systah

My nature is never hit below the belt even when I know I was right to end a relationship. Maybe I did it to make sure there is no possibility of rekindling. Who knows. Besides calling you on the cheating and lying, the other stuff didn't need to be said. It is just who you are. If it didn't work for me, I should have left a long time earlier and not gotten back together. Though I did explain to you the last breakup what I'm all about, I guess that didn't really set in. Maybe you were hoping I'd change? Your work is your life, maybe I thought you were only that way because that was all you knew for so long. I made excuses. I am deeply sorry for being so mean about it all. I initially admired your work ethic but now I see it was a bit extreme especially since you live in the TMI work yard in an RV. I realize its a choice because you live your work. You've always said that TMI preys on lonely, no life guys like your coworker Craig (your words not mine). And, after querying many friends and guys about it, you are likely a workaholic unable to balance your priorities when it matters. Thank you for letting me see this sooner than later, before we moved in together--started a life and expected you to really be there for me. Still It was 8 months and really wish you were a bit more upfront at the beginning about work being a priority over any relationship. You have to admit that you definitely told me several times that we were the priority and that work was not. Wish you would have been more forthright. We could have avoided all this ugliness because I would not have stayed in this with you and you could have moved on to one of the other girls you were pursuing. Wouldn't that have been better for both of us? Now I get to say you were the first guy who cheated on me. That's a sucky place to be for you in my history, right? Unless that is where you planned to be in which case, good job. I'll do my best to forget and grow from it. Cheating and lying so much (remember we set parameters what constitutes cheating very early when we first got together because of your own experience) would make anyone angry but it is no excuse for my words to you because regardless of what you did and the treatment you gave to me, I don't want to be a mean person. I was angry and know the things I wrote were hurtful. So know this that you helped me in so many ways. This was a catalyst relationship for me. You helped me see how much I was devaluing myself by not stepping away sooner, right when I realized you were cheating and hiding me. Though it was my first experience with it. That was a month earlier. I know you only started incorporating me into your life when I posted those pics. I should have known, no one knew about me. Not Todd or Michael.. and when you told Sam (were you even speaking to Sam on the phone that Sunday when I caught you?) that you had to get back to work when you were actually going biking with me on the Sunday before you went to RI .. I was being naive. I should have left you then. I am glad I still did post the pics. It forced your hand and helped me see the truth in your actions. I do want to point out that I only saw your email twice when you left the room and facebook once. Doesn't make it right, but I don't want you to think I somehow stole your password. I know it was an invasion of your privacy but aren't you glad I did? Doesn't it feel better to not be in a relationship with someone you were cheating on or who suspected you all the time due to your actions? I can't imagine the guilt you were dealing with. It must have been painful... All those showers you took everytime you lied to me. Looking back, I hear that is a symptom of feeling dirty from lying. Like washing away your sins. Just know I never cheated, saw any other guy behind your back or even spoke to one in email (unless it was to answer a question about the snowboarding group or work), chat, or phone . I had opportunities but did not. My history is I never cheated on any guy. I only wanted you during our time together. I'm stating this in case this was a concern of yours. I wish you all the best. I really hope that life finds you in a better situation so that you don't have to make sure your girlfriend lives an hour away or keep your girlfriend at an emotional distance. I hope that you someday find satisfaction in one girl for longer than a month and not have to take constant breaks from her to regain that interest you had. Though I know you get bored easily and do remember that cliche once a cheater, always a cheater. I'd like to not believe that and hope you don't fall prey to that stereotype either. The lying, I have nothing positive to say there so I'll just leave you with yourself to contemplate why you lie so much. Excessively in fact. Why am I sending this email? I feel bad about the name calling in the last email. I know you're short and have an inferior complex but pointing out how substandard you are as a human, that wasn't necessary. I hope you're not a narcissist and a misogynist or innately abusive. I am still disgusted with you but also mad at myself for being so mean in the email from before. The only way I could start healing from our experience was to send this. I don't believe treating you that way gets anywhere. For people, like you, who treat others with contempt and abuse them, I always feel like they are people who lost their way and there is always hope for them. Hope you find your way. I don't need to put salt in a wound when I'm sure you'll either figure it out someday or life will do something to force it. Thank you for reading this and taking it for what it is, my way of completely moving on from you to start the real healing process (moving beyond disgust and anger). It would be very kind and generous of you given our history to let this be just that. Letting go.

Hey mcgirl, I'm wondering if we were dating the same person.. everything you said is exactly what I had to deal with. I read "Mr. Unavailable and the fallback girl" which really opened my eyes. He was setting up the status quo for the relationship. You wanting a normal, mutual relationship does not make you needy, it makes you normal. Don't fret. You are not in the wrong here. But neither is he. He is who he is and will always be. THat was the hardest thing for me to realize. He will always be like this. He may at the beginning be "in" to hanging out but then slowly lowers the expectations down /status quo to 5 when we really deserve and most healthy relationships are 9/10. And, him being a workaholic or slave to his job when he makes time for rock climbing and going to dinner/drinks with friends is not an excuse. Another book to read is "how to avoid falling in love with a jerk"... Other helpful books, yes helpful... I've read a lot of bad self help books... are at the bottom. Helped me know what healthy relationships look like. I never knew before. I also realized that it was how I valued myself, my self esteem. So now I'm dating myself and trying to figure out why I allowed someone to devalue me as much. Read the book, girl, you'll never be the same. peace former fallback girl Books If you're going to read anything, read "Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl" .. All women need to read this. Be prepared to do some soul searching though. "Why does he do that?: Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" "The Verbally Abusive Relationship"