I'm 16 and i just moved like 20 miles away from "home". Well i'm very shy and I don't talk much. I just can't talk, it's like... I can't find anything to say to people and at times there are akward silences when people try to make conversation with me but it wasn't all that bad at my old home and school 'cause even though I was shy I was amazingly very known, respected and liked. I had a crew I used to roll with and hang out after school. It was all gravy. Then last year I had to move to another city and transfer to another school. Since I don't talk I barely have friends now, i mean I know a couple of people & they know me but I have no crew or group of friends anymore. Everyday I go to my locker and str8 to class I don't make a stop to talk to anybody or anything like that because every where I want to go and talk to they are with someone else and I feel like the 3rd wheel. I feel like sh**. I feel unwanted. I even had a real good friend that was tru blu for awhile and then he just ignored me like i never existed. It was basically like that with all the people i met at this new school. I 've been going to this school for a year 1/2 but I've made no progress. I feel so lonely and I feel like people pity me because of my social disability. I hate myself. I've never had suicide thoughts before and i truly believe that people who commit suicide go to hell. But now i wish everyday that i would get shot in the head or get bashed by a car and be instantly killed. I've attempted to slash my wrists but couldn't bare to actually do. I figure that if i died in a tragic accident or killed myself, no one would ever mourn for me or give a f**k. There are some nights that i lay in my bed and cry myself to sleep, and i'm the kind of guy that takes alot to make me cry. I don't know if i hate my new school or myself . I wish that school would blow up with everybody in it except me... i would just laugh i wouldn't care at all about those f*****s. I hate this whole damn city as a matter a fact. I don't go out anymore and i just hang around in the basement with the lights out and watch t.v. I pretend to be happy at school and at home but deep down inside I'm depressed and I just can't find a reason to live. I have a gun 'cause in my old neghborhood u got 2 watch ur back for sh**. I'm tempted to use it I really am. I'm sorry 4 my bitchin' but I don't know where to turn 2 my parents wouldn't understand and I have no friends. Please give me advise.
