Altruist

I get the same feeling too recently so you are not alone.

I am shy and ain't much good at that social junk. I was raised in a normal family. Just us two brothers. My dad is fairly strict though.

As I menzioned in the OP, a strict upbringing and repressive parents can also make children remain in their shells all the way up to adulthood.

Dont you think you're a little young to be thinking that you're gay? Give yourself a chance to discover your sexuality.

Interesting contributions...

I don´t know about the astrology aspect Raekai - I have 3 Capricorn friends who are painfully shy.

Hackuuna Matata brings out an interesting point: could it be possibly that someone can be perceived as shy yet they are not shy but just enjoy being alone and not talking too much?

Thanks ActionJackson (nice name btw). This forum will help you to improve your relationships. Just stick around and browse all the forums regularly and ask for advice.

All the best.

It can. I was one of the most shy people on earth as a teen. I mean so shy it almost crippled my life.

 

I slowly started growing out of it after my first job dealing with the public. By the time I was 30 I was all but completely out of it. AT 40, I am still introverted as in the activities I often prefer but I am not shy in the least.

 

I am not saying this is something we SHOULD overcome but I am saying that many do overcome as they get older. Some never do. I have met many shy 50 year olds before.

 

Personally I hated being shy and overcoming it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Some people like Miss M who don't mind it should not feel compelled to do so.

Thanks for the post Jadedstar and all the other contributors. I guess being shy would not be a problem if the shy people were not worried about. Most people (I may be generalizing here) see it as a problem because it interferes with their happiness and they would feel much happier if they could just come out of their shells.

I tend to agree with Batya's reasoning. If a man is not capable of initiating a relationship with a woman then there are likely to be more problems in future. Lots of other things will need to be initiated later on. Will he wait for her to initiate the first kiss etc? Women generally want a man who takes the lead. A man should wait until he is mature enough to ask a woman out before starting dating. However, if a woman asks him out and he is prepared to take the initiative in the from then on I see no reason why the relationship cannot succeed.

I am a pretty shy person.. My parents split up when I was only three but I spent plenty of time with both of them. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother who are all older. None of them are shy at all. However, My older brother, who I always spent most of my time with, is very outspoken and opinionated. He is always the one cracking jokes and attracting attention. Maybe this helps your study.

Thanks for your contribution Dan.

I found this link which you may all find interesting to read which shows that shyness is strongly related to the family setting:

link removed

Keep the insights coming.

Well, I was shy up until my sophomore year in college, where (ahem... clears throat) my academic prowess began to foster newfound confidence. (The math and physics departments at school are my domain, although my confidence is beginning to seep over into other aspects of my life as well. Alas, it's also beginning to form a bit of arrogance in some areas.)

 

You bring up a very important point GettingBetter. I have noticed that academic prowess can bring popularity and positive reinforcement which instills confidence.

^I'm glad you're getting over it!

Is shyness something that disappears when one hits the thirties? Coz there seems to be very few shy people beyond thirty on this forum.

Thanks for all your insights.

Due to the large number of posts confirming this, I have also added this to the original post:

(4) parents not having friends (i.e also shy), can unwittingly school their children to be shy.

(5) a physically/sexually abusive parent can totally erode a child's confidence and make them shy.

I also realised that:

-being brutally taunted by kids at school can also lead to withdrawal and shyness

-some physical condition/trait can lead to self-consciousness and in an effort not to draw attention to it, one can become withdrawn.

Situational shyness:

Like the aerobics instructor mentioned above, some people can be shy only in certain situations. This kind of shyness is easy to overcome because you only need to realize what is making you uncormfortable around that particular oerson and deal with that trigger.

I have also seen some people who are completely uninhibited when in a crowd but clam up in one-on-one interactions.

Just be friends then. But I'll bet that if she told you that she wasn't attracted to you, then you'd get attracted.

A virgin @65? Maybe you need to share more about your life experiences with us her angieluu. Welcome to ENA.

OK. Very insightful. I've been offline for some time now due to work commitments but keep the experiences coming in. I will respond soon.

Welcome to ENA Luca Brasi.

Equinox, take your time to get to know this girl. If she sounds too good to be true, then there is nothing that time will not eventually reveal.

oh. this episode ended quite awhile ago. we talked. and that's it. so i decided for sanity, he'd just be that hummana humma-na guy @ the comic shop.

YOU gave up or lost interest? How did the trip go anyway?

Great responses so far. Thanks so much. I hope this forum is helping you all to overcome your shyness.

More insight are welcome.

I would suggest that you begin by being sure you're talking about shyness.

 

I've been saying that I was shy for most of my life, but looking back, I realize I was actually deeply sensitive in ways that made me behave as if I were shy. But there is a difference.

 

I suspect plenty of other people are the same way. Very high sensitivity can cause behavior that looks just like shyness. Very sensitive people are more deeply affected by their experiences than most people, and this can cause them to become socially avoidant.

You have a point Squarewheel. I would describe shyness as the symptoms of the various factors that you mentioned.

Well said. Thanks for the goood ideas.

^Thanks guys for the continued insights.

Kholest lets hope your new job helps you out. The more people you interact with, the better you will become at interpreting signals fast.

MrCrazy2u it's good to hear that you have managed to break out of the shyness shell. It seems having an absentee father can affect how we interact with others, especially during the early childhood years.

Faun, contrary to what you stated- I see a connection with your parents. In my opinion, extroverted parents are almost like absentee parents. They spend more time fixing their social lives than they spend with their kids. If the kids are left out of that social life, they can grow up shy and introverted because they had no-one to teach mirror in social interactions.By the way, your English is quite good

Hangin10, as you tacitly agreed, your shyness is rooted in your father's strictness. Excessive strictness in parents usually kills assertiveness in children, with the problem sometimes extending way into adulthood. I'm glad you have found a way to reclaim your assertiveness.

Thanks ladies and gentlemen. Keep the insights rolling in!

Try to talk about the everyday goings-on in your life.

YOu could try waiting for him at the bus stop. It might sound stalkerish but at least you'll get the chance to talk to this guy. I think it's worth it.

Also if a guy asks a girl out and he explains that he is 'going through a rough patch' i.e. unemployment, etc then the girl should do the paying even if its a first date. A girl who does that for me is a keeper.

Splitting the cost between the two of you all the way is the way to go. After you've been dating for a while it will then depend on who has is ina good financial position on a particular date.

...also having access to drugs and alcohol and being generous with these things will make you popular with ladies....

 

Are you serious?