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· Feeling safe · Not feeling alone · Getting a hug when you need one · Hearing I love you · To be clothed, fed and cared for without guilt · To have been wanted at birth We all have broken expectations from childhood…my mother was insane. I don't want to be like her. That's a fear. Even when she was dying I was afraid of her. And now she's going and I feel guilt. My whole life was based on guilt from the woman. And guilt controls my life now. It's a cycle I realize…one that I want to stop and refuse to continue with my own children. For now I'm going to go home and figure out a way to get threw the weekend without any blowups (that is not possible I realize) but I'm going to attempt it. Keep the strength that I've gotten from everything and everyone here (especially you Green) and make it back to my haven at work on Monday morning. Stay safe and free!!

I've spent alot of time thinking about what it was about her that I was so attacted too. And I think it's because she was so self confident. So in control of her own life at a very young age. I had been threw two failed marrages and was tired. I think you are right in that I ran to her thinking things would be different instead of spending time finding out who I was and what I really wanted. I don't want to make that mistake again. And as far as the kids go I don't want them to watch me allowing this. I want them to grow up and respect the decisions I made, not feeling sorry for me or not repect me at all. I want them to be strong. My mother was a demanding and frighting woman, my father was quiet and took it from her my whole life. We all did. I was never hit by anyone, but I keep finding the same controlling angry people to be with. The ones that I can "help". It's going to take me a long long time to figure out where my head is. Talking it out here is helping.

OH the last thing I could imagine thinking about right now is anyone else. I want control of my life again from my finances to the remote control....control. Certainly not having to worry about anyone else's needs my children's and mine. I'm very glad you got out green....

Yes unfortunately you are right. I'm reading so many posts of so many people in the same situation, and its truly amazing. It's like there is a light over our heads that says...yes go ahead abuse us. How do they find us, then rope us in and then spit us out time and time again. But the light at the end of the tunnel..the underlying theme is you can get out! It's a chant that I'll keep saying under my breath until I can finally do the deed. You can get out...

Well so much of it is easy to see when you are reading it. Her temper..she loses it at the smallest of things, like if I start cooking before she gets home. Or if I make an appoinment without asking. She'll scream and hit things. And she stares at me, it feels like forever and her eyes shake she's staring so hard and she won't say a word, then after what seems like forever she'll scream! And the Mean Sweet Cycle...scream and yell and make me feel stupid and on edge and say horrible things then bring me home flowers and take the kids for ice cream (she knows the kids are the way to my heart). Then it could be 2 days later or just a few hours, I'll do something wrong and she'll freak out again. Then ignore me until I can't it anymore, sometimes that lasts for days. It drives me crazy. Everything is always my fault. No matter what it is. Our fridge just recently went out, when I told her it finally broke (it was 14 years old) she lost it. Told me that if I would have paid more attention to myself and the kids shutting the door correctly it wouldn't have broken. It doesn't matter what it is, it will come back around to me. Normally I just agree that it's my fault and that stops the screaming. I could go on and on. She corrects me when I'm speaking, if I mispronouce a word, and she'll make me say it over and over again. It doesnt matter if there is someone else there or not. But I think the Walking On Eggshells is the biggest thing. I am always nervous and worried and scared about what I say or what I'm doing. When she comes home I have to run to the bathroom or basement, I can't be where she'll see me because I need that few seconds to stop the pounding. I'm not allowed to be comfortable. Thank you for the article...right now I just feel pathetic for putting up with everything for so long.

I'm in the middle of reading "Losers - How to spaot a lsoer, this on is so bad", and I'm feeling terrifed and nauseous. This is her! So many of these things are her! Why didn't I know????

I apologize I didin't answer a couple of your questions...I am so excited about the house I found I just flew threw the posts. No I have no family..they are all on the west cost..me on the east coast. And no we have no legal ties, no marriage and I've never allowed her to adopt any of the children. Thank goodness. In that aspect I was always able to stay strong. I hope this feeling stays with me, because I havent' felt this light and strong and well happy in a very long time!!!

Thank you all so much for you advise and kind words. I took a step today and looked at a house for me and the kids. It won't be available for another few weeks but that gives me time to save some money. I haven't found the nerve to tell her I'm leaving yet. And I don't know when that will happen. But I want to make sure I have everything prepared so I don't find myself out in the street with my children. She holds our home over my head and all the things in it. I don't care about that stuff. I can replace it. I've started bringing things that are important to me to my job and keeping them here. Pictures, papers stuff like that. I'm still so afraid, but I'm also feeling stronger because I've made the choice to leave. Our lives are very much entertained due to this being over 7 years. But those things will get resolved. I also finally told a good friend of ours who at my dismay was not shocked and said he thought this might be happening but I would never hear him out before. So he's there to help if needed. I'm lucky I have a good job and I can support us all without depending on her. The fear is still first and foremost, but I'm praying that the steps I am taking help me in getting and staying strong. So thank you all so much. Realization of what has actually been happening to me has been like a hard slap in the face. How can someone be so blind for so long? The fact of the matter is now I know....and now I can take back my life and my soul. Wish me luck!!

I should have been clearer in my original post...I am also female. I do not know if that really matters........

I'm not sure if this is appropriate for this forum but at this point I just need advice/help whatever you want to call it. I've been in my relationship with my partner for over 7 years now. Since the beginning she's been controlling and very explosive. No she's never hit me, but she scares the hell out of me. We have 4 children ages 11-16 (all mine biologically). She controlling to the point that I can't function around her. I can't make a decision to save my life. I'm always wrong. If something happens it's always my fault. She tells me she doesn't respect me anymore because I'm weak. I woke up this morning and on my way to work I just wanted to ram my car into the guardrail doing 70 because I'm so tired and I'm so numb. But I don't know how to leave. After a weekend of screaming and yelling and her telling me how awful I was she brought me home flowers yesterday. She looked so sincere. But I can't really care anymore. She gives us a good life financially and my kids have what they need. But just what they need. I'm afraid my children are looking at me like I'm a loser because I "allow" this to happen. But I can't seem to get the words out that I want to go. She controls what I do, where I go, what I eat, what I wear, who I talk to, even what books I read. Now she has started controlling my relationship with my children, and I'm scared. I want out, please I just want out. How can I get her to leave me? How can I make her not want to be there anymore. I've tried everything I can, but I get scared every time and back down. I feel worthless without her, but scared and nauseous when I'm with her. She screams and stares at me for what seems like hours and no matter what I answer it's wrong. All in all I think I've lost my mind, am I just crazy? Please help!