longhaircats

I have the same problem as you. Guys I meet at bars/clubs are usually party animals. Plus I'm tired of heavy smorkers. I'm thinking to try some of the online dating sites that other people here recommended. Good luck!

See you are telling us what you like but it did not influence your wanting to go out with him again. Instead you focused on his age. It is not important what we "like" because that has no basis of us wanting to go out with that person or continue to go out with them. With this same logic I can say that I like to receive new cars as birthday presents. Cuz seriously who would not like it when a person shows that they are really into them because it is an ego boost.

Oh don't get me wrong. I did like him despite our age gap and we went out on the 3rd date 2 days ago. But he told me that he broke up with his ex because she was 34 and wanted to settle down, but he has no plan on getting married for the next 10 years. I don't have that time....

hey what do you think of "you can call me or I'll call you. Talk to you later!" or "soon!"

Oh that's even better! That way she doesn't have to wait for him calling. Good advice cantexplain

Oh, you did a great job calling her after the date and told her that you had a great time. Next time, instead of telling her "call me", tell her "I'll call you later." Take the lead!

I met a guy at a bar/club on Satruday night and he called me the next day and asked me out for that night. He called me after the date to make sure I got home safe. I thought it was so sweet, and a female friend of mine also thought that was very seet of him. I think women appreciate when a guy calls. He's not afraid of calling me a lot, doesn't use text. He knows that he is attractive and his very confident. I really liked it! Too bad he was 12 years younger than me!

Hey Victory,

How long have you been with this guy? I just wanted you to know that it was HIS loss, not yours!!

Hey Orlander,

Thanks for your responce. I know I wasn't in love with this new guy. It just hurts my self-esteem I guess. He even told me that his ex ended up calling him 1am crying outside of a bar when she was with her another ex-boyfriend. I think he is still in love with her. He wants me to be his friend, and I'm okay with it, but I just can't believe I am doing to this. I should have told him * * * * off.....but I coundn't.

Hi drum,

My ex kept me hanging for 4 months after the initial breakup. He became hot and cold and gave me tons of mixed signals. I guess a dampar go through doubts as well. If she really loves you, she should be with you at this moment. Don't overanalyze what she says or what other says. Just believe your gut, and think about what "you want." My ex disappeared so many times in the past and I took him back every time, hoping he'd changed, but he never did and I know he never will. You can never change someone, or someone's feelings. You just have to accept who she is. NC is for you to figure out what you want in your life. After a while of NC and if you still want her, then ask her back.

I've been depressed over a week since my ex called (original thread here: ) but I told myself last night that I had enough. I decided to work hard on my research and stay positive in life. I was doing great this morning.

Few hours ago I got an email from the guy I dated for over a month. He told me that his ex-girlfriend of 6 mo asked him to work things out, and they decided to get back together. She broke up with him 5 mo ago to be with her ex-boyfriend, and apparently they didn't work out, so she run back to the old boyfriend's arms.

I pretended like it was fine and happy for him, but I am hurt. I wasn't over my ex either, so I can't blame him dating someone new right away. But I just feel so down. I have a lot to offer and we were just starting to get to know each other, and he seemed so into me. I can't help wonder, how could he dump me (without even knowing me) to be with a woman who dumped him for another man??

Hi drum,

I wish my ex took some time to reflect what we had, just like you are doing now. Instead, he jumped into a new relationship. It really hurts. We ended 4 mo ago, I did NC for 3 mo, and he replaced me so quickly. I still do love him after all this. We are capable of loving someone unconditionally, but many paople can't. You are a good man, and hope your ex realize what she's missing. Hang in there.

Thanks drum,

I really needed a big hug!! Sandy, how are you doing?

Hi Sandy,

I had a rough week. I found out a week ago that my ex boyfriend of 3 years is already living with someone else. It's been only 3 mo. A new guy I dated for a month and half disappeared at the same time. Then I met a young guy the same night and we went on 2 dates. He called me yesterday and asked me out for tonight, but he never called me. I am feeling so low tonight. I feel like I have no judgement in guys anymore. I don't have many friends here since I moved to a new city 3 mo ago. I'm a nice person, good looking, never cheat, but am single and lonely.....

The one things I would warn is that sites like yahoo and match are known to have alot of rebounders on them. People who arent really ready for relationships, but want to "move on".

So which sites would you recommend? I do get hit on bars/clubs quite often but my problem is that they are way to young for me. I've tried online dating in the past for a short period of time, but I got tired of receiving so many creapy emails and I stopped.

In my limited online dating experience, I replied to about 5% of people, and went on a date with about 25% of them.

Caine,

Just relax and not think about her for a while. If you two met online, she is probably meeting other people as well. Although she liked you, she may be not so sure if the attraction was strong enough to go on a second date. She may want to decide after going out with other fish. Who knows? So don't think about what might have happened to her. If you don't pursuit her, I think you two still have a chance. Be confident and let her come to you.

Hi Pisces_Princess,

I'm in SW London. It's my first winter in the Europe. The weather really gets me! Where is the sun??

Thank you everyone for giving me your kind words. It means a lot to me.

I've been feeling like this since my ex called me last Saturday and the new guy bailed at the same time. I hate the fact that I came here for my research yet I have not been able to do anything because I am so distracted. I always had a confidence in me in the past: I am fairly atractive, look young, smart, am a good cook, and I don't cheat. But that confident wonan is gone. I meet people 10 years younger than me in school and bar/clubs, but I don't feel confortable dating a young man.

rosie76, yes I moved from the US to the UK about 3 mo ago. I don't feel like home at all, because the flat is a temporary place and I have to go back to the US in 2 mo to decide if I want to be based in the US or not. I'm not a US citizen, but I still have a part-time job there. My original plan was to go back to the US and live with my ex and my cats, but now I don't have to be there.

need2bme, I feel your pain. I was left alone in the apartment we used to live together, so I didn't have to go through the situation you are in. But still it eats at me too.

flutterbywngs, I totall understand what you mean. It is our memory that haunts us. You put your heart and soul to a parson for a long time, and it strikes me that our old partners can move on so quickly. I though, believe that they rush into a new relationship out of desparation, and that would explain 70% divoce rate of the second marrige.

Betya, I was proactively looking someone in the past 2 mo or so, but it wasn't fair because I wasn't over my ex. However, dating new people made me realized that I am capable of loving someone again. I will keep looking.

I found out 6 days ago that my ex boyfriend of almost 3 years is already living with someone else. We ended 4 mo ago. He wanted to settle down and I wasn't sure if he was the "one." So he broke up with me. I am hurt because he replaced me so quickly. I feel like our 3 years didn't mean anything to him.

I was dating a guy for over a month, but he pulled away all the sudden and I am hurt again because I though that he was someone I could trust.

I am scared that I would never be able to find a man I could open up my heart again. I am scared that I might be single forever. I'm 37, divorced, no kids. This evening I was trying to fix a home appliance in my flat and I spend two hours in vain. It hits me because I am so alone. I moved to a new city to start my PhD, and am still trying to adjust myself to the new environment. I am so depressed I haven't been able to focus on my research. I miss my friends, my cats, my family, and memories of what I had with my ex. I am just sitting here in front of my computer, crying, feeling all alone.

Just wanted to vent. Thanks for reading.

Fallback Guy,

I can't believe someone who you spent 5 years of your precious time with could possibly do this to you. She is heartless and selfish. Now you can use your anger to accelerate your healing process. I'm pretty sure someday you will meet a great woman and thank to the God that you didn't end up marrying this woman. Hang in there.

Hey,

I know how you feel, because I too was the one who couldn't commit marrige after almost 3 years. Over the past 7 months I was in pain and blamed myself why I couldn't give what he wanted, why I treated him the way I did. I tried to get back to him but he told me the damage has been done and he doesn't feel the same way anymore.

Do you feel anger? Do you still feel guilty? I realized that guilt was what preventing me from moving on.

Orlander,

I feel you, I just found out 4 days ago that my ex of almost 3 years is already living with someone else. It hit me bacause he replaced me so quickly (3 months). Like your case, he broke up with me because I couldn't tell him that he was the "one" while he wanted to settle down.

But you know what? It really made me realized that we are over and no way to want to get back to someone who can replace me so quickly. He wanted to marry someone who love him buck, but it didn't have to be me. It really helped me moving on, and I feel that I turned the corner. You are on the right track.

I read John Gray's "starting over" book and it says "when a man (your case woman) rush into another relationship right away, his actions do not mean he did not love the woman with whom he was previously involved. He is just seeking to get out his pain. In some cases, the greater the loss, the more quickly he may try to be involved in another relationship"

This indicates that your ex moved on so quickly because her loss (you) was so big she has to fill the viod as soon as possible. So forgive her. She was just too weak to be on her own. You deserve so much better anyway!

Step up your pursuit of or find a new passion in your life, a reason to be psyched about getting out of bed in the morning, something you've always wanted to do but maybe never had the time, motivation, or confidence to do it. My last break up motivated me to go climb a few of the seven summits. Find a new hobby, a new associated club to join, and make new friends and memories. Maybe go back to school or otherwise improve your professional life. Use this pain and grief as motivation to better yourself. The grief is going to take as long as it needs here but you can ameliorate the sting and give it purpose to which you can reflect upon in the future and ultimately feel good about this situation you are in....

I moved to a new city 3 mo ago to start my PhD so am working on my career improvement. I always loved traveling, but since I am a self-funded student with budget constraint, I will stay local and go to pool (I used to be a quite swimmer when I was a kid) and start Aikido lesson. I stopped eating junk food and trying to stay healthy and look good. I've been trying my best to enjoy my life here.

This will pass and you will be fine I absolutely 100% guarantee it. Tomorrow or 2 months from now you might have a rough day, but the overall trend will be onward and upward. Buckle in and prepare for the absolute worst so when it isn't really as bad as your thought, this relative difference will pick your spirit up as well. You will be fine and you are fine right now...you just don't feel or believe it yet...

Thank you so much. I really needed to hear it. I am feeling good now, and I know there will be ups and down, down the road. I will come back here for help when I am down, but I know I'm on a right track.

Everyone, thank you so much again!!

Love all,

longhaircats

Blender,

Thank you so much. You are so right. I am attached to him, but am not in love with him, so it shouldn't be so difficult for me to set back. I will not contact him at all. I just deleted his phone number from my cell

Thanks a lot and I'll keep you updated!

love,

longhaircats

Hi Blender,

I know what you mean. I was just upset because I was really becoming to like him and see myself to be with him in a long term. But I have too much pride to let him know. I feel urge to find out what is really happening to him, but at the same time I am scared....

My friends told me that I should just simply stop contacting him and let him chase me. However, I don't really know if I want a relashionship with someone who act like this. Is it normal? Is it worth trying? Shall I just forget about him? I really like him, but it seems like I don't have a good judgement in guys these days.

How about saying something like this?

You are acting soooo weired. I thought you are someone I could trust and build at least a friendship with, but I guess I miss judged you. Have a nice life!

Northalius, do you think I should contact him then? emailing him?