th123456

Thanks for the tip. I'll look for a copy of that book. I've tried counselling for a while, but it didn't really help me with talking to my wife. I certainly could take to the counselor fairly easily though.

Thank you so much for that reply. I feel somewhat ashamed of myself for having to ask for advice. But I know that I need help and I just don't know where else to turn. I don't care that people are younger than I am because sometimes I feel like a little kid when my wife and I are arguing. I do feel for you, having to deal with someone like me. I can see how much I am hurting my wife. I wish there was a magic switch I can turn on and make her happy. I can see the problem when I'm not part of it. I kind of get headlight frozen when it comes to arguments. You should ask your boyfriend to read some of my messages if he wants to see where it leads. Nothing good can come of this, I realize. My wife and I have these really heated arguments because of what I do. Like you, this is really our only argument, but it is a big one. Part of the problem is that I create these vicious cycles in my head. For example, I am afraid she'll get mad at me. But she's mad at me because of what I am doing. I'm also afraid of saying the wrong thing. Then I think that it is easier to not say anything at all and that makes her mad. I think your boyfriend needs to see that it isn't just a personality thing. I know there are lots of guys out there who are capable of communicating well. You and your boyfriend don't have to accept that. Sometimes I wish that I had figured this out earlier. I feel that we could have avoided a lot of the problems earlier. I think my problem is that I sometimes don't have my wife's perspective in my head. It certainly helps me to hear from women who've gone through this and I can see what my wife and others are thinking when they are going through this. It helps me to realize that I'm not the only person who is hurting my mate because of what I'm doing and how much as well. I don't want her to feel unfulfilled. I just don't know how to get there.

I'm sorry about bringing up past memories. I feel like I'm at a crossroad and am looking for advice. Unlike your ex, I am going to make myself better so that my wife and I can move on from this. I am trying to learn as much as I can, and as quickly as I can so that this doesn't happen anymore.

Wow, I can see how that could be frustrating. I know I can get that way sometimes (okay, maybe most of the time). Part of the problem is that I'm trying to figure out what to say or do and I guess I'm afraid that I might add more gasoline to the fire. It doesn't mean that I don't care for her or that I don't love her. I sometimes feel like I don't know how I can help her. I know that a lot of books out there say that men are always trying to solve the problems and women want to be heard. But if my wife is upset, I want to help her, I just don't know how and then that leads to my silence.

Thanks for the reply. Maybe you can help. I do have a hard time understanding my emotions and can't really express them well with the spoken word. I can't seem to think clearly (logically) when I'm in the argument. But even before then, I seem to have a block on understanding her needs. I know she wants me to communciate. But this last argument we had was because I wasn't attentive to her needs. Regardless of my reasons for the inattentiveness, I seem to have a block on reaching out to her at those moments. What was it you were looking for that your ex wasn't able to do? Perhaps I can try to learn from that.

My spouse says that I don't communicate with her. I often get into a state where I feel like I can't talk with her whenever we argue. There are times when she says she's asking something of me and I can't see it. I want to learn how to be a better communicator so that I don't lose her. Can someone please provide some guidance? I've tried books and counseling, but it doesn't seem to help. I feel like I just don't get it.