worried614

once again thank you for your responses. caro- yes i do need to get away for awhile without hearing anything new about my ex and his fiance (ugh what a horrible phrase "my ex and his fiance"). Some of my single girl friends pitched in and got me a fully paid trip to Hawaii with them for the holidays. We leave on the 19th of December, hopefully that time will help. sonjam- I do hope that my heart heals because right now it seems like it never will. I just don't see myself ever trusting another man again. Would all men (regardless of how old they are) be likely to be attracted to a girl such as the one my husband left me for? I personally did not think it was possible, whenever I see a young man who is 19-20's I think of him more as a son type of figure, never someone I'd be romantically involved with.

thank you everyone for the support, it has helped me greatly. Unfortunately, my exhusband is definitely getting remarried, he sent me an email telling me the news because he felt he should tell me before I heard it from someone else....apparently he is unaware of how fast news travels. I since changed my email address, I do not want any contact with him. As for the girl, I have seen her many times, after all we do not live too far away from eachother. She now drives my husbands car, how quaint. Today I sat at a diner with my best friends and lo and behold who sat behind us...the girl's mother. We had met once before but I do not believe she noticed me, she really did not look my way. I caught pieces of the conversation she was having with her friends. It seems she is delighted about her daughters engagement and even called my ex husband "a charming man." I then decided to stop listening in, but as we left I couldn't help but hear her say "I feel terrible for the ex wife though." How could this woman be ok with the situation? Her daughter marrying a man old enough to be her father who cheated on his wife to be with her. I would certainly not be ok with all this if i were her. To each his own I guess. I am deeply hurt and everyday is hard to get by. I never envisioned my marriage to end up this way, I thought for sure this was meant to be. I never thought I'd be left for "the younger woman." Waking up in the morning is a difficult task for me, the only thing that keeps me going are these forums and my family and friends.

ok so i am completely shocked. I found out from a mutual friend that my ex husband has asked this girl to marry him. SO SOON! I dont even know how to feel about this. They are apparently waiting until the summer for the wedding. To make it worse I am pretty sure they are purchasing the gigantic extravagent house on the same block as mine. My ex always wanted that house. I cant believe they are engaged already!

well just an update for everyone. My husband did move out and we are in the process of getting a divorce. He spoke to me before he left apologizing for everything and telling me he never wanted to hurt me. Then why did he? The girl called me one afternoon and pretty much told me the same things my husband told me. I couldn't really be nice to her...she took my husband. I am trying to be happy and go out with my friends and such but the last two attempts have been useless because I have seen them both out together. My friends and I went to a restaurant last night and they were both there being all cuddly and romantic. We ended up leaving, but it was not a site I needed to see. I think we both tried going to out of the way places, places that he and i never went to just so we wouldn't bump into eachother but we ended up going to the same place anyway. I wonder how long this relationship will last...not that I'll ever take him back though.

he seemed surprised but he said that if that is what i felt like i had to do then thats what would be done. He really has something for this girl apparently.

well last night my husband told me that he could not get this girl out of his mind. He said he wants a seperation. I told him that I refuse to seperae just so he can go see what he wants with this other girl. I told him I want a divorce. I love my husband but I refuse to wait around while he decides who he wants o be with. Mid life crisis or not I do not deserve it, if it is a mid life crisis he should tell himself its a phase and not risk our enitre marriage for this girl.

Well just when I thought it could not get any worse, it does. I was checking up on his emails and apparently I missed one that he sent to one of his friends awhile ago. Apparently this girl was his student 7 years ago (yes he was a teacher). In the email he tells his friend how they always spoke to eachother even when he was her teacher but it was only during school and it was never an attraction until now, that he used to simply like speaking to her. They apparently lost contact after she graduated and did not see eachother until now. How weird is that. Does this mean he was beginning to like her even back then regardless of what the email says? I do not believe they (my husband and the girl) have spoken about their past considering it was never mentioned in their emails..maybe its just too weird for them?

i know what you mean. At first I thought that it wouldnt last, that she might even be terrified if he truly pursued her but now I think differently. She seems to yearn for his attention, if he leaves the table she searches for him with her eyes. She even ignores the flirtations of other men around her where as before she would laugh along now she just ignores it completely...unless its coming from my husband. Maybe she really fell for him...i seriously dont know.

well Im back home, what an evening. It was evident tonight how much he cared for her. The birthday gift he got her required so much thought and effort, and he seemed so proud to see her on stage. It killed me, but it wasn't what killed me the most. What killed me the most was the goodbyes. When we all said goodbye to eachother and it came time for them to do the usual hug/kiss on cheek thing they stoppped and looked at eachother. I dont think they thought anyone was watching because there were so many of us...but they were caught in a "moment". They were staring at eachother with desire/love whatever you want to call it. Then he just touched her face and came through the crowd to join me. On the ride home we discussed this entire situation further. He told me he did not want to lose me so he would not have contact with her. I do not think it will work, I think missing her will kill him inside. How did all this happen..

thank you everyone for supporting me during this time. As far as tonights show goes, I really dont have a choice, my niece is also in the show and she is only 5 and it is her first performance. My husband just spoke to me when he got home a few minutes ago and told me he was sorry that this was happening but that he couldn't help it. I know in my heart he wants to pursue this with her, now its just a matter of us going through the seperation/divorce process. Well I'm off to have a grand old miserable time pretending to be happy as my husband lusts after a nineteen year old. I'll be back once I get home. Thanks to everyone once again.

I suppose you're right. I jsut do not want to see her because it hurts so much and tomorrow night we are all supposed to go see her in a show shes in and then go out with her for her birthday. I cant just not go without everyone asking/wondering, plus we paid for these tickets already. An hour and a half of my husband having to watch her and then us going to dinner does not seem appealing to me at the moment. I don't think this has all quite hit me yet.

: I love my husband but after this I don't see myself ever trusting him again. If I make him stop seeing her he will either A. do it behind my back or B. hate me for it. I think we need to talk more before I make a decision. I find myself hating this girl for helping to ruin my marriage. Whenever we're all together she has the attention of every man in the room. There is not one man who does not seem to lust after her, first for her looks then after they speak to her for the combnation of her intelligence and looks. I never thought I'd be jealous of a nineteen year old much less have her come between me and my husband.

well about 20 mins before we had our talk I found another email, one he ahd written to his friend. in the email he spoke about this girl and how much he liked her, how he really "connected" with her. You can only imagine how sad/outraged I was and how difficult it was to keep my composure while talking to him. He told me that he didnt cheat physically but that there are definitely feeligns there. He admitted to going with her to the movies and dinner. He said that he loves me but he still feels something for her. When I asked him if he wanted us to separate he really did not give me a straight answer. I believe that is what he wants to do, I believe he wants to pursue her. I am numb, I cannot believe that all this has happened. I never expected my husband to stray and never for someone so much younger.

thanks once again. today I discovered that he had off a few days last week from rehearsal and they both went out together, twice to dinner, once to the theatre. He's due home in about 20 minutes for our talk. Hopefully this goes well.

yes i figured I should not mention it during our talk. I too do not believe anything physical has happened...yet. Of course I do not feel any better about the emotional cheating. After reading the emails I cant believe how much of it i can connect to how hes been acting. I learned that the song hes been whistling lately happens to be her favorite song and he even rented some movies she mentioned in the email. I do believe he is infatuated with her and it hurts me so much. I find it so unusual that he can relate to a nineteen year old, they have these amazing long conversations about everything. I think he is attracted to her not only for physical reasons but because she is passionate about the same things he is (writing, reading, theater, politics). They like all the same things and their conversations about books and their passion for writing are great conversations. If I was an outsider I would say they make a perfect match. They seem to understand eachother on a deeper level. It saddening really to read such beautiful conversations between my husband and a girl who would under any other circumstance be perfect for him.

well i gave in to the tempation and I read some of the emails...i know i know it was wrong. Well I was not happy with what I found. Apparently they email eachother a few times a day everyday, asking eachother how their days went, what they did, even talking about things like favorite movies, quotes, songs, etc. What really bothered me is how my husband addresses her. He uses names like "cutie" or "sweetie". Tommorw night he is off from rehearsal so I will talk to him about it all then.

hello again everyone. My husband, who has never been computer savy or even merely interested in computers, has started to use an instant messenger...and he has only one friend on the list and its her. He's on this all the time talking and laughing, it has become his obsession. I'm thinking about speaking with the girl, what should I say?

thank you everyone for your replies. i have been watching my husband closely lately and i have noticed some changes. All of a sudden he gets up earlier to go jogging and considering he was always a jeans and tshirt kinda guy, he has been spending money on new more trendy clothes lately. There hasnt been much of a change in our sex life, but he has not been very romantic lately (cards, flowers, surprises, etc.) when normally he was very romantic. I dont know what to do.

thank you to every one for your replies. BeStrongBeHappy: Yes that too was one of my first thoughts. My husband and I are extremely well off so at first I considered this to be a possibility. However, I found out that she belongs to a family that has the same financial standing if not more. She alos has a bright future ahead of her, she graduated high school very early and continued on to an ivy league college where she graduated early from there too. She is currently an accountant for a major corporation and will be taking her CPA exam very soon. She lives on her own and is more than able to support herself. I did tell my husband that him being affectionate with her bothers me and he said that he doesnt treat her any differently than anyone else in the group. I believe differently. I'm still deciding if i want to look through his things or not.

thanks again for the replies. ReadyorNot: normally it would bother me that my husband hugs another female so often but at first i saw her as being really young and did not think my husband could be interested. Yes he does have a daughter from his first marriage she is now 24. I know for a fact that they do speak on the phone but she is the stage manager for the show so he could easily justify those calls as being show related. I would reallly hate to look into his email and things but I suppose it would help me a bit. I also went on the age gap forums here and I saw that it is not uncommon for age gap relationships to occur. I just always saw the gap between them to be so big that I did not worry at the very beginning.

hey everyone. I will definitely keep a closer eye and watch his actions. As far as she thinking he is old, she has always made it clear that she is attracted to much older men. thanks for the replies.

Hello everyone. I discovered this site as I was googling to find some information on cheating partners and decided I would present my story and see if anyone can offer an advice so thank you in advance. I am a 46 year old woman who married a 49 year old man 2 years ago. We knew eachother for 2 years before we got married. We had both been in previous marriages that had ended long before we met eachother...his wife died and my husband and I simply grew apart. We have had a great relationship for the past four years, but recently things have changed. My husband has always been interested in theater and he recently auditioned for and joined a local community theater group and I have been very supportive of him. One of the members of this group is a gorgeous nineteen year old girl. I heard about her long before I met her because my husband would talk about her constantly. She is a very nice girl but her and my husband (who is also very attractive) have a very flirtatious relationship. Everytime he sees her he makes a point of telling her how beautiful she looks. She is currently stage managing the show and so she has to make tons of phone calls to the actors letting them know the schedule and what not, but my husband has become very discreet every time he receives a call from her and when I ask him about it he says i'm being ridiculous. The theater group is very close so we all often take trips to see shows together or to dinners and they always sit next to eachother without fail. I have noticed that the hello and goodbye hugs between them have staretd to last longer than usual and she has begun to dress in more sexy/revealing clothes which look amazing on her because she has an amazing figure. They are also touchy feely with eachother, she'll touch his arm when shes talking and he'll put his arm around her shoulders for a few seconds. What really bothered me was this past weekend he and I hosted a Halloween Party at our home and everyone came in costumes. She, like many of the other young girls who came dressed in somewhat sexy costumes which would have normally been fine. She is always very helpful so naturally she was helping to clear the table along with my husband and they were both in the kitchen while the rest of us were in the next room. I went to get one of the guests a drink and when I walked in they seemed startled and they were both standing very close to eachother and seemed very embarrased. My husband has started to become very distant and very secretive and I am very worried. Do you think he may be cheating or am I just jealous of a young beautiful girl? Should I confront him or her ? I am just very confused and very worried any help would be greatly appreciated.