ailsagirl

You know what he wants - he's made it clear. But you may find yourself getting emotionally attached despite your awareness. Is he worth suffering the pain of another ended relationship? Because that's what he's destined to be, eventually.

As "the other woman" very much in the throes of grief because my lover returned to his wife, I have to wonder about the nobility of the man who returns to his wife for form's sake. My ex-love went back to his wife almost eight weeks ago. I last heard from him less than two weeks ago. He loves me, I am his soulmate, he will never get over me, but he's staying with his wife. My thought is: poor woman.

Yeah, I'm bitter.

It is not uncommon for women to have vaginal cysts, and it sounds like you might have one. Go see your doctor and s/he will take care of it very quickly.

Volution, I've suffered from depression at various times in my life. Your description of it sounds very familiar. And while I agree with the advice of others here who are telling you that making changes in your life may change your outlook, I urge you to rethink the idea of taking medication.

There are various types of antidepressants and it's not known how all of them work. However some of them do affect brain chemistry in a demonstrable way, and so it is thought that depression might be the result of a "chemical imbalance" so to speak. You are mistaken if you think that the antidepressant will give you a temporary lift, and that you are sure to come crashing down upon discontinuing the drug. It's not my place to give you medical advice, but to encourage you to take advantage of whatever help is out there. Taking medication for months or years is, after all, far less damaging in every respect (healthwise, socially, morally) than killing yourself. Not only that, but they do work for most people, once the right drug is found.

I empathize with your pain and hopelessness I've been feeling it myself lately and that's why I'm here. Please don't give up on your chance for happiness. You might be astonished at how different your familiar life looks and feels once the depression has lifted and you can see clearly. I'll be thinking of you.

Without going into great detail, I will tell you that I fell in love with an older, married man at my place of work. He had a terrible relationship with his wife; in fact, the woman was known around the office by various crude descriptions, and he came to the office every day with a new horror story of her mental/physical cruelty to him and his children. As I worked alongside him I became a moral support (I use the word "moral" loosely, sad to say) and we became close. Very close. Sigh. It's a very ugly story and I'm not proud to tell it. Anyway, the short version is this: his wife discovered that he was planning to leave her, and suddenly after a decade of misery, she decided she wanted him to stay. She entered counseling both with and without him. At first he didn't believe that she could change, but he very soon realized that she was going to make a sincere effort. That was when I, his "soulmate" and "true wife" and "love of (his) life" suddenly became disposable. And he was gone. No calls, email blocked, nada. Gone.

I'm not saying I didn't deserve this treatment. I'm not saying that at all. But I will tell you that it has been the most painful experience of my life and I ended up in the psychiatrist's office and on medication. Right now I think I will never recover. I hope I'm wrong.

Why am I telling you this? Because your situation does not involve merely yourself and your wife. There are the feelings of this other young lady to consider. No doubt you recognize this on some level, but how thoroughly have you thought it through? Because I can tell you, she really doesn't deserve to get caught up in the middle of your marital problems... I tell you this with all due compassion and respect for your position.

Thanks for reading.