Thank you so much for that reply. I feel somewhat ashamed of myself for having to ask for advice. But I know that I need help and I just don't know where else to turn. I don't care that people are younger than I am because sometimes I feel like a little kid when my wife and I are arguing.
I do feel for you, having to deal with someone like me. I can see how much I am hurting my wife. I wish there was a magic switch I can turn on and make her happy. I can see the problem when I'm not part of it. I kind of get headlight frozen when it comes to arguments. You should ask your boyfriend to read some of my messages if he wants to see where it leads. Nothing good can come of this, I realize. My wife and I have these really heated arguments because of what I do. Like you, this is really our only argument, but it is a big one.
Part of the problem is that I create these vicious cycles in my head. For example, I am afraid she'll get mad at me. But she's mad at me because of what I am doing. I'm also afraid of saying the wrong thing. Then I think that it is easier to not say anything at all and that makes her mad.
I think your boyfriend needs to see that it isn't just a personality thing. I know there are lots of guys out there who are capable of communicating well. You and your boyfriend don't have to accept that. Sometimes I wish that I had figured this out earlier. I feel that we could have avoided a lot of the problems earlier.
I think my problem is that I sometimes don't have my wife's perspective in my head. It certainly helps me to hear from women who've gone through this and I can see what my wife and others are thinking when they are going through this. It helps me to realize that I'm not the only person who is hurting my mate because of what I'm doing and how much as well.
I don't want her to feel unfulfilled. I just don't know how to get there.