Hey,
I came accross this thread the other day when I was thinking similarily. I like to go for coffee and write everything that comes to mind, it came to me that what others think of me is hugely important to me too (anxiety always comes up). I think it has to do with seeing others as holding the key to my happiness / success in the world, so I seem to equate rejection / ridicule to extreme lack of security or something.. The anxiety I experience seems like.. I either have to play along with what others expect (self-betrayal) or face ridicule/rejection (self-betrayal by throwing self to wolves). But, there are people who seem to handle this. So what's the best way? Only surrounding yourself with like-minded people? Facing the crowd that's ready to reject you? Realizing that the crowd is comprised of a mixture of people that agree with you and disagree with you? Realizing that we're all really ok and have a right to the space we occupy? It seems like there must be a normal authentic way to solve this problem..
I've lately been reading Nathaniel Branden (I've read Psychology of Self Esteem, Honoring the Self and The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem) and it has been extremely helpful. He started the Self-Esteem movement, but real, authentic self-esteem as a basic need, not the bs. Stuart Smalley definition (ie, repeatedly telling yourself you're good enough - your worth should never be a question in the first place). Here's a link (for his definition):
link removed
I also came accross the book "Nasty People" which talks about how some people thrive by unjustly invalidating others..
All of these have been majorly helpful, and I think what you're discussing might likely be strongly related to self-esteem. Excerpt: "Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness" I came accross this after trying to find purpose and happiness in a seeming existential world (and was referred to it in a book on atheism).
I find that this is absolutely great stuff, it has me excited again, and I hope it helps. It doesn't directly address the anxiety related to concern for what others think, but it's very close and a good start. I'm on the lookout for info specific to what you're looking for too. Branden would probably say to try to stay aware of the anxiety when it occurs, accept that it exists, then he would offer questions that you answer with sentence stems to try to expose what the underlying assumptions are that trigger this concept. However, I haven't seen a stem of his directly related to this.
I've analyzed this issue a lot, and I'm still struggling to determine how exactly to change my view of society so that I stop caring what others think. Maybe it would be useful to interview people who don't have this problem once we understand more about what are underlying concerns are about rejection / ridicule or whatever..
Today, at the coffee shop my topic was what make a fully-realized adult male / man, and is an authenticly confident grown-man plausible. I'm 31 but realized today as I walk around the public that I feel like a boy rather than a man. So I tried to define what my perception of grown man is, how I fit that mold, and whether it's an authentically valid mold, and if not, what an authentic fully-realized confident grown man might be..
Sorry so sloppy and rambling! =)
-Greg
