crazyjoe

We're gloing this friday and coming back on saturday.

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Thank you, miss m, those were really great posts. I understood exactly what you were saying the whole time, and found myself thinking "wow, this person really knows me pretty well from just seeing a few posts on the internet." And for sib: She has done drugs in the past. Now she does about as much as an average teenager does... But don't worry, I'm not asking her to do anything, and if she does want to, I'm gonna advise against it. Me and my friends had a converation, including her, that because of the history of mental illness in her family, and the problems she has, that it would be a really really bad idea for her to do shrooms or salvia. (hell, it's probly a bad idea for me aswell. sometimes you learn things about youself you'd rather not know. first time salvia users kill themselves sometimes) So i'm not even letting her do those things... and if that bothers her I won't do any myself either... And pot doesn't appeal to her. I don't think she's going to want to do anything. My plan is to spend some time with her while my friends are doing drugs. If I don't do any, she's gonna feel bad for stealing me from my friends... Dont worry, I'm not a horrible person. Her life has been crappy, mostly. She had a drug thing and got past it... and I'd much rather be a positive than a negative.

Oh, and she's been feeling like crap lately due to other aspects of her home life. I feel bad... It's like everything in her life is out to stress her out, and I'm only making it worse. I am pretty much no good at making other people feel better, but I really need to. Part of our group of friends (5 of us) is heading out of town for the weekend, and she's coming too. It's mostly just a "lets get messed up and have fun" thing, which is a bummer for her b/c she's gonna be the only one thats not on something all weekend. I really want her to have fun because her home life is being crappy and she needs and deserves it. How can I make the weekend fun and relaxing for her instead of stressfull and boring. (Hey, this question is almost normal! Someone should be able to help me out here...)

It doesn't interfere, usually. Except I don't talk to her, like - hardly at all. Way less than normal people do. I aplogize for not talking, and I guess she understands that I'm messed up. It's amazing that she even puts up with me at all. It's not that I get nervous or anything. And it's not even that I really hate myself. It's more like I feel that I am not what the world wants me to be. I feel like I am nothing close to it. Because of this, I can't comprehend the fact that there are possibly people out there that don't hate me. I feel that I am not what I am expected to be. So pretty much whenever I'm in a situation where someone expects normal social interaction from me, I basically shut down. I'm kinda afraid that talking will make my weirdness more apparent. If it's someone I care about, I can't help but constantly apologize for my lack of normality. If it's someone I don't really care about, I am careful to ensure that our interaction is as short as possible. I am very happy with who I am. Actually, going through my feelings 1 by 1 reveals that I am the only person I agree with 100%. Because I agree with myself 100%, I have a very high, almost conceited view of myself. This view is offset by another view, the view that I am a bad person because I fail at normality. When I am stoned and the people around me are also stoned, I feel that I have a common bond that I don't usually have. I think perhaps I use drugs because I want to be in a situation where I feel the same as other people, and can really talk about it. Otherwise, what I am feeling is totally different from what other people are feeling. While this doesn't bother me at all for most social situations, I still have a sense of humor and stuff, but in a dating situation it does bother me that I don't feel exactly the same way about everything as the boy from the sitcom does. So basically I am conflicted, and generally just feel a lack of interest. "Hmm, I suck, Oh well. I think I'll just relax for a bit." So basically, I am saying that there are things about me that I want to change, but I have no idea how to do it.

Her life has been alot more messed up than mine. Her b/f cut himself while they were dating, and made her feel like crap. They weren't really going that strong when we met. I'm not trying to make excuses for her, though. That whole b/f thing was pretty bad... we both got really unhappy in the days follwing our meeting, mostly because of the b/f situation. I went back and forth about a million times between being really glad I met her, and regretting everything... She really felt bad, and I couldn't really cheer her up at all. I know she is a good person on the inside, and she has never cheated on a b/f before... I don't really think I really have the right to hold that against her... but I still think I would trust her a bit more if that whole b/f thing didn't happen. If I was concerned with being normal, I would seek treatment. But my current state of mind has worked very well for me, I am very happy and have lots of friends... The main reason I came here is I have no clue how a relationship between this girl and I should go. If we were both normal, I could follow that whole lifetime movie script thing - it works great for some of my friends and they are in love and very happy. I just wonder if anyone has ever been in a good relationship that didn't follow the normal path, because so far this one hasn't really followed the script...

I was told I have a moderate case of schizoid personality disorder. The school counselor also said I had Attention Defecit Disorder. No-one has ever said anything I had was dangerous or anything. Actually, my counselor said the negative effects of schizoid personality disorder were made milder by an overly obsessive interest in rationalization. She still wanted to get me professional counseling, though. But it's pretty much her job to say that to anyone with even minor abnormalaties. But I would much prefer to talk about the whole relationship thing, as opposed to my personal oddities...

I do, indeed love my life. The reason I have not seen any thrapist, is mainly my father. When I was young the counselors were concerned, but he put it off as new wave liberal thinking. It was suggested that I had ADD, but by dad said that was just a way for parents to give their kids a pill and feel good about themselves. My dad figured it was just boredem with school b/c I had a 145 adult IQ in 7th grade. After highschool, there's really no personality patrol anymore... My friends always comment on how abnormal I am, but I don't really find any of my anbormalaties harmful. They don't either. I think if there was a genuince conern in my friends, I would try and resolve any issues.

This has to be long. If i'm not specific, people will just assume what they would normally assume. This would undoubtedly be incorrect, so i had to be specific. please forgive the length. If you don't want to read it, i wont be offended. Alright, heres the deal. This is a month-long story, so I am going to be breif and blunt. You may notice that I am a piece of trash, but that's ok. If you want to judge me, please do. I am a piece of trash. My name's Joe (my parents must've hated me lol) and i'm 19, and a sophomore in college. I'm stoned, and im hanging out with a friend of mine. She introduces me to one of her friends, named erin, who's 16, and a junior in HS. This girl is hot as hell, and slightly intoxicated (not drunk, though). We end up flirting alot, though we dont talk much. we're just basically all over each other. (which is weird as hell, i never was interested in girls at all before - but this girl's appearance combines my usual creepy fetishes with the fact that she is hot as hell in the eyes of normal people too) well we end up underneath a sleeping bag on my friends bedroom floor with no shirts on. Then she tells me she has a b/f. I'm like "crap" but i dont really do anything. The next morning was weird as hell, i felt weird talking to her. But she gave me her number before she left. so we're been togeather for a month and haven't really gotten anywhere. we're basically as far as we were after 3 hours of knowing each other. i mean, we make an effort to hang out, and we're all over each other alot, but i dunno... we're officially 'dating' as of 2 days ago. nothing has actually changed in those 2 days. it feels weird. i suppose it would to someone who's never even had a relationship of any kind before... I get the feeling she doen't really care about me at all, but likes me enough that im worth wasting time with. but then i think about it, and maybe she does care. i mean, i am a messed up person (i basically have every personality disorder there is, as long as it's a negative one that no goth-eletist-emo-badasswannabee would want. my friend says i have no interest in anything remotely socially normal) but she still spends time with me. I told her on the first day we met that i am messed up and not worth wasting time with. (she tells me she is messed up herself. she does have a few documented disorders) I said it alot in the follwing week or so. I pretty much forced myself to stop, because she didnt like to hear it. oh, and some sidenotes. -she's in my circle of friends, but not completely, because she doesn't do drugs alot. -all my friends and myself do drugs, but i've been doing less lately because i'm with her more. -my friends were shocked and kinda annoyed when i said "Im with erin now, you guys can smoke without me, if i get there in time, i get there in time." -erins feelings on the whole drung thing is she feels bad for interfering with my doing drugs. i told her i like her more than drugs (i do) oh, and i don't have a normal relationship with one single person, male or female, in the entire world. I mean, i have tons of friends, but things are never what you would call normal at all. (erin makes me tell her stories. she wont kiss me if anyone is watching, but she will lay naked on the floor under a sleeping bag with me, even with 5 other people in the room. we only talk on the phone for the purpose of arranging meeting in person. this is mostly because i hate phones) (my best friend is a gay guy who gets me high and reads me stories. he lies to me about everything and i forgive him. i use him. we're very good friends and totally cool about it. we often comment of how we are horrible people. he calls me every day and gets angry if we go 2 days without seeing each other. he tells me im hot, but he's not attracted to me. and he's actually not, which is good.) (my other guy friend is cool. he shares drugs with me and tells me im not dieing while im tripping. he secretly hates it when i talk. we're very close) (and then theres this girl who i hang around with. i make her drive me around so me and erin can be all over each other in her back seat. she's probly one of my closest friends, but i never call her, and she never calls me.) i think im gonna stop now, you get it... basically, everything is weird in my life. and there's no guidebook called "relationships for people with personality disorders" so im kinda lost here... you can tell me to kill myself, to quit doing drugs, to see a shrink, stop worring, have a lobotamy, do more drugs and just let it flow... whatever you want to say im willing to listen. if there is 1 good quality about me, it's that i'm open minded...

Yea, so i got a chance to see her yesterday... i didn't call her b/c i didnt want to make myself into a person that gets in the way... but she pulled me off into the bathroom so we could talk and she told me about how things are for her... her b/f was all controlling and stuff and she never got to hang out with her friends. so that night when she was out with me (and her friends) he like cut himself and stuff...(and he didn't even know what happened) And she says he does stupid stuff like that alot and their relationship should've ended months ago... I told her that i still liked her, and she said she liked me. and then she added "I'm not a whore, I'm really not." And he's not a bad guy. Just thought I should add that in. so the're gonna be breaking up, if they haven't already... Seriously, am I crazy for still liking this girl? EDIT: since you asked... i just turned 19 mark is almost 18 sierra is 17 erin is 16 jen is 15 but before anyone asks, erin is way more mature than me, she works like 3 jobs and still has school and stuff... where i have no job and go to a community college

Me and my friend mark meet these two girls, erin and jen, who are friends of sierra, a girl we've been friends with for a long time. I'm instantly into erin, she seems to like me, marks instantly into jen, and she's instantly into him. So yea, thats very cool. Especially because I've never been into anyone thats even remotely interested in me, i'm picky or something(and it's not like a she has to be a 10/10 on the hotness scale, i'm just into a certain type of people) so i've never even kissed a girl or held hands or anything, even though i get my fair share of attention... Anyways, we get back to marks house into his room because that way him mom wont know there are 3 girls over (sierra's still there), and i dont know how this happens... but somehow erin and i end up on the floor beaneath a sleeping bag with no shirts on making out, while mark and jen are pretty much doing everything except sex on the bed about 2 feet away from us. Well, anyways, when jen realizes this (as she flops topless over the edge of the bed to ask erin how things are going) she exclaims "erin!" in a kinda shocked way. Which makes sense, because a few minutes later erin tells me that she has a boyfriend, and asks me if im mad at her. I say i'm not, and we just kinda cuddle for the rest of the night, but it wasn't at all like she stopped being into me... From what i heard from a friend, things were kinda dieing out with her and her b/f anways, but she didn't say anything about breaking up with him, and i didn't either. Anyways, she gives me her phone number, and i have no idea what to say when i call her. I dont know how many guys she's been with or anything like that, but I do know she's not a huge whore or anything (me and mark both had to ask about this, because... i dunno how to say it, but it makes sense to me), and things like this haven't happened before in the time sierras known her. And sierras a good frind of mine so i completely trust her on that... but still... gah...