pacopaco

 

result: she called you at 1:30 am.. to mess up with your mind.. you didn't pickup.. the best thing you did.. 99.9% recovered from the damage she wanted to have on you.. that 0.01% is your why question, which is still difficult to forget.. but non the less you did the best thing. GOOD JOB mate.

 

Wonderful comment! I totally agree with it. THANK YOU, mate.

it's just weird. At 1:30am on a weeknight, I would have most definitely answered if she had been in an accident or if there was some other emergency, but to leave no message, the thought dawned on me, that that is the very reason NOT to answer or call back, but she'd never know that it is that kind of behavior that is self-defeating. I was thinking to myself a minute ago "I'm happy now, and anything like weird phone calls serves only to disturb my peace." of course, it didn't.

she did, at friggin' 1:30am Tuesday morning. I saw it on my caller I.D., but I didn't pick up. she left no message. It isn't that big of a deal, as I went back to bed, and I have not, and will not call back. But still, it begs the question "why?" I guess I just wanted to post here for the reason being that that is what this forum is for. She does have me guessing, which is the whole purpose of her call, I think. To make me wonder about her.but if she's calling at 1:30am, I think her wonder is more, or she decided to "drink n' dial." Gee Wiz! comments?

Paco

 

Thanks for all of the support. It means a lot coming from you, because I know you have been through basically the exact same thing. Knowing that you have made it through this gives me hope, even though you are much stronger than I am.

 

I am going to email the girl I am seeing today, and talk to her tonight. Hopefully I will be brave enough to see her for LOST, and if things get out of hand I will just talk to her then.

 

One question, why would I thank my ex for making me feel alive?

I was just being silly about thanking your ex. all I meant was that you're in touch with your feelings. Think about it. I'm not stronger than you, you're just as strong. Strength comes from being in touch with yourself. question: why would things get out of hand? you're in control. if you don't want to move fast, then don't. this time around, mac, you will get what you're asking for. If you know she is a rebound, let her know (nicely,) if she is a good honest woman, she'll understand, and appreciate that you told her. It'll keep her from feeling like you used her. Be the "stand-up guy." if you don't want things going all out of control, then hold your horses. what's the rush?

Sissy? mac, you sound like a real man. you're conscious of how you feel, and you're conscious of this other woman, and how she may feel. You're a real man, with real feelings, if anything, thank your ex for making you feel alive! Sorry I keep post after posting, but there is a lot to learn and comment on, all coming from you...take it S...L...O...W...L...Y...

 

I understand we weren't right for each other now. I know it is still fresh, but our relationship was shallow. No depth.

WOW, Mac! doesn't it feel good to understand?

Hey mac,

take it slow, take it slow. watch lost, but don't get "lost" in it. I too am kind of seeing someone, it isn't a rebound, as I haven't been with anyone for a year, but I still want to take it slow. this girl I've been seeing is nice, intelligent, and attractive. I see myself having a good good friend, if nothing happens. She knows about my breakup, as I told her, and she was very understanding. She's a catch, that's why it's worth everything to be friends for a time and see where it goes.

The line between what you want and what you need isn't all that hard to see, if you're thinking. I know I want to be in this girl's orbit, and yes, she is attractive to where I want to sleep with her. I have thought about it, and it's a very pleasing thought, though at the same time, I feel I have made such a nice friend with her, that "going all the way" at this point is going to the movies and having veggie burgers at Native Foods. I'm enjoying myself.

She called me on Saturday night to inform me that the Shins were playing on TV. Says she "I just thought of you, and I wanted to let you know." That was sweet, and I am savoring these small things. She calls me "sweetie." I'm not about to ruin anything like that, because this girl is a keeper. As a partner or as a good friend, I do intend to keep around her. She's very nice. If i feel i am ready for a "next step," then I will take it. for now, I'm having too much fun just making her laugh.

Take it slow slow slow, Mac, you won't regret it. Conversely, she just might feel that the next step is soon, and if she does, she'll let YOU know. feel it out, think, and enjoy an episode of Lost, where is the harm in that?

I had to chime in on this. I've been NC for two months. I feel so much better. No confusion, no scrambled mind, and a chance to really heal my heart. NO CONTACT is the perfect prescription for a broken heart.

Hmm, nobody special yet? Well, I can understand if thats the case. Even a year wouldn't be long enough to get the heart ready for another round. But I do hope that some girl come along and blows you off your feet!

Thanks for this.Actually I had a Friendgirl (she's a girl, and she's my friend, she's a friendgirl, as opposed to a girlfriend) come over last night and make me dinner. that was nice. Tonight there is another girl that I am going out with. I'm not looking to fall in love. To be true, I am enjoying being by myself. I'm surprising myself every step of the way. Not that every surprise is a good one, but they are surprises nonetheless.

I am so much more comfortable in my skin than I was, and I listen to what my gut tells me, more than I ever did. I'm doing great, I'm feeling great!

Now, if a speacial lady comes along and likes what she sees and hears coming from my mouth, that will be the next step. Don't get me wrong, I am doing wonderfully, but I still have fears, but as i see it, that's just human. I have hopes, too, and that is also human. I think that what I am doing, even on a subconscious level, is t aking my time. I'm 33, there is time for everything, and there is no need for rushing anything. I'm ok.

Time to take the next step? Maybe, huh, yeah, maybe???

 

 

True, but after a year, I think I'll keep the same angle, and let time dictate what happens. Time truly is on the side of the brokenhearted, I believe.

Glad that you are in a state of peace. It is very encouraging to hear and gives me something to look forward to.

Always look forward. Gee, I really wish I could tell the secret, but there is no secret, we're all different. One thing that helped me, though was (and still is) in thinking that this woman is a person, not a god. This is a person, that just as I looked up to her, it's also possible to look straight and say "I deserved better than this." That realisation has helped me tremendously, and you can't buy that, only go through it until you see for yourself.

I went through a similar thing. My ex had her stuff at my place, basically using me as a storage facility for three months, while she found an apartment. her mail would still come. I demanded (politely) that she come and get her things. She started with the "why are you being mean?" I said I was not being mean, and having her things out of here was about me, not her. I wanted to move on. As far as the mail goes, I told herI would not longer be calling her to come pick it up, but I would be throwing it away like I would a pizza or supermarket flyer. She stepped up to the plate changed her address, and removed her things from my place pretty quick after that.

Happy Independence Day!!! I wish I had the peace you proclaim.

 

Orlander

Thanks Orlander. I guess it is a kind on Independence day for me. I do feel at peace. So many things that bothered me in the last year seem to have just faded into the blue. I needed to realise that most of it was internal, hence the value of NO CONTACT. It made me look at me, and realise what I have control over, and what I don't. It's helped me so, so much.

Hey Mcgyver: never never lose hope. We're human, Hope is what we have, and hope helps us move and do things. Keep doing, Keep the hope for yourself.

Tonight is one full year that my ex-girlfriend became my ex-girlfriend, and was no longer my partner. She left with her lover and didn't come home. I've tried all day to associate the pain of that day with this day, but I can't shake the feeling of peace, just peace.

Hey man, get that cell back from her. she can go to hell. Let call him from a pay phone! she's calling him at your expense, literally. My ex and i also shared a cell plan under her name. I got a house phone and gave it back right quick. afterward just give the phone to a family member or someone you trust that can use a cell.

(trying to keep busy... sorting my life out... getting my priorities sorted) but just cant get this piosonous mindset to go away.

Keep doing what you're doing. don't worry. She's probably picturing you having sex with some hottie you met, too. When things are more clear you'll think "who cares who and how many."The poisonous mindset will leave you. You can hold me to that.

This is mainly for the guys, but girls feel free to respond.

How long after someone left before it really "hit" you and you

had regrets? I know sometimes it doesn't seem real for a little while, so how long

was it for you?

It me like a ton of bricks to the head the instant I asked if she had slept with him. What also hit me was the fact that I did nothing wrong. Immediately, I thought "this isn't me."

In other words, no matter who left whom, they are FLAWED. We're just better. Heh.

I don't know that we're better, but sure, they're flawed. Ask my ex-girl. She's all messed up, and I realised that I am GLAD she left me. I wouldn't have the opportunity to find me. All this giving, giving, giving, and then being cheated just will not do! yeah, she's flawed, and you'd be surprised how many people are so so afraid to find out about how they really work on the inside, even if it could be grand!

This urge to contact him just to say something scathing or bitter is eating at me. I know that I can't act on these angry feelings, but I'm literally shaking thinking about how much I'd love to give him a piece of my mind right now. I know I just have to tell myself that it will pass and that acting on it will make me look like a fool. But for anyone that is going through/has gone through this phase ... what did you do to take your mind off of/release your anger?

Don't so that. what would it serve? only his ego. Write it all down, but write it terms of him (i.e. iam so angry at YOU, etc.) I went through the same thing, and stopped myself. I said "what the hell is this going to do for ME?" I am what is important here, not her. she can go to hell, and the best thing to do is not to speak for good or ill.

 

Anyway, he was parading this woman around while I was immobilized with grief. He was dating her while I was doing all this soul-searching.

It happened to me too, but it's the soul searching that makes all the difference. did you jump into something right away, too? no. Keep the soul searching, and may it never stop for you. we are all a work in progress. People that leave people to be with other people in the blink of an eye really trip me out. make me think, "what are they missing?"

Isis -

If I had to guess at the kind of vibe I'm radiating, it might be low self esteem or insecurity, or something like that. But I have no idea how to change that.

There is your answer. let me tell you about me. My whole reason for being on this forum is that last year my girlfriend of 7 years cheated on me and had a full affair with her boss. I'm getting so much better now, but more on that some other time.

I knew she had low self-esteem, and a bucket full of insecurities. I loved her for her faults. Who did she cheat with? a manipulating, insecure, braggart man, who (by her words) will always have to bring up how "secure and confident he is."

People can read each other. we all do. These are things unspoken, and that is why like attracts like. A confident man would not have had an affair with my ex. He knew about me, and they both still chased each other. Like attracts like.

Hi! you won't be alone forever, but maybe you need to be alone for you and your son for a little bit. do you feel you always need a man in your life? you shouldn't it. The only person you need is your son, and you are the only person he needs.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that "like attracts like." if you feel you need, then the men you are attracting are probably the same in that regard. Try this, if you are attracting men, there is nothing you can do about it, but you can get to know someone. Take it slow, very slow. whether in a romantic situation or otherwise, a person's true colors will come out eventually.

Know Thyself, first, because if you don't, know one else will. I hope that helps.

this is a weird post. How is killing people going to do anything about your ex? be a mechanic, no need to go out and murder. In my opinion, killing is killing, either for a nation or for yourself. if you want to become a trained killer because of an ex girlfriend, you're going to fall deeper and deeper into the emotioanl hole you're in. If you want to join a combat squad for national pride, or some other reason, It would be diferent. Be the electrician, that's a skill you can take with you for the rest of your life. Carrying around a gun and helmet is not.What is killing or getting yourself killed good for?

Thanks JoeWho. Everyday is trying, and everyday is making it happene for myself. I'm back in school, and I feel great in class. My mind is off of things, and I'm studying SCIENE! i love it.

Good advice pacopaco. I guess if I never go back to her, it really doesn't matter what she is doing with him. It still hurts, but I know I have to move on. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through this. It's the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I can see her faults much more clearly today that yesterday, and soon enough I know that is all I will see. That's what she did to me. Focused on my faults (as few as there are) and made me out to be the villian so she didn't have to feel bad. She repressed her love until she thought it disappeared.

 

I wish I didn't love her anymore.

given time, you won't love her anymore. I'm telling you, I don't want this woman back, she's bad news, and so is your ex. In time, you may want to thank her for leaving you high and dry, because it's that high and dry that will make you stronger, and more in tune with you.

congratulations on taking the high road. Keep that up. I did the same thing. I never called her names or threw her things out of our apartment. I didn't show up to her work and confront her boss (affair partner.) Stay dignified, and be the gentleman that you are. No need to smother yourself in mud, as she has done. your acts speak loudly, as mine did, and I don't regret one single thing, and that counts for so so much!