pregnantkitty_1985

One- how many days is the average cycle? I was always told that it was 28 days. Well, my friend has told me that I am misinformed. She said it could be 25 days, which she claims her cycle is, or it could be more, like 30 days or so.

I'm asking because on day one of my last cycle, my period started (of course.) It lasted 7 days. Well ever since my period ended my fiance and I have been having sex everynight unprotected and he has been ejaculating inside me. This is because we want to have a baby. (Please don't judge me despite some of you having read my other threads.) Well day 28 has arrived, on December the 3rd. No period. It's now December the 5th so either A) I did indeed conceive, or B) my cycle lasts longer than 28 days.

I never charted this before so I don't know how many days my cycle is. Like I said, it is either longer than 28 days or I have conceived. I do have some PMS symptoms though, like fatigue and irritability. Some cramping too. This is all very typical of the symptoms I experience prior to my period.

So my questions are, how many days is the average cycle? Does it vary greatly from woman to woman? Also, are my chances of being pregnant high?

Okay I am going to try this, but if he doesn't get why it upset me or he thinks that my feelings are nonsense, then I am ending it.

As you should. No one should ever stay with someone who makes them feel bad about themselves or disregards your feelings. Good luck, I hope it's more of a case of 'stupid comment, insert foot in mouth' than pure maliciousness.

I knew I wasn't overreacting when I got angry. He is the one that is in the wrong. And you are right engaged kitty 1985, it seems like he has self esteem and insecurity issues. I don't know whether to try and tell him how I feel and see his reaction, or just stop all communication without even picking up the phone? I don't feel I am the one that should be doing the apologizing.

I would tell him how you felt, employing the "no-contact" thing is more geared for breakups and it doesn't seem you're in that stage. So at this point in time, stopping all communication would be more damaging (I'd say) than helpful. I'd instead pick up the phone, or, better yet, do this face to face, and tell him how you feel. And let him know you love your looks the way they are and you're not changing for nodamnbody! He'll more likely than not feel like a fool and wish he had never made such a comment in the first place. Yes, he should be apologizing, and likely will if you take such an approach.

Of course your situation is slightly different and yes he may have meant it in an insulting/controlling way, but after reading your post where he instantly corrected his percieved 'mistake'- by saying "You're beautiful, it enhances your beauty' blah blah, it could merely of been a stupid 'foot-in-mouth' comment that he didn't even realize sounded insulting. Keep an ear out for future dubious comments.

Thanks for this perspective. The answer he gave me when I asked him why he wanted me to have a hairstyle was this, "Because it enhances how beautiful you already are." Still it is wrong and was way out of line for him to "tell" me what he wanted for me. Then he went on to say that I didn't need anything to look beautiful to him. Then I said that I don't need enhancing and before I hung up on him I told him that maybe it's "him" that needs enhancing.

But then after reading this I kinda dismiss the 'controlling' claim, it more sounds like a case of foot in mouth. Where a guy (or girl) tends to make a stupid offhanded comment that doesn't really mean anything.

Like for example, my current man said to me one day, "I want to give you a day at the spa and get your hair done and nails done... and etc... etc.." I was like, "huh? What? Hold up. What's wrong with my hair?" He replied, "Nothing, I love your hair, it's just I thought that you'd like going!" Classic foot-in-mouth case, but he really didn't mean anything by it.

And yeah, I'd agree with blender that this *might* be a sign of a controller. Can't be entirely sure based upon just one comment however, so keep an ear open.

I have a suggestion. I ask that any of you take a look of my picture in my profile and tell me what I "Need" to change about my looks. I don't think I need to change a thing! I honestly think he is the one with low self esteem and wants to try and pick my looks apart.

Hmm, I read your other post, so first there's the possible lipstick stain and now he's telling you he wants you to have a hairdo? Definite red flag to me. I'd give him a taste of his own medicine, see if he likes how it tastes. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, you're an attractive woman and I love your hairstyle. He's just an idiot who's likely insecure about his own self. I had an ex who started gaining weight and as a result would tend to insult me for flaws he 'percieved.' I was perfectly fine if you asked other dudes (better-looking ones, at that) who wanted to date me. So, a lot of this I think stems from insecurity.

But what will you win if you keep rebelling against 1. your gut 2. your better judgement? Why compromising on core values, what do you gain from that?

 

Ilse (please go to sleep, lol :sleeping: )

I could be gaining a life-long relationship, or at least a good life's lesson at any rate, should I turn out to be horribly wrong about giving him a second chance.

If he's been good for a year, it's a good sign. can he handle adversity? Many people (including me) do not cope with adversity very well. There is a risk he could revert to old behaviour patterns.

 

Please proceed with caution.

Well, we've been seeing eachother 11months, and he's behaved even before he got caught in the initial things that he did. He's been behaving over half a year now. I'm not quite sure yet if he could handle adversity, I guess I'll find out one way or another. Definitely will proceed with caution.

Yep, I'd cut the link completely. Don't continue giving him access to you, it's like giving him power over you. He knows you're readily available whenever he wants you.

Are you hearing what you are saying here? This guy has a tremendous power over you. He wants you to get pregnant and raise a child, while you are THIS dependent on him? Please use protection and don't get pregnant in a relationship with so many lies.

Could you elaborate further, I am a bit confused. No offense intended at all, I'm just a bit confused. Probably because it's 5:51am here and I'm quite tired now. I've been anxious and have been up all night. Thoughts racing through my head, and whatnot.

You repeatedly say you have a 'rebellious side'. Who exactly are you rebelling against when you stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy?

Ilse

Sorry, didn't mean to be so repetitive. Just sleepy. I'm rebelling against my inner self, the one that tells me "leave, you know it's bad for you", and also against my core values, because I am compromising them by staying with him.

The practical side of you must win. There are many guys out there who are not just capable of being good but actually are good.

But what if he's capable of being good and staying good? Willing to repent? I'm definitely not religious but I know some religions are quite big on forgiving one's sins. One thing everyone (who knows him) will say about him is this: that he does have a good heart.

I think abusing property IS a bad sign but many people have abused property (including my wife and I) and not gone on to be violent towards their partners or children.

 

You may all be pleased to know that life is a lot clamer now than it was.

Good to know all things are calmer. I honestly don't think he (fiance) would ever hit me.

Well I wouldn't exactly say I live in fear. When he starts getting like he does, I let him know flat-out that he does not intimidate me. Example: last time he went into a rage, I flung him to the bed with all my strength and held him down as he flailed and raged. I refused to let him up until he calmed down. He was crying. I think it goes beyond being abusive, I think it's some sort of emotional disorder that he seriously needs medication for.

He said he wants help, and asked me if I would go with him to the mental health center. He even called them and asked them about anger management classes. It's on his own volition, I'm not forcing him.

Honestly though, reading my past few posts, it's just such a classic case of "defend your abuser." No, I don't consider him my abuser, or an abuser in any sense. But I do realize I'm sitting here rationalizing things and making excuses for him. What he's doing is wrong, what he's done is wrong. But he does need help and he deserves for someone to care, in a life where he's felt more often than not that no one has.

Kitty, I remember writing you a longer post on one of your previous threads. For your own sake, sanity, health and happiness... break up with him. I doubt the future or a marriage will make him a suitable person. You can't change a person, so if you are not happy with him, and see red flags everywhere, chances are your future will be covered with red flags when you are married to him. Do you want to ignore that gut feeling that things are really not ok? I think there are better things for you, girl.

 

Ilse

What cute kitty pictures, btw!

Sometimes I'm happy, and things are okay, and sometimes I'm not. I do tend to worry a lot and can't let anything go. I do fully realize there are indeed some major red flags here. But I do believe in a person's capacity to change, at times.

If you're afraid for your kitties, how come you're not afraid for yourself? If he's breaking stuff, there's a decent chance he'll be hitting you within a few years. Seriously.

 

If he's controlling, he probably doesn't trust you. After all, if HE'S capable of cheating, you must be too. If he almost cheated once, he'll probably almost cheat again, once he finds someone who's old enough.

 

I would run away. Don't walk - run. You'll never change him. I've been there, a couple of times with the same guy. People don't change. Sounds like things are getting worse and worse as time goes on. (I've been keeping up with your posts.)

I don't think he'd hit me... to be honest, I slapped him in the face (I'm not generally an abusive person, but I snapped) during one of our horrible fights, more to calm him down than to hurt him... not sure why I thought it would work, but... *shrug*.. and he didn't lay a hand on me.

I definitely agree with the second part of your post, I've said as much myself to my friends. I said basically, 'someone with a cheating mentality accuses others of doing such things because they themselves can conceive of it quite easily."

I don't know if things are getting worse, well the raging is, but it's never where he gets verbally abusive or tries to put me down. It seems more like built up frustration and anxiety and stress and he snaps. We've talked about him getting anger management and/or counseling.

So what is more important than your internal morals and values, I mean why are you compromising your beliefs for such a long time? This is what will lead you to incredible amounts of lost self-esteem. If you don't live according to your values you are risking of becoming depressed

I know, you're right. It's just that ever since those initial f' ups, he's been an extremely good boy, and has been, admittedly, trying his damndest to prove himself to me. At this point in time he would not do anything to compromise the relationship and though I know he's done some horrible shady things, that does show me that he does, at least for now, intend to be in this for the long run, or however long we may last. It does show me that though he's been reckless and so on, his feelings are genuine and maybe that's enough to make a change in a person.

As far as my knowledge extends, he has done nothing else to compromise the relationship and has not had even the tiniest bit of opportunity to do so. Doesn't seem interested in wanting to do so, either. Is this a good sign?

How is it that he shows he cares (other than buying you dinner and trinkets)?

He can be pretty romantic. I'm not generally an mushy gushy girl so at times he can be a bit over the top and theatrical about it, or "emo" if you will, a bit embarrassing really, but it is sweet however. He will constantly tell me he loves me, and is always attempting to put his arms around me or hold my hand, he forever talks about how 'sweet' it is when we go to sleep after having sex when I put my head on his shoulder and he puts his arm around me, he will look at me and smile and verbalize how he is happy. He talks about wanting a child and how our wedding will be and how he wants to provide for the family, and how he already considers us a family. He talks about us growing old together. He loves to see me laugh and does everything in his power to make me laugh. If I have a concern (as long as it's nothing to do with him and the things he's done I've described in other posts, blarrgggh) about someone or something he will listen respectfully and will input. He talks about my family becoming his family and vice versa and actually wanted to meet them, and enjoys going to visit people like my elderly aunt and uncle, and grandparents and such.

This is, I guess, how he shows that he cares. Is it acceptable or should I be asking for more? He never makes me feel unloved but the things he has done in the past weighs on me heavily. And he thinks I should just drop said things and we should move on with it, let the past be past, and focus on our future of 'happiness'. Good enough idea respectfully, but not so easy to do.

Oh wow, Kitty. The stress of living like that is oozing out onto the screen.

 

Before making another move, you may want to take a hard look at your finances and living options. Do you work? Could you make it on your own or with a roomate? Is going back home an option for a while?

 

Have the option of leaving at any time. Maybe you will stay with this guy, maybe you won't - it certainly can't hurt to be prepared and squared away your self in case of an emergency or big decision.

I do get pretty stressed, yes. Sometimes the internal struggle about whether I've made the right choice or not, and the mental conflict I have with compromising my core values and morals keeps me up all night. Right now I've got no finances to speak of. I'm essentially dependent on him right now and he wants me to become pregnant and stay home and raise our child. I have had a job offer, because the manager of the store lives in this neighborhood and would be able to give me a ride there. I couldn't make it on my own and I couldn't go back home. But please don't get the wrong impression and think I stay because of that. I stay, impractically, because of love. But you're right, I should have the option of leaving at any time. Sometimes I've been so furious with him I just wanted to say the hell with it, grab my stuff, and go. But that hasn't been an option for me at the present time.

Sorry, I don't like to advise people top split, except as a last resort but reading your original post on this thread, I hope you'll soon change your name to Disengaged Kitty. His behaviour is unacceptable and you can do better.

In a practical sense, I realize that. But like I said, the impractical side of me wants to rebel.

I remember one of your posts you've wrote before about the same guy.

Looks like you are getting closer to see him objectively.

I can see him practically & objectively (or, as close as possible for someone who's romantically involved with him) but then the dreamer/impractical side of me wants to think maybe despite those horrible character flaws, he really is, or can be, a good guy. Or at least is very genuine about his feelings and wants to be a completely different man.

But judging by the amount of posts on this site, I could be terribly wrong about him in the end. I know I'm engaging in some risky behavior by giving him the second chance that I did.

Whoa.

To quote my beloved grandmother, "Oh my!"

This sounds like something straight out of a V.C. Andrews novel, to be quite honest. Mysterman22, everyone's told you this and I will tell you this again. This girl is highly disturbed and cannot be mentally stable. Expending your energy thinking about this disturbed woman must be very draining. Why would you want to be involved with someone who is having a sexual relationship with their own brother? It sounds very poisonous, you should stay far, far away. You have to break free of these people, if not only to preserve your own integrity but to save your own mental state.

Hell yeah.

Also I don't see how you're responsible for his stolen LP's. He shouldn't have put anyone else in charge of something so valuable. They were his and he should have kept up with them. Don't let him blame you for that.

Kat,

I'm sorry to have to say this but, it's clear that in this guy Eric's mind, it's already over between you two. There's nothing to save because he's already declared his broke-up status, not only by the way he's been treating you (ignoring you, breaking promises to call or visit) but very blatantly by what he told your mutual friend.

Like you said you can't chain him to a chair and force him to talk. I'd advise to chill out with the contact for a few days, (you'll see how they advise no-contact on this site quite often.) and see how it goes from there. Chances are he will contact you. You will have to tell him it's important that you two talk face to face. Don't talk on IM, don't talk on the phone, talk face to face. If he's broken up with you, then he needs to be a man and tell you to your face. You also deserve to know why.

Maybe you can work it out, maybe you can. Take it easy, don't put the pressure on.