute ladies letting my buddy who they work with know they are interested. Don't get mad girl. You broke it off and wanted to play games!

I am now trying to convince myself that I don't need to contact her and that eventually she will contact me to start the reconcilliation process. We have always worked things out. I know she is second guessing her decision. But I have to let her come back. I can't chase her. She broke up with me (over basically nothing). I'll give it time. She will be back.

Day 11. This is hard. I thought for sure she would have called last night. If I don't year from her by Sunday I am going to initiate contact. She has tried to contact me on 3 occasions. I don't want her to feel like I hate her. That's not the point of this. I know this is for me to heal but we are losing six years over silly games.

Just drove past her. She saw me and waived. God, I love her. She's so beautiful. Does that count as contact? Typing here instead of texting her.

Hey T,

How are you doing this morning? Did you do something with your hair? It looks really pretty. I just wanted to let you know that you are so important to me. Have a good day at work!

Day 4 NC.

Why is it you're so sweet and loving for a month straight then a light switch is flipped and you're acting like the crazy person your mom is.

 

If this is an indication of what's in store for whoever you're with in the future then God help his soul.

Wow. Were you dating my ex too? This sounds EXACTLY like her.

Day 11 has officially began. Really day 3 of 4 since I last heard her voice. I was good most of the day. Went to the gym right after work. Then went to a buddys house. The reality of the situation is sinking in. She's not coming back. Shell probably drunk text me again this weekend because I answered last weekend. Not responding this time. I miss her but I don't want to go through this every 4 months. Atleast this time around I'm not texting her non stop and upset with her short responses.

Man this is not getting easier. I guess I can't expect it to not hurt after 6 years. The last year has been absolute hell so I figured this would be somewhat of a relief. A huge part of me still hopes she calls and says she realizes she can't live without me but I know that's not happening. Atleast I know she's not happy either. We are both really hurt and really mad.

Day 10. This is by far the longest we have gone without seeing eachother. She texted me yesterday saying she was praying for my Mom. I didn't respond but my Mom did. I think she is starting to accept the fact that it's really over this time. It's hard walking away from the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with.

Ex texted me again to say she is praying for my mom who is sick. The more I take a look from the outside the less I am interested in going back.

Day 8

Really day 2 though since she called drunk and I answered. It's not getting easier. The reality is starting to set in. Hopefully she also realizes what she's done. How long before you see that this is not what you really want? I guess it's time to start honestly letting go. You can't control other peoples feelings.

After 7 days she calls me drunk to tell me I'm an * * * * * * * for deleting her friends from Facebook and is mad because I don't seem sad on twitter? She broke up with me! I'm not answering again for atleast a week. I would love to work things out but she needs to stop with the games. Otherwise it's not worth my time.

Day 7 She called. She is drunk and telling me how sad she has been this week. She says I'm a jerk for deleting her friends from Facebook. She seems to only want to tell me how upset she is with me. This isn't going anywhere. Wish I wouldn't have answered. NC definitely works though. I'll start over tomorrow.

Day 6

I feel strangely indifferent today. Probably just my hangover. I don't want to deal with the whole break up thing today. Too much work.