Hello.. this is my first time posting a message but I feel so alone in my situation that I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and for the past couple of months the relationship has become sour. I do seriously love this man but there are things I just am not comfortable with and don't think I will ever be. Before I begin (and I will try to keep this short) a little history. Before him I was in a terrible 4 year relationship that I always say he saved me from. I have a child from this relationship and am happy to say, that he has embraced him as if he was his own and actually does a better job all around than my sons father ever did. Second, he is very responsible and does alot of things that were lacking in my past relationships. Heres where the bad begins. In certain ways I don't feel he is any different from any other. We constantly argue over minor things (and its always me who starts it) because I have been feeling like he is not taking anything I tell him seriously, or he has an issue with remembering things. He has lied to me on about 4 different occasions which really hurt my trust and lead to me being very jealous about what type of attention he might be showing to other females. This is only because when the relationship started, he knew (from hours, days, and weeks of convos) what really bothered me and assured me that I could open my heart to him and he would never hurt me. Well, that obviously did not happen. I cry almost on a daily basis because I want to be with him for the rest of my life, I want to go thru with plans we have for life, he is so good with my son, and I love him. But as each day goes by I feel we are not right for each other and that he doesn't really care because of the multiple talks we had were I poured out my soul to him and days later it was like he was absent during that session. I don't think there is enough space for me to fully explain the things that have happened, but the most recent issue is this. I have never been fond of porn because it makes me feel that I am not enough for him. He has tried to assure me that thats not the case and says he wont do it again, but again I see it on my cable bill or on the tv in the middle of the night with him asleep on the couch. About a week ago he left his internet account up and I noticed an email confirming his registration with an adult friend finder site. I asked him if he is in need someone new or different but he says all he wants is me (typical male line). So I tried to open my mind and went to a sex shop and bought several toys and dvds (3 dvds one with black women, one with hispanic and one white) to share with each other and we ended up having a good weekend. Last night I thougt the night would be good. I gave him oral and he ejaculated and told me he would wake me up in a couple of hours (after he recouperated) to give me the same. A couple hours later I woke up and turned in the bed. He immediately came into the room and we did the deed. He came again and so did I ... I noticed when I went into the living room the dvd player was running and checked and it was one of the dvds.. I was ok with it because he did come to me like he promised and said he used it only to get ready for me. We tried to get yet another round in but it would have been useless for him and i as we were both supposedly tired. I awoke a couple hours later to use the bathroom and he was on the couched acting like he was sleep. I looked at the dvd player and it was on again and thats when I lost it. Am I lacking something??? is what I asked.. To let you guys know.. I am puerto rican and he is black. The one he was watching was the black. I feel now that I am not what he needs in his life even though I treat him well and give him so much love. What do I do????