Ross_K

Not joking at all! Your accent will do wonders . I wish I had one. You can get a resident/work visa for a short time' date=' or even just take a vacation here for a few weeks. Go to your local embassy. Or if all else fails, you can just come in through Mexico like everyone else.[/quote']

 

Well, I was talking about you joking about coming over to America. A lot of people have told me that American girls really like the British accent (I wonder why that is?)

 

I wouldn't really want to go over there for a vacation though, I'd really like to move over there permenently.

Ross the "I can'ts, I don't know's" and the rest of the poor excuses you have are a bit repetitive.

Tyler has given you some great advice not only on this thread but on others for you. I think we could talk till we are blue in the face and the end result would be an "I can't" from you.

 

In America we have a saying "S*** or get off the pot"

Okay, let's say I go to work, get bullied which is something I really can't handle, obviously I'd have to quit my job, possibly not be able to get back on sickness benefit with my confidence and self esteem even more shattered than it is now.

Things aren't as simple as what you think they are. This isn't just a case of me being lazy, or that I could just easily do it or whatever.

There are 'those kinds of people' no matter where you go.

 

People are never happy where they are, it's basically a fact. "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

 

Trust me, America is just as crowded, poluted, and full of rude people as the UK is. And health care costs a fortune too.

No, but it's a lot worse round here. I used to live somewhere else and it was no where near as bad.

You cant until you get a jobso dont worry about it. Listen Ross I have been over this wiht you in a few threads and now you have some other telling you the same thing: Quit wasting your time "wondering" and "iffing" on here and start doing the things you need to do to get your life in order. I am sure the States would offer you no more than you get in the UK. Again you cannot move there and even if you did through marriage the immigration system takes forever. Then you have no NHS to support you health needs and you are no better off. Jeez man get a grip.

America is more my sort of place though, and as for getting work around here I'm worried about getting bullied because a lot of the people around here are those kinds of people.

Hey' date=' you could always move to America. It's so much better over here. The girls would be all over your British accent.[/quote']

 

I know you're joking but I seriously wish I could. I don't know how though.

So this will get you where? Where is your motivation? You must either enjoy the place you are in or you have gotten used to it? Come on Ross you are not a teen anymore its time to take responsibility and quit the excuses. "this stops me from doing this" etc. Like Nike says "JUST DO IT!"

Well what do you expect me to do, go out on the street and ask strange women for phone numbers?

Ross, stop comparing yourself to others. From what I can see from your posts, you have this idea that a person is only valuable if they fit a certain mold.

Everyone says this, I know, but there really is more to life than girls.

No, that isn't true. I want a girl because I naturally genuinely want a girl. If it was to fit a certain mold I'd also be dressing like everyone else and listening to the same music as everyone else, which I don't.

I know, I was always telling people that I need to work on my anxiety first and see how the meds and therapy go, and then start getting some more independence before suddenly jumping into some club on my own and walking up to strangers trying to start conversations. But they just kept telling me I'm making excuses.

I still don't really get what you mean about seprerating things. Do you mean I should just concentrate and put all my focus into getting a job and forget about getting my own place and getting a car for now?

Thanks patch. I honestly wouldn't really know what to start off saying to them to be honest.

I'll be okay, I'll just watch some soaps, drink some beers, order a Chinese and probably be back on here later.

I know I need to get a job first (unless I pay for my lessons and car from my sickness benifit which would take absolutley ages) but what's wrong with thinking about the other things in advance? At least having a plans for my goals so they actually feel like they're possible to attain and I know what to do lifts my spirits and provides me with more motivation.

Thanks *kiss*

Ross I in no way think you have ulterior motives. I am saying in general.

Why are you so afraid to branch out and see what life has to offer? I think the first step would be to work on moving out of your mothers house. That in itself can be a heavy weight that can be lifted. When you have your own place you can make it what you want. That can boost your confidence.

I honestly don't know what I'm afraid of and what holds me back. More pain? Things going worse? Being soul crushingly disappointed or hurt? I dunno.

As far as getting my own place, I'll do it once I've settled into a job in the area I want to move to first, which will require me getting a car so I can travel to work while I'm not living in that area.

Ross please don't think like that. I know things are hard and they are not going the way you want them too. But please be strong and things will come into your life without expecting it. Is it girls getting you down?

Yeah I guess, maybe it's other things as well.

Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself, and if I was I'd try and make sure I got laid first. I know at the end of the day, there's an escort not too far from me, and as a last resort all I'd have to do is save up the money for the fee and the taxi fare to get there and back, and that's it. As simple as that hopefully. But after that I doubt I'd want to kill myself.

To me they seem like reasons. I don't want people to think I'm just attention seeking, I just made this topic to get this off my chest and to talk about it with people.

Yeah, that would be nice, but I do really appreciate the fact that I can talk to people on here, and it's good to know that as I move forward in my life, I can talk to people on here and ask for advice with any problems I may encounter. Whether that be dating, sex, getting my own place, nervous about driving for the first time, whatever. I'm really glad I've found this site.

And it'll be good being able to talk to the therapist as well.

Hey Ross,

 

I've tried similar eye contact experiments before. I found that making eye contact is easier if you start looking at them when the two of you are about 30 feet (10 meters) apart. When do you start looking at them? Do you wait too long?

 

Also, smile before your eyes meet. It shows that you're happy with yourself, and makes you look friendly and easy to approach. Don't worry about looking weird. Everyone looks weird from time to time. I know most people don't smile, but most people don't want to meet new strangers.

 

Remember, if you do what do the same things you've always done, you'll just get the same results.

I honestly don't know, maybe it is about 10 feet. I do know though, that when I done it and they made eye contact back, that I was doing it naturally without thinking, I was feeling really good that day and confident. The next time when they never made eye contact back, I was actually making myself make eye contact, it was a conscious decision each time.

Why would it never change?

 

I know its near impossible to see or believe, but YOU are in charge of how things go in your life Ross. Really, you are.

I'm not saying I'm not optomistic about the medication and /or therapy, but hypothetically speaking, what if I could never get rid of my SA or make it that much better, that'd mean I'll never be able to do anything with my life for as long as I live, and also the dating situation wouldn't change for as long as I live either. Basically I'd carry on being the way I am now for the rest of my life.

 

That sounds like depression to me. If you are looking for a way "out" of your life. You must be feeling quite down.

 

I know things haven't been easy regarding dating- but what else is going on that would lead you to feel the need to escape your life?

 

BellaDonna

Well, there's the social anxiety which has always stopped me from having any kind of a life.

I think that's changing now, since the meds seem to be working, I've been thinking of doing a lot of things. I know that should mean that I shouldn't feel this way since now there's hope, but, I dunno, I just feel confused. It feels like there's a really decent chance that things still wont end up working out for me properly.

I know you've probably heard this one before, but it's true: There's never a good enough reason to end it all that way. Suicide is just a permanent solution people use to solve the most trivial problems... Not a good deal, I think. I, personally, would much rather go down fighting (fighting back whatever it is that keeps me down).

What if your life is full of emotional pain and you know it'll never change?

No doubt there are emergency lines and immediate services for people in dire urgent need.

 

If not your mom then as someone to talk to , do you have any other close family or friends that you can bounce your feelings off of ?

Not at all.

WOW.

 

Don't they have any hotlines, emergency clinics etc.??

 

I mean what do they do for the person they talk off the ledge? Make him wait for a month before he gets help?!?

I dunno, I'm sure there'd be some sort of immediate help for someone who is really suicidal.

Ross, in other threads you have mentioned your mother. Are you close with her? Maybe you can talk to her about this while you are waiting to see the therapist.

 

You're her son and I'm sure she cares about you and would want to know if you felt this depressed.

 

 

BellaDonna

I'm not actually feeling really depressed at the moment, or maybe I am without realising it. Anyway, me and my mum don't have any kind of a relationship whatsoever, I can't talk to her about anything, she doesn't really seem to understand anything I tell her.

Nothing's particulary getting me down today, I suppose I feel okay. It'd just be nice for me to know there is an easy way out for when I need it.

There have been times where I've really wanted to kill myself.

As for the therapist, I'm on the list, it could take anything from a few months to a year before I see him.

The only way I can think of doing it would be to use a gun, but I don't know how difficult it would be to get hold of one in the UK. I wish I lived in America.

Other than that, every other way I can think of is either painfull, slow, or there's a decent chance of it going wrong and you'll be * * * *ed up for the rest of your life.

Lol, well that's something I obviously wouldn't mind.

It's weird how when writing this topic I seemd to totally forget that a few months before this when I was in town I was getting quite a bit of eye contact from women. No smiles though.

So, anyone going to try this test or what?

It's because she say's there's nothing she doesn't know about self help and there's nothing more she can gain from ENA.

I can't really understand how it could bother someone to be hit on all the time (I'd love it, if only it'd happen to me just once), but I guess, if they just seem like creeps, then I can understand why it'd bother you.