t0rnintwo

I agree to disagree. Sometimes i think information overload at the beginning is detrimental to any relationship, it could put a lot of pressure on expectations for start, i wouldn't be wrong to say most people start going out and see how it goes. Otherwise, i do agree that compatible values are what matters though.

Battya, True talk. But the original dilemma was that you don't fall in love with someone straightaway, and it takes some time from when you first really know someone to be able to confide details like that to them. It's her prerogative whether to tell her parents or not and ultimately everybody (in this case she) has a free will to do what they presume is right. I just feel slightly guilty passing the 'buck' so to speak because if she eventually told her parents, it won't be an easy thing for her to do. Her parents love me and they say they've never seen their daughter so happy, so on the other hand it would be some sort of betrayal if they knew the whole truth, but ce la vie isn't it? Whatever people have don't in the past doesn't necessarilly condemn them to evil person status, but it sure damn does live with them. Anyway, i'll keep my fingers crossed and do it on the weekend. Thanks for your input. Really appreciate it.

Battya, Sorry about that. I did not mean to be judgemental. You were right about your post. I'll just tell the truth and see what happens. I never did receive benefits (or maybe i misconscrued that last statement). I worked with her, at the time i was working under an assumed name, we never went out during that period. It was 2 years after then (late last year) we met again. I wanted to be up front about my past, but i really hadn't known her long enough to entrust her in saying those things. It's a bit of a chicken and egg situation, really. I'll just tell the truth and hope for the best outcome. Cheers for the advice. I do appreciate criticism as well, in honesty i seemed to have taken that a bit wrong. Cheers.

Thanks for the advice guys, i'll keep you posted. If this is relevant at all (and this goes out to the oh-so-holier than thou- Battya take note), through the while i was previously working, i earned quite a bit, paid taxes at the higher rate and any national insurance contributions i made at the time i had to forfeit when i regularised my status.

I never lied about my status. It was not an issue. When we were working together was the time i was getting 'married' to stay in the country. It was through a friend, now my ex and it was a convenient arragement. There was an exchange so i didn't see it as the marriage of the heart per-se. Anyway, it has happened. I will explain what happened and will downplay it. Obviously i wouldn't expect her to trust me easily, but with that kind of situation, you cannot confide in someone till you get to know them. It takes time to know someone, hence i'm in a position where i am now. I don't have a criminal past and have never done anything remotely dodgy. Doing things like getting the wrong ticket for train scares the heck out of me. What i did was a measure for the time. What i've realised from this is there are broadly 2 schools of thought- people either understand or don't. Kind of like marmite. Sometimes when you're in an adverse situation you do things you wouldn't normally do...

Guys, Thanks so much for the confidence you have given me. Sparkle thanks so much for that last post. I'll do it on the weekend and i'll play it down, wouldn't make a big deal out of it. True, her parents don't have to know- well not unless if we happen to get married someday and they discovered my past. In all honesty my 'marriage' was just to get residential purposes, so it wasn't a thing of the heart. Reason i was so scared/sckeptical was because ahshe has pretty much lived a sheltered life all her life and my story would just come accross as outright dodgy. I will play it down but will tell her on Sunday. I would have done it on Saturday, but she has a driving test. I don't want any bad outcome from that especially if she has other things on her mind... And she's 26 by the way so old enough (ish), but apparently not so worldwise... People surprise you anyway, so i'll just cross my fingers, tell my story, downplay it and hope for the best... Cheers People. You inspire.

Thanks Guys. I think i will do it and bite the bullet. But as the first thread reply said, it probably will come as a huge shock. Do i do it all in one or bit by bit? I feel the identity thing is not an issue per-se, my name details are almost exactly the same. It's the marriage thing. Eventually i will have to fess up, i cannot live with this on my mind. We meet again on the weekend, so then will be the time to do it. She loves me dearly, they are a close kit family and she will probably tell her parents and siblings pretty much straightaway,her parents will probably never forgive me and her staying with me will be untenable as a result. It's no use me prophesizing of what will be. I just think this is that one relationship you feel where you've found the one. I have previously only ever loved once in my life but this is different. Bugger, damned if i do, dammed if i don't. It's not the kind of topic you bring up on the first date is it? Hence the reason for waiting this long. Thanks for the advice guys. Really appreciate it. Any more slants/insights on the best way to break the news will be very welcome.

This is my first time of posting on any talkboard but i have checked this site before and the advice given is usually good so i have decided to try it out. I have a dilemma on my hands and don't know what to do. I have been going out with this girl for 3 months now, we first met when i was working at a previous job. I really really love her and i think she feels the same about me. I feel she's the one, we get along well her parents and her family's fantastic. Thing is i've got a chequered past. When i was working in my previous job, my identity was well not suspect, but because i could not legally work at the time i assumed a false identity. I have subsequently conveniently married, divorced and all my documents arein correct order. Thing is because i met her at my previous job she assumes i'm who i'm not. It's not something you tell someone on the first date, also i didn't know this would get this serious. One more thing. Her parents like me now, but they're also pretty conservative. If they new about my past, the relationship is a non-starter. I can't live with this though, it's burning me up inside. I don't know what to do. Do i : -Bite the bullet and tell her the truth. -Break up now without telling her- like giving her some other reasons why i cannot go out with her. I'll feel i have lost 'the one' but i don't want to cause any unecessary aggro between her and her parents in the future. -Send her a link to this page, don't really know what this might achieve, but maybe it's partly because i dread telling her face to face. Please Help. Any advice is welcome.