Juhnjo

Update 2: Hi guys! It's been a while. This update won't really be an update but rather a vent I guess. I don't want to make another post about virtually the same problem so I'll just say it here Whenever she proposed the break, It threw me off, since we had just discussed a problem she brought to the table and I had no time to fix it. We had a talk and the things she said in that talk are still rather bothering me a week later. She told me that, "Of course she tested me." And said that there was no, "Slow Pace" for her in a relationship. Rather, she wanted to do things with me immediately and not wait for me to gain that comfort level. Although in my head, I know those things are not right. It still bothers and me and I feel as if I've done something wrong. Can relationships be slow or was I just pushing my selfishness onto her?? I thought I knew this person but hearing her saw those things really upset me to the point where I'm not even sure if I'd like to maintain my friendship with her in the long run. I simply asked her for some time and she couldn't even give me that. I really did love her and this all hurts alot. Thanks for all the advice again and allowing me to vent. That's all

Update: She has decided she would like a break from the relationship. So I guess this means we are breaking up. Thank you all so much for your replies and advice I'll careful them considerably

She is open about it. I perceived we were taking things slowly but I guess she did not take it the same way. It is definitely lack of communication in that department

It's not necessarily a pattern. If I'm being honest this is my only my second LDR relationship. After my first I truly did not want to do it again but I really think the two of us can do this. We are only 5 hours apart, and yes there has been equal parts visiting. Thank you for your comment

To get some things out of the way first • I am an low maintenance autistic who is very bad at social cues, my girlfriend is aware of this. • I recently had a death in my family, and I was very close with this family member so I'm grief-stricken right now as well, basically I'm not at my best right now, emotionally. • While this isn't my first relationship (Neither is it my first long distance relationship) It is my first relationship where I am trying to be intimate with someone. Such as holding hands, cuddling, ect. • My GF has some sexual related trauma so I'm very careful on not crossing her boundaries are I still am new to these things and don't want to do anything wrong • My GF also recently has gotten away from her extremely toxic family and her abuser Me and My Girlfriend have started dating fairly recently. We we're online best friends for nearly 6 years now and now we are moving into this new relationship. We also recently had our first meetup a few months ago and while I, of course expected it to be a wee awkward since it'd be the first time we are spending time together in person, I had a very good time with her myself. This weekend after our 2nd meet up, (I went to her city) She revealed to me that everything just felt off and our second meet up was her chance to "gauge" how everything was between us. She then said she did not think I was ever excited to see her, or that she didn't think I initiated enough with her, and how I seem like "a different person" She then mentioned how she felt like this on our first meet up, which threw me off and I questioned her as to why she hadn't mentioned it then so we could have resolved whatever this was. Since it's been months that means she's been sitting on it and I do not like that sort of thing. We've always been direct as friends as well which is why it threw me off her not speaking up immediately. She then said it was because she was so used to her family telling her she was making things up in her head whenever she brought something up and she thought she was just imagining things so she waited until now to say something after she had made sure. I understood where she was coming from but was still upset she let it fester this long to say something. She then mentioned that I am often on the phone when I am with her. (As in phone calls) I told her that if my family members call me, I am going to answer. Especially because of the recent loss we have experienced. I didn't think it would be a problem to talk with my family while I was with her (as these are the only people calling me or that I talked to during our time together) She also mentioned during the first time we met and our 2nd meet up. How she was raring to hug me and it just seemed like I did not want to hug her. This is a fault of mine, I am not a hugging person, and both times I was trying to get her bags in the vehicle first, and mine out the second time. Even though I'm not a running to hug person I DID hug her after the bags were in/out of the vehicle. I told her that I AM excited to see her and that I'm sorry my first priority isn't to hug her when getting out of a vehicle. Once again. A fault of mine, I was raised to get your bags first and do the rest after you've settled that. I also told her that about the initiative thing, I do hold her hand, I do kiss her on the cheek and forehear and when we go to sleep together I asked her to intertwine her legs with mine. As I'm not sure cuddling is okay yet, especially since the first time I tried to do it she threw me off saying it was hot (She gets hot very easily) She on the other hand does not try to hold my hand or do any other thing besides hug me and this is fine. I have no problem with this as I assumed we were taking things slowly. I informed her that I didn't think things were going to be "instant" or "immediate" and I didn't sense that awkwardness she said she felt especially at our 2nd meeting because I am comfortable around her and I wasn't rushing things because frankly, she's the person I want to be with, I didn't think there was a need to rush things as I am not going anywhere anytime soon and I didn't think she had any plans too either. I told her I'd do better at the intimacy thing but she'd have to give me time because once again this is my first time doing all of this with anyone. What I am frustrated at is that I think she had these expectations of me anf then disappointed herself when I did not meet said expectations. I had a very good time both times we saw each other and I am always so happy and excited to see her even when it doesn't show on my face. (I always countdown the weeks and days before we see each other, once again. She knows this) which is why I'm thinking she just had this version of me in her head I did not live up to. It's frustrating because I feel as if it's my fault she didn't have a good time with me but how was I supposed to know if she did not communicate to me in the moment and did it so last minute after we were no longer together in person. Please tell me what I should to be a better partner to her like this, I'm still unsure how do this relationship thing.