Lillyx

Thanxs snowgirl you`ve been great, iv looked at these websites and at least i know im not on my own. But iv made up my mind on what i want to do,iv relised i dont want to be here anymore because im never going to forget what happened to me, im never going to be able to trust anyone ever. Night after night its pain, no matter what i do to try and make it better nothing works. I dont want to be here anymore. Im gonna get abuse by saying this but i dont care because i wont be here to read it, i dont want to live anymore i want to die, so im going to, iv made up my mind and im not going to change it. I thought about it alot how am i gonna cope if i am pregnant? i wont be able to , my dad will kill me and id rather not let him win so il do it instead. There is no one i can trust so whats the point. Thanxs guys, youv been real nice and have really helped me.

Yeah but if the police dont believe me who is? there is no hope in me anymore. Do you wanna know the worst thing of all, i wasnt gonna say it on here but oh well, iv taking 3 pregnancy test and they have all come up as positve. Well lets hope its me getting fat not having a baby. Im going to book an appiontment at the docters soon. Im angery at myself for letting him do it that i cant stop him what dan did it to me, when i thought he cared for me . But iv have learnt somthing from all this NEVER EVER TRUST ANYBODY. I dont believe in abortion at all iv always thought if your old enough to have sex you are old enough to live with the consiqences. And i didnt ask for sex and i get it thrown on me. God must really hate me. Im soo woried, im not telling anyone about this , if i go to the docters will they tell my family? my dad will kill me, why couldnt i stop him, i should be able to stop it. , im so angry that he did this. Im sorry im blabbering on , i just need to get it all out. everynite i get hurt one way or another, i dont even wanna talk about last nite, lets just say im very bruised all over. Im still blabbering im gonna go.

Thanxs guys but i dont think i can, if you knew what happened to me last time i went to the police and ran away it was the worst night ever i was well ,forsed on by about 4 guys who my dad knew ,with a gun in my mouth while they did this and i couldnt do anything but cry and when they left i had a repeat eposode but with a knife in his hand and he scrapped it all over my body so i was bleeding. Dan the guy i met, i met him at a bus stop and he started chating to me and things grew from there, i thought i could trust him but it turns out he is jsut like my dad. I know im gonna get so much abuse by saying this but i could never ever trust another man again they are scum!!!!!!!!! This is ther way my life has to be,i hate every second and have tryed to get away so many times but it gets worse when i do that. So iv given up on life. I came on here just to let y feeling out because it was too much. Thanxs anyways guys ur real good peep. Well let hope that he will soon kill me and then i wont have to live with this.

Iv gone to the police b4, my brother or my mum they always find somone and said that they were with my dad and blah blah was with me at that time. The police have been angry with me a few times because they dont believe me and im classed as a " time waster". He always has an "alabie ". So now i dont even bother they are useless. The beetings has happened since i was like 4 and it grew to get worse till now. I live in england. I know there is nothing i can do , the only reason i came on here is because i needed to get it out of my sistem because i put it to the back of my head and it gets too much for me. Iv relised the more i do to get away the worst it all gets. Iv run away some one in my family has found me. Iv cut myself, i foulnmd someone to take my pain away- but it ended up with it happening to me again. Iv tryed sucide but it didnt work. Theres nothing else i can do, i cant take anymore of it but thats what my life has always been like and i hate every second of it but theres nothing anyone can do.

hi evry1, sorry 2 post this. just needed 2 talk about it try and get it off my chest. Iv been abused for nearly all my life by my dad sexully, physicly and emotionly. I v had everything done to me and nuthing will surprize me anymore. i met this guy he is 23 im 14 he showed me attention everything i wannted and treated me so nicly i told him everything about my dad and familly and how my life has been and about the abuse because i really trusted him and i thought he truly loved meand cared about me. the more time i spent with him the more weird is the rite word it got. he started sayin that unless i met him 4 sex he wud tell ervy1 wot hapened 2 me with my dad . he thinks that i willingly let my dad hurt me. im ashamed 2 write this, but i met him. i was very scared of who he wud tell and whether it wud get back 2 my dad because i know he will make life evern worse. ok, deep breaths, i met him in a park and he forced me... it hurt but i cudnt do anythin. i cryed and he got angry wen i started screamin, i tryed to push him away but the more i did the more he would hurt me. a couple near by must have herd me coz i remember them comin over and the guy i met was runnin away. i cudnt tell u wot the couple sed 2 me, i have no idea all i no is i got up and just ran. thats all i wanna say 4 now, mayb il write sum more wen i feel stronger but feelin very fragile. I dunno what to do, im so confused and angry about it all. Any advice guys would be great.