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It's the small things that tear me up. The biggest things are not having you in my life, not being able to walk into our first place together where I get to sleep next to and wake up next to your beautiful face every morning and night, not being able to look forward to the day where I get on my knee and propose my love to you forever, to the day where I meet you at the altar, to the day where I would drive the quickest route to the hospital so that you could unleash us; our beautiful baby. The small things: pushing you aside from traffic, worrying about you all the time...24 hours a day, 375 days a week, knowing that the day will come when you are pregnant and you want your favorite craving...i'd rush to the nearest store with a smile on my face, being able to enjoy time with each other's families...how I miss them, envisioning the day where I'd buy a ring for you, I wanted to go to the same sales lady and buy the ring with my gut instinct; one that I loved and you'd love just the same. See a trend here? I do. It's the future. We made the best time we could have for our 2 day a week relationship. I couldn't wait for the day I saw you more; experienced more with you; lived life with you. I never got a chance after 3 years of waiting for it. Your mom controlled both of us for 3 years and now you and you're friend are controlling your present and future. How stupid do I feel for waiting three years for you to finally have some independence from your mom? Once it finally happened, you wanted nothing to do with me. I remember telling you I felt like you that I was "losing you." But, you comforted me and knocked me out of that thought quickly. And for what? To make me feel good in the short term and shatter my heart one day through a phone call? Is love blind? How could I blame you? We never communicated. I was scared you'd take my problems the wrong way, and I don't know what you were scared of; could these be the problems you had in highschool? I confide in the fact that I made you happy. I succeeded. All I wanted to do was make you happy, not contribute to your sadness. I just wish I could spend the rest of my life with you; an individual whom I loved for everything that you were and weren't. Maybe you've met someone new. Spend time with him, love him. Soon you'll find that no one could offer you what I offered you; the whole world. You could confide in me, trust in me, have faith in me, talk to me about whatever, I'd be here for you. I wouldn't judge you, I'd be there to listen, and if you wanted, help. Abandonment? What does this mean? You know this first hand. I've been abandonded by friends, family, and you. When will it end? When will I start getting what I deserve? I want someone who's there with me through good and bad, a friend and a lover until the end. I often ask myself if I am asking too much. Sometimes I tell myself that no one is like me. The other part of me tells me how wrong I am; there is someone out there for me that believes in the same things I do. For 3 years, I thought this person was you. Have I hurt you so much that I will never hear from you again? What have I done to deserve this? I felt that we were growing together and even though it wasn't in ideal circumstances, soon we'd fall into those ideal circumstances and share a wonderful future together. My love for you will never fade. I'll never forget you. I'd hurt someone for you, die for you, always be there for you. If you are on this earth after I pass; fear not. God and I will talk right when I get there and we'll be looking over you forever. We'll always be here for you; listening, helping, and loving. I hope that you are happy.