Alberto

I think it works both ways also, if you act like that with men, they are suddenly interested in you also.

 

I think you're just putting off a "cooler vibe." People don't want anyone who is giving off a desperate or needy "I need a relationship!" vibe. So when you seem to be happy being single, acting like a whole person, you suddenly become very attractive.

 

Anyways, keep it up!

that was AWESOME advice.

in her defense, maybe she's unsure because being bi may mean he would still see guys on the side?

great speech! i'm an atheist but the message was duly noted and helped alot.

stay strong. dont expect too much from her. the question about f'ing any chicks is just her being insecure and unsure of herself. dont make too much out of it, trust me. i've been there. keep looking forward and know you're doing the best you can do in your situation.

he's doing the typical things that someone who wants to reconcile would do which almost never work...what if he were to vanish from the face of the earth on you? would you wonder about him, try to contact him?

i totally understand what you're saying. this weekend was a beautiful weekend as in weather, but otherwise it was the pits. all sorts of things starting to go wrong for me, and its getting to me. on top of it it all, i've been starting to dwell on her again just like you are. what if she isn't missing me, what if she is completely relieved to pursue grass is greener guy, what if she thinks i'm having the time of my life since i dont call her or anything so thereforeeee she thinks she did the right thing...its kind of sucking right now but i dont think calling her will help me or help getting her back in any way.

when it rains in pours lol. i just cant wait to look back on all of this and shake my head, glad that its over. i just dont know when that day will be. good luck, man. remember to allow yourself to have bad days or moments. its ok.

If you are sure you want her back call her up - now - and say you want to meet to discuss the relationship. If she is willing, then you need to sort out the problems that caused the break-up by identifying them, finding a way to solve them and how to stop them occurring again.

 

This process may take some considerable time and you should both be prepared for that.

 

If you are not sure you want her back then you should not call her or contact her at all.

 

Bottom line - decide what you want and how to go about getting it.

this would imply that she wants the same thing right?

I am sorry dude...

 

The same thing just happened to me, about 9 days ago. I really don't understand the whole, I love you thing, but I just don't feel like I used to. I also understand what you guys write about that.

 

However, how in the world do you stay with someone that long (you 5, me 13 1/2) and then break up over the damn phone. That is pure chicken bleep!

 

Also, why would you hang out with someone, go to the movies with them, hold hands, make love to them and still then break up over the phone. That is cr*p.

 

Lastly, if she had someone else, then it was not fair to make love to me (for him, her and especially me).

 

Good luck dude!! Hang in there!!

thanks man. what little insight i have about how someone after so many years of being close etc...is that at least for my case, it involves cowardice like you said. cowardice on her part for not being able to be honest with me before having to come to this, and cowardice on my part for not putting my foot down when i first got a single inkling of something being awry and hoping that it'd smooth itself out like it did before.

I have no plans on contacting her unless i get desperate and decide to try to finesse a friends with benefits thing. I know that if she is jumping into another relationship, its a long distance relationship, he is no prize nor has he shown from what i know to be willing to bend over backwards for her. she knows full well i loved her dearly no matter what i say or dont say, or do or dont do now. that'll eat her from the inside when she starts missing our relationship.

i refuse to be second best and i refuse to be taken for a fool. if she doesnt realize and regret what she has lost, i know that she will have to live with * * * *ing up something very special the way she did. again, its literally a matter of time before she calls to check up on me or who knows what. i just dont know how i should react to it yet.

Thanks for all of your advice. I am going to go on NC, you guys are 100% right. It's all so predictable though, she's going to realize the grass isn't greener some time in the future, think of why I just vanished from the face of the earth thinking I found someone else, call me up and then what? Don't get me wrong, for example today I'm having a TERRIBLE day coping but I haven't contacted her, as a matter of fact I'm trying to fight this nasty cold in order to go out to a party with this hot girl. I think the more NC will just lead me to resent her for not being upfront with me when she had the chance. The purpose of LC the previous days was sort of to give her a chance to redeem herself, to let her know I am understanding, and I think I did get that accross. Anyone want to take bets how long it'll take before she breaks NC?

just got dumped a week ago, barely been eating. i have to remind myself to eat something. i'm in the same boat with you regarding sleep, but its getting better.

I am in nearly the same boat. Been with her for over 5 years and she said more or less the same thing. I just didn't get it, I could understand perhaps talking about it to see if something can be done about and then breaking up but to break up without a legitimate warning just doesnt smell right. I did some snooping around the night she said she wants to break up and learned she's been talking with her ex over the phone. She admitted to it but swears that she did not break up with me to go out with someone else. Its just that she wasn't happy. The killer is I'm not sure to take her at her word now when she says that and when she assures that 'its not over'.

My gf of over 5 years broke up with me last week citing 'i dont feel the same and i want some time to focus on myself'. We've both been kind of in a rut in our lives but I've recently graduated with an AA and am ACTIVELY looking for a better job for a few weeks now. She's about to enter graduate school and is fed up with her job. We didn't have major fights or have any nasty jerry springer-like episodes but instead gave each other plenty of space and were always eager to help each other out. She still lives with her parents at the age of 27, while I share an apartment. As far as I knew, we adored each other until recently. I want her back.

Right after she dropped the bomb (on the phone no less) and after i kind of ribbed her for being unusually indifferent, we are no longer a couple. I didn't know about NC until I came accross this site a couple days ago.

In a nutshell, I've learned that she contacted an ex boyfriend within the past month and she said she still has feelings for him but vehemently denies that that is the reason for the breakup and even denies up and down that she has any plans on becoming romantic with him. During the ugly first 2 days, I learned the guy's name, his cellphone number and his myspace account. I was very close to calling him to have a one on one with him and let him know to back off unless she has lied to me more than I even know, in which case he can have fun with a liar like that and enjoy HPV, but I didn't do it.

We hung out on Sunday and had a decent time window shopping and eating at a restaurant in NYC. We were very cordial with each other and did a little bit of deep talking. I gave her at least 2 crystal clear opportunities to give me the 'thats it' but she didn't. She instead said it's not over, but became rigid like a school girl when I went in for a peck on the lips when we said good bye. We have had brief convos on the phone and email on a daily basis. She even sends faxes of my resume for me if asked.

She has offered on some future date that she will come to 'pick up her stuff' and hinted that she still finds me hot. This is embarrassing to say but I learned early when we first started dating that I have gotten HPV and she then contracted it. All signs say I'm the one that got it...

Should I call her asking her to fax a couple resumes today? She always asks how I am doing as in how am I coping. She also sent me an email last night stating she sent a couple faxes and she hopes i get a call but I haven't replied yet. I dont have access to a fax machine so she offered to fax resumes whenever and she has. Just before the break up, I was editing countless number of her essays to graduate schools so it's not just one-sided.

Please, any advice would be appreciated!

*moderator note: Removed post from someone else's thread to create a new one.