JamesKeane

Hi all, After not noticing her at work, we hit it off at the work xmas party. I know what you are thinking, but its a small company and I we weren't off our faces drunk. Been e-mailing A LOT , at least every other day, with pics and the like (she has been on holiday in gran canaria) anyways, now she is back and there has been talk about meeting up, so in my last e-mail i gave her my number and said call me before your tan fades (she suggested meeting before it did) I don't have her number or I would have called. Have I done the right thing!? I know its the new age and all that, but there are still plenty of girls that want the whole guy going after them scenario right? I hope I haven't blown my chances. Any thoughts? James

ShySoul and Poco, all I am seeing is that there is seemingly no-one to trust for reliable and honest advice. SkySoul, you are tearing this guy's advice apart, are you trying to protect my honest and yes, negative thoughts, from being vindicated by this guy? Maybe I need that tough advice to give me a kick up the butt, I am starting to think I need something more concrete than 'be the nice guy' I still want to be the nice guy, and thats who I am, but maybe I DO need something to help me with the first step. I know he was talking about re-programming and I call BS on that, but not everything can be crap.

an amazing amount of advice from very little. To expand your horizons a little more, 'picking up girls' scares the hell out of me. If i meet women i try to become their friend because as much as i would like to take things further i just think, why on earth would they want to go any further with me?! There was a girl i was infactuated with once, we became good friends, and i thought we were getting close, but looking back on it now, i did most of the talking, gave up friendships for her, it was definitely a one way thing, but she went to uni just when i thought she was very interested and got shacked up with a bloke after being there for only a week. I found out, took it very badly and broke off any relations with her, taking it very personally. After that I was very happy that i didn't 'try anything' as i would have probably felt worse, but since then when there seems like there may be a chance that I could get close to someone, I just assume it will happen all over again. My self esteem is below bottom. There was another time when a girl came onto me strong. she was the only just ex of a good friend of mine, and it in hind sight, pretty sure she was trying it on with me to get back at her ex. So being used is another assumtion i make when things start happening. Aside from all that I was bullied at school, I am aware of the affect this has had on me, but it doesn't stop me believing what those people said to me everyday. All in all i have no self belief, so i haven't done those things that it seems the majority of people in their late teens like going out every night and getting off with random birds. consequently my social skills are next to none, and that viscous circle that needs to be broken by going out and meeting people seems like it will never be broken. I swore to myself that I would never write / say this kind of stuff because i think its self indulgent and pointless, and would make me even less attractive. as soon as i told someone what had happened in my past i reckon they would run a mile. Being so inexperienced also makes me think that people would not be interested in me. True I am the nice guy, and women say that nice guys can get girls, but i just dont see it happening except in movies. My close friends that I do hang out with have boyfriends / girlsfriends that they have had for years so i get no exposure of others chatting up girls / guys so i am lost when i try to think of how i would approach such situations myself. I keep telling myself that there will be a girl interested in me one day, and she will do the work, and that will be great but i also think that if she told me she was, i would laugh and say you must be kidding?! your interested in me!? but surely you can do better. So here i am on another saturday night in alone. sorry people. It gets worse when i can't think of anyone that hasn't had a relationship of some kind. I feel pathetic for writing this. and if you may want to reply and tell me to shut up and get a life, please dont. i've heard enough of it already. again sorry. whats even more tragic is that my mum has asked me if i'm gay. she says, james you are miserable. When ever she brings up the whole girlfriend issue like, do you want a girlfriend? i say yes, if it happens it happens, i'm not really looking. You may gather that i'm a very secretive person, which doesn't help. Me and expression dont really go together, of if i do maybe by drawing or something, i hide it from everyone, thinking again that its self indulgent. I'm very interested in computers, yes i know thats awful too. i obviously assume the obvious that girls aren't interested in guys that are geeks. If at work i need to work with a woman, then i always try to focus on the work. I suppose i have put up some unbreakable barrier to stop myself getting hurt because i just assume i will. ok that enough of this bull. sorry for boring everyone. I half hope this reply doesn't get read.

yes people, no kissing, no nothing. Cut the crap, i know its abnormal, but just how abnormal? anyone else like this? thanks, james.