sleepingvein

My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and the relationship is great and healthy. His relationship with his ex was toxic and intense. She was his first love and he said it was obsessive and he went kind of crazy and they hurt each other emotionally. He was very wounded after it ended but he’s says meeting me was the best thing that happened to him, he loves being with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I’m so happy that I can love and care for him in a healthy way, but he also says this love is not as intense even though he loves me loads and it’s healthier. Sometimes he still gets sad thinking about her. She even tried to get back in touch and get back with him, but he blocked her and told me he would never do that which was reassuring. I just can’t shake this jealousy. He told me there will always be a small part of him that’s sad about that relationship, so how can I accept this and move on from it, and not feel jealous?

4 months ago my boyfriend and I had the biggest fight we've ever had. I didn't wrong him per say, I would never intentionally do that, but something happened which changed the perception he had of me. I accidently triggered him in a big way and he told me i'm not who he thought I was. He said I was sick and disgusting among other things but that he was so hurt because he loves me. I was so upset and I realised he was right about me having been wrong and I apologised from the bottom of my heart. Thankfully, we ended up making up and I think now he knows that I meant no harm and I'm not a bad person, I was just wrong about this. I also tried not to identify with the words he said to me when he was upset. Things have been going well since and I think we both kind of forgot about it for a while. But yesterday he saw something that reminded him of it and mentioned it to the other person we were with (In front of me). He wasn't upset or aggressive or anything, just making casual conversation which the other person brushed off. It suddenly reminded me of the fight and the guilt came flooding back. Things are still normal and nice between us, but I have an urge to bring it up and tell him how sorry I am, in case he doesn't think I am or doesn't think I've changed, which I definitely have. In a way I'm glad the fight happened as I was made aware of problems I needed to address and managed to fix them. I want to make sure he knows this and to be honest if I know for sure I have his forgiveness it would give me a lot of closure. But is bringing it up again a good idea? I don't want to trigger him again or remind him. Maybe I should just drop it? What do you guys think?

I would say his actions are quite understandable, especially considering his loss. A lot of people find it hard to open up and tell people what's bothering them, but it does come out in other, not so nice ways such as his stonewalling you. In future if this does happen again I would suggest really trying to sit down and ask him what's bothering him and show compassion. It's good that he's 'back to normal' in terms of how he's treating you now, it sounds like he managed to get a lot off his chest. Try not to resent him, as I'm sure he simply had a lot on his mind rather than intentionally being neglectful.

You need to sit down with her and have a proper conversation about the relationship. Tell her you love her and want to make it work and ask her if she still wants the marriage. Be honest about how you feel. Your kid might be confused about the situation and it can't be good for them as well as both of you. Hopefully you can work on ways to stop arguing as much and mend the relationship together. I wish you luck.