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I'm dating this guy, let's call him "C", for two months. I have some previous posts about him if anyone is interested. If you don't have time to read those, here is a brief background. We met on a paid dating website a few months ago. I'm 36 and he's 30 and we both rent and live alone. C used to work as a contractor at a few different schools as an IT tech for eight years but six months ago he got a job with a computer company assembling computers. He actually only moved out of home for the first time in his life six months ago as well. I left home when I was 23. We spoke online here and there and then video called and after that talked every day for a week and a bit. Basically all our relationship has either been in a very strict COVID lockdown where you're not allowed to leave the house except for food and medical, or just with a lot of COVID restrictions. I realise we haven't been dating long but I actually began to like C a lot right from the start and I know I've fallen in love with him. I have often felt bad anxiety at the start of relationships in the past but this time it's been much worse. I'm not sure if it's because of the trauma from my previous ex where I was engaged to him and planned the wedding, but he had bad mental health, anger and drug issues and he ruined everything. Also since COVID started I suffered quite badly mentally. I'm not trying to complain because I know it's been horrific for everyone. In my case, I'm a super social and outgoing person but because I live alone and my job was cancelled for six months, we had a six month very hard lockdown where you don't go out and I was alone 24/7. This was last year and as I live alone and no pets, it was just me. I spoke to my friends and family online and on video calls but the situation affected me horribly. I began to feel depressed and anxious, have insomnia and my drinking escalated. I do see a therapist and have continued my therapy with her but only in video calls the last 1.5 years. I felt anxious about dating C basically from the start but now the anxiety got worse. I want to mention also that is a really nice guy but he's not outgoing and he never really went out. His main hobby is video games and especially online gaming with his online friends. I think it was due to the fact he never really went out and was shy that he'd never dated anyone before me and he was a virgin at 30. I was a bit nervous about that aspect at first but it turned out to be no problem, especially not sexually. Everything has been fine there lol Anyway due to the lockdown and nothing else going on I've basically been at C's place all the time. He really wants me to be here all the time. Maybe normally I wouldn't be because I would be working more and seeing my friends and family. I haven't really been able to do that though and at times my shifts at work had been cut down. So I actually have nothing going on and I also much preferred to spend my time with C rather than be alone like last year. The law in my state is that in COVID quarantine you can't meet anyone, but you can be with your intimate partner. I had mentioned to C that I'm not really happy in the apartment/unit I live in. It actually belongs to my parents and it's not a bad place, but it's not great either. The units are old (built in the 60's) and there is very bad planning and acoustics. I share my bedroom wall with two neighbours and I literally hear everything. Especially the people sharing one wall are very loud. They stay up very late at night and they always slam their front door loud and my bedroom window is very close. I can't say anything to them because it's just really bad acoustics and not their fault as such. They're just talking and doing things in their own place, but I hear it all. Also all my street is is units and apartments and there are so many people and very crowded and loud. C said to me that I can move in with him and he mentioned it a few times. He's renting a very nice three bedroom house with a huge backyard. It's further out of the city but it's a quieter area and where he lives is especially really quiet and right next to a nice nature reserve. C also said he's going to get a dog and I also really love dogs. Anyway then began talking about all these things like me moving in and getting a dog and I began to think that maybe it's not such a bad idea. I completely realise it's too fast but being in and out of lockdown constantly just means I'm just sitting home alone. And I don't actually get much peace and quiet because of all the neighbours also being home 24/7 and it's very noisy. The issue is my anxiety has become very bad. I literally feel like paralysed with anxiety where my body just locks up. And I keep thinking paranoid thoughts a lot like that Chris isn't really into me as a person and that he just wanted to have any girlfriend because he's never had one before. And things like that he cares more about playing video games than me. Which actually logically doesn't seem true because he hasn't played video games all the time with me being over, but only some of the time. And I played some online games with my friends too. I realise gaming is his hobby and without lockdown I would pursue what I want too, such as go out with friends. I don't understand what's causing such strong anxiety but it's really taking over. I'm not sure if maybe I subconsciously don't really want to rush the relationship. But at the same time it's true that I don't want to stay in my apartment and I've actually been thinking that for the past couple of years. I was even considering moving out to the countryside because I wanted some peace and quiet and to rent an actual house with a garden. And maybe get a dog myself even.
I have just started dating this girl and I’m scared she’s using me... I have c-ptsd and you can make your own guesses for why, so I’m not super into the sexual aspect of relationships, and I haven’t had any real relationships and crap. It sucks. I really like this girl, but everytime we talk on the phone she only wants to do sexual stuff, and I’m afraid it’s the only reason she’s interested in me. I also learned she was younger then i thought, but it’s okay with her and she apparently thinks it’s “sexier” that I’m older and whatnot. I like this girl... but it’s starting to feel like she doesn’t feel the same, and she only likes me for “that” kind of stuff.
So for anyone who wasn't following my original post, here it is: So I actually do really like this guy. I think he's really nice and genuine from what I know of him so far. We also do have a few things in common, even though it may not seem like it from the outset. We messaged each other every day and on our third in person date I came to his place for dinner. He cooked dinner for me and we had a few alcoholic drinks and watched a movie. I was actually feeling kinda drunk and got my confidence up and I really wanted to kiss him. I started cuddling up to him and holding his hand and stuff. He said he'd been trying to be respectful and not come on to me or anything and just spend time together. I kissed him but he seemed very inexperienced and not very good at it. Anyway we ended up fooling around a bit but really all it was I took my top off for a bit and we just kissed and cuddled. I asked him if he'd had sex before and he actually said that he hadn't. Then he said we're both drunk so let's not do anything sexual while we're drunk. Afterwards he messaged me every day again. Three days later I came over to his place again and we got Uber Eats and watched some anime. I want to point out also that both times he had a hard on literally all night and I think it was bothering him but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I mean he was right that we were drunk the first time and probably wasn't good to have that as his first time. So it was last night we were watching anime and then I stayed the night. We cuddled in bed a lot and it was really nice. We discussed about having sex and he basically said he wanted to but I'd need to take charge. The thing is I've actually developed feelings for this guy and I think about him a lot. I feel a bit silly because every time I think of him I get butterflies and just feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. So feel more like an infatuated teenager even though I'm 36 lol The thing was when he said he was up for having sex, I felt ridiculously nervous and kind of just froze. It's not because I'm not experienced at sex, in fact it's very much the opposite lol I lost my virginity when I was 17-18 and since then I've done a lot sexually since then. It's just that I've never actually been with anyone in their 30's who has no dating or sexual experience. He hasn't put any pressure on me actually but I think I'm putting pressure on myself to make his first time amazing, you know? I also understand he might think it's great and just be happy to have sex for the first time. And of course he'd have nothing to compare it to lol Oh yeah and we also discussed that we both want a relationship and we want to date each other. What I'm thinking though is, should I make his first time really special or should I actually try not to make a really huge deal of it? Like, should we go out for a nice dinner or something and then I can set up scented candles in the bedroom and stuff like that? Or should I not go all out like that and just do it? Or do I just ask him what he wants? I don't know why I'm feeling so nervous but this is a very big deal for me lol The only time I slept with someone who was a virgin was when I was a virgin myself too and just one other time when I was nineteen and this guy was twenty four and a virgin. But he wasn't really my boyfriend or anything and this was a very long time ago. Men, if you were (or are) a virgin would you want to make a big thing of your first time or would that make you feel more nervous?
TL;DR: New girlfriend says she has high sex drive but extremely hesitant to do anything sexual, says I'm not doing anything wrong. What can I do to make her more comfortable/interested? Quick info that will probably be useful: I'm 32 and pretty huge 6'4" 320 lbs. She is 23 and pretty small 5'1" 95 lbs. I have had a lot of sexual experience. She had sex with 1 guy before and it wasn't very often. I have a vasectomy, she knows about it. Both of us do not want kids, ever. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months. We met online and have a legitimately amazing connection. When we originally discussed sex, she stated she had a high sex drive. I said mine was about about normal and we both agreed sex was important to us, but she said she wanted to 'wait'. Her living situation was less then ideal and I own a house so she quickly moved in with me. She has some sensory issues and prefers sleeping in separate rooms, especially due to my snoring. I would rather she slept in my bed, but I am ok with her having her own room and bed. She made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that she wanted to "wait" to have sex, but never specified what she was waiting for exactly, other then 'until she was comfortable'. We did end up having sex within a week or so of her moving in. The sex was great, but she said she felt like she was going to pass out from over exertion and we had to stop before either of us had an orgasm (she said she can't orgasm unless masturbating). The sex lasted almost an hour and a half, that's on the average to low end of normal for me, but I understand that that can be a lot for some women. She refused ALL sexual contact after that for just over 2 months. I bought her very nice vibrator she could use on her own, to help her get in the mood, or do as she pleases but she refuses to use it (she said she has never owned or used a sex toy before). I ask for hand jobs or oral sex, etc. or if I could preform oral sex on her (which I really enjoy) instead of actual sex to try to keep the relationship strong, as well as keep interest but her answer is always "maybe later", and it never happens. I had a sit-down with her at about the 2 months mark and told her I could not continue the relationship if there wasn't going to be anything sexual going on. I explained that I was in a 'loveless relationship' before for multiple years and I refuse to go through that again. She said she understood, that I was being reasonable and that she would try to work on it. She assured me I wasn't doing anything wrong, and she just wasn't ever in the mood, and she got overwhelmed thinking about it sometimes. A week later we had sex and it was even better then the first time, I kept it to a reasonable length this time and I reached orgasm, and she was quite pleased about that. But since then, it's back to the way it was before. She has mentioned previously that her ex would never want to have sex and she pretty much had to beg him. Oddly, she considers oral sex equivalent to actual penis-in-vagina sex. I am very open sexually. She has a certain, slightly embarrassing (to her) fetish that she told me about (with great hesitation). She said she has never done anything with the fetish before. I told her I would do anything she wanted, but she has been too embarrassed/shy to try anything. If we are watching a movie in my bed and I try to initiate sex, or sexual play, she quickly gets up and leaves the room. She says she doesn't even want to make out or anything "because it could lead to other things." I feel like shes not telling me something, she swears up and down that shes just not in the mood and gets overwhelmed. Things are not adding up. How can I help her out, and save the relationship?