willdr

I appreciate both comments very much. While I cannot control what she does with BF, I have suggested and encouraged her to talk with her family who she probably knows will strongly disapprove of 1) her adultery and 2) allowing 21 y/o BF around our 16 y/o son and 5 y/o daughter. Deep down I think she knows her behavior is immoral and is reluctant to face it. Many others have told me that this is her way of lashing out and hurting me the worst way she knows how. Such is life. I do not have control over her and her life. I do have control of my choices and actions. I choose to do my best to set a better example than I have in the past, when I've lost my patience with her for not seeking help after she acknowledges she needs it. Her broken promises and hateful, hurtful behavior, while sad, cannot change who I am (one of the good guys!!) or what I do (take good care of my great children). Again thank you both!!

From what I have been able to find on the Net, from friends, mental health pros and family, my STBXW bringing in a boyfriend half her age (she's 42, he's 21) to play with and bond with my 16y/o son and 5 y/o daughter is not a healthy thing. She has left the 16 y/o alone overnight with the 5 y/o to go spend the night with him after we separated, before I filed for divorce. What can I say or do to get accross to her that this is an unhealthy situation for our children without being manipulative or controlling? I haven't been perfect, I know, but this seems harmful longterm. She states clearly that it's not serious and he probably won't be around too long. My concern is them bonding with him, he leaves and they feel abandoned, less trustful of men, etc. She loves our children but seems to think my objections to her boytoy is only from anger or jealousy. While hurt deeply and very sad, my biggest concern is for the children. Any specific books or websites or objective info will be greatly appreciated. HELP!!!