maxwellsmart

It's up to her I was pretty set on Texas from the get go but Michigan was fine as well She is the one bouncing back and forth I have the best location already scoped out in Texas

On paper overall yes but I would be more than happy with either decision. I work remotely and she would need to be on site. The place she got an offer from is pretty much her dream job. It has definitely been a roller coaster ride but what fun would it be if it weren't?

UPDATE We talked it out and realized it was a simple communication issue. She felt like I was going to break up with her since I was interested in Texas more than her. We both agreed on Michigan and are moving forward. BUT, now she just got an amazing offer from one of the top hospitals in Texas and now she is considering moving there. Her anxiety makes her so wishy washy so now I hope this gives insight to my perspective and frustration with this. I am going to be supportive no matter what, but she is like a light switch when it comes to this (understandably so).

yes

Yeah we are regrading either ending up in Texas or Michigan. It's just the fact she told me the opposite of what she told her family that bothers me.

Sounds like she was deciding on Michigan, which is what she told her mom and was still entertaining Texas while talking to me.

I agreed she was transparent once the convo was on the table but that door has been open for 2 years. Doesn't discount that she mislead telling me one thing and then the opposite to her family behind my back.

Definitely agree with all of the above She had this fear I was going to break up with her because I was so invested in going to Texas to tour places, find best commuting location, best neighborhoods. My theory is that she was really on board but when I actually went out there reality hit and she felt a different way.

I'm not snooping, she literally told me in-person about their conversation...

I guess I don't understand why she wasn't just honest with me? She finally told me and I was totally understanding and Michigan made sense because it was a mutual decision

I completely understand that, the issue is that she is already mentally preparing herself for a hypothetical breakup and telling her family that, all because she told me something completely different.

She told me this in-person when I mentioned that Michigan may be a good move over Texas. Definitely communication issue, but still doesn't discount that she communicated two different things to two different parties, while truly knowing what she wanted. It was a definite possibility that I could have been left in the dust in Texas by myself, that is why I am upset. Being in Michigan is not completely surprising or off-base whatsoever. I've always told her that is the safe option and it makes a lot of sense, but wanted Texas as an alternative due to warmer weather (we absolutely hate the cold mid-west), lifestyle, culture, economy, future family opportunities, etc. Also, the thing is that this was not some big ultimatum ("It's Texas or nothing"). Texas can absolutely be put off as an option for us. I've told her many times both options will be good but she never communicated truthfully her intentions. Led me on about Texas but then tells her family the complete opposite of what she told me.

I communicated to her that either Texas or Michigan would be a good choice. I'm more invested in Texas since it is brand new to us so I've been doing tons of research and spending lots of money flying us out there to tour places. I 100% agree that she is doing it for my sake but isn't it malicious to tell me one thing and then tell your family you aren't going with the decision you tell me? In my head, I could have ended up in Texas by myself because she never told me how she truly felt, only entertained the idea of moving there.

To provide more context: Essentially, she was telling her family that she is going to Michigan while telling me that she is interested in Texas. She never communicated that to me whatsoever and when I asked her if I didn't find out about this if she would have gone to Michigan and left me in Texas she said maybe. How, for example, did you stumble upon all this? And how could your girlfriend have up and moved to Michigan "without telling" you? If her choice was ultimately Michigan, and yours was Texas, I'd imagine you two would have crossed that road through more conversation, no? We talked about Texas and Michigan and I mentioned that either are ultimately a good choice. She then told me that she told her mom that I was going to break up with her no matter what since I want to go to Texas. All in all, it sounds like you and your girlfriend have been discussing Michigan vs Texas, and that your girlfriend discussed this with her family. That strikes me as pretty normal, as people often talk to those close to them about big decisions. Were you surprised to learn that she was leaning more toward Michigan? What she told her family about going back to Michigan isn't what she told me. She keeps entertaining the idea of Texas and wanting to go there even though she already decided on Michigan. Basically, if I never found out she would have left me in Texas.

I’m facing a difficult situation in my relationship and need advice on whether this issue should be considered a dealbreaker. Here are the key points: My girlfriend (24f) and I (30m) have been living in Minnesota away from home for her schooling for 2 years. We discussed the possibility of moving to a new state that aligns with our lifestyle and overall wants/needs (Texas). Another options is going back to our home state so that we are closer to friends and family (Michigan). We must make this decision in two months so she can start applying to jobs after school. I stumbled upon the fact that my girlfriend has been telling her family she’s leaning towards Michigan, while letting them know I am more deadest on Texas. She did this without my knowledge and was still being supportive about the move to Texas. She told her mom that I am going to break up with her because I am going to Texas and she wants to go to Michigan. Her mom responded "I liked him but will support you". She is already creating a hypothetical break up for her and family involved because she isn't communicating with me. When confronted, my girlfriend admitted she might have moved to Michigan without telling me if I hadn’t found out. She claimed she did this because she was scared... We have been together for almost 3 years. I basically feel like she went behind my back on a mutual decision. Here’s my question: Given the lack of honest communication from my girlfriend about a major life decision, should I consider this a dealbreaker in our relationship? What are the factors to weigh in making this decision? Thank you for your input.