dinora001

Dear Monte Cristo, I really dont know even where it begin. It has been 23 days since we last spoke to each other as everything ended so abruptly without harsh words, nothing just you telling me that you see yourself being single right now and that you are not a 100% in this like I am. You thought that I would be devastated by this breakup and you told me so. On the contrary, I have not cried or missed a day at work or wore a sad expression on my face for the public to see. I feel a dull ache and a loss as a result of what happened. I lost a lover and a friend, someone who I shared all my secrets and thoughts with. I am not angry at you, for I see that you needed to break up but I will never understand how you can simply erase someone from your life without trying, how you can break up with someone who has loved you and accepted you for what you truly are. I feel like I have been blindsided by this and the worst thing is I am starting to question my own judgment in people and that is something that I never did before this. If I contacted you again or asked how you were doing, I might get that friendly response, but that would break me, for it would be worse corresponding with you knowing that nothing has changed in your mind or how you feel about me and that you are talking with me out of respect and politeness. It would bring back those same feelings of uncertainty and nausea that I felt when you were pulling back, avoiding me, and that grey area is something that I would never want to revisit again, for it is a whole lot worse hoping and desperately trying to improve upon something the other person has already given up on. And it is obvious that it has not for you have not tried to contact me at all since. It is harsh reality that I must accept. . Thursday, the last time you came and slept over, I opened a book and showed you the dried petals of the roses you gave me for my birthday. I sat there as you packed for your trip and tried to draw your attention to this but you just avoided me and said that's really nice. Ugh, I could kick myself for letting you get the better of me and my emotions,for you do not deserve me. I tried to be the best girlfriend that I could and despite our problems, I never expected this. I do hope that someone or something changes your mind about love because chasing money and a career to such an extreme that nobody else matters will definitely not bring you the happiness that you think. Life does not wait for anyone and planning so far ahead in the future at the expense of your family, friends and girlfriend will not end well for you, I can certainly guarantee that if nothing else. So, even though I tried to live my life by that example and show you and tell you to cherish those around you, I hope you realize this someday before it is too late. I know that our breakup was not all about the two of us but about deeper issues that you have and I cannot exorcise your inner demons if you will not let me. I do miss you and I thank you for making me realize that I am able to love someone despite his flaws, and that I would make compromises in the relationship for the person that I love. As for everything else, it still feels like a dream. I have still not let go, but I hope that I will once I meet someone who will love me for who I am and stick by me. I hope to heal, to stop dreaming about you, and stop thinking about you because the reality is you are not thinking about me, at least not that much for you said it yourself that if we broke up, you would have an easier time and just focus on yourself.God its always been just about you. But I digress. You have hurt me and I hope to heal to the point where the mention of your name and a thought that runs accross my mind are brief, fleeting, and without much emotion and meaning attached to them. ] You are not worthy of this letter and time that I invested writing it so I write if for myself and my own benefit. You get nothing from me. Good Bye and Good Luck.