Okay this is my first ever post so I have no clue if I'm going to get ripped a new one b/c I'm not proud of my actions but here we are. Just looking for some objective outside perspective please.
Anyways, I'm in my mid 40's and have been married over 11 years but been with my wife 8 years prior for a total of 19 years. The marriage overall was good until recently. We rarely fight, come from similar backgrounds, good jobs etc. We have everything on paper. The nice house, one beautiful daughter etc.
Once we had our daughter who's almost five, things got distant. It happened gradually but the sex diminished. My wife never had a strong sex drive to begin with prior to our kid being born. In addition, she's a bit closed off emotionally as well.
Fast forward to the present and I ended up having an emotional affair with a woman in her late 30's for only about 5 weeks or so but this was not a normal affair. She often wrestled with the guilt knowing I had a wife and daughter at home. So multiple times she would end it only to come back and restart the emotional affair. We were addicted to one another.
We finally decided to have one date to see if something could be of more. We had physical intimacy like no other (kissing, some heavy petting etc) but no sex. I truly felt like even prior to this, that I was in love with her.
A week later, upon scheduling another date, she broke up with me for good. It was too much for her. She said she loved me but it was too much. The kicker is that I told her I will divorce her, which I totally mean but she says she simply can't be apart of this and that I need to divorce on my terms and not for her b/c she doesn't want to be blamed if it doesn't work out (being labeled a home wrecker).
She's completely right and I obviously made a huge mistake doing this in the first place. I'm not excusing my behavior but it happened. I think my marriage is over and need to file for divorce soon regardless if this girl is in the picture or not.
Not sure if anyone has dealt with something similar but any insight would be great. Yes I'm scared to death to end it. Our marriage is 100% tolerable and she's a great gal but I simply can't connect with her on a deep emotional level and this was even before I met this girl.
Do I just stay in the marriage? We have everything we need. Or do I take the biggest risk of my life, divorce not even knowing this girl will even want me and end up all alone after affecting so many people's lives due to my selfishness? Thanks.