happy1

Hi. Sorry to hear how confused you must be feeling. Things are never black and white and there isn't always a straightforward answer. However, I have to disagree with you that all the comments on here are negative. I have posted twice last week about my worries and the comments were actually very positive. Nobody told me to just 'dump' my boyfriend (who I was worried had feelings for one of my friends). People on here weighed up all of the 'evidence' and offered some very positive advice. I'd be tempted to agree with others on here about your issue. If someone says so soon after spending time together that they see you as a friend, that is how they see you. She may very well have trust issues, but if she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't let that stop her and she'd be dealing with them alongside dating you. Like I said, nothing is ever black and white and we can't get inside her head. I would say to 'go with the flow'. Send the odd friendly text if you want to let her know you're still interested, but ultimately let her do the chasing and if she wants more than friendship, she'll certainly make it clear in time.

Yeah, I get this. He isn't the sensitive type, whereas I am very sensitive. He has admitted that he has never been one to open up about his feelings, so I guess why would I expect he'd be worried about mine constantly. He does listen when I do talk about my feelings and tries to understand where I'm coming from. I think I need to remember everyone is different and they won't act exactly how I want them to - doesn't mean they don't care?

This is a great idea! Thank you.

He asked how I was and I said I was getting ready to go to my appointment. He replied with 'I forgot about that, sorry.'

I've been to the gym a couple of times this week and have definitely stopped some anxious thoughts in their tracks, but I guess it's going to take a little while of practice to eliminate them all. I think today with it being such an important step, I'd hope he would remember and then the thoughts were overwhelming again. At least this time, I didn't show him I was disappointed. I came straight on here for advice! I guess over time, I'll start being able to rely on myself to stop the anxiety in its tracks, rather than needing it from him or others. Thank you for your reply and reminding me of the previous suggestions.

Thank you for your straightforward advice. I can see how once again, I rushed straight into panic mode that it's a sign he doesn't care.

Ahh, thank you! 😊 It's sort of sad it can take people so many years to finally start having some self-awareness. But at least I'm on the 'journey'. Life is about self-improvement!

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I definitely feel like a 'child' sometimes, constantly seeking the positive strokes and recognition just to feel 'OK'. I'm hoping this is the start of my journey to being able to parent myself.

This is something I have to be so wary of because I have be prone to liking a 'challenge' in the past, but actually what I really want is someone who shows they care by being interested to ask questions and find out more about me. Not much to ask, is it?! I will have to simply be aware on this front because the asking of questions can be hit and miss with my boyfriend as loving and attentive in other ways as he is. I don't want to settle for a half-assed relationship, emotionally speaking!

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I think I am still in the process of analysing a lot of his actions to 'check' that he loves me. I am hugely into this man and have never felt as strongly about anyone before. But, I have so many unresolved issues that I am constantly worried that he will leave me, find someone else or that he doesn't love me the same way I love him. It's exhausting, but I am so pleased I have started therapy and found this site where I have been able to voice my worries and get some reassurance from unbiased people 😊!

I completely agree with you there. I don't ask loads of questions, but I always check in one people I care about. Maybe I'm being unfair on him because he does ask some questions, just not the same way I do!

I really connected with your last paragraph. I go from feeling fine, to 'He doesn't love me or care about me because he forgot my appointment.' Again, it's probably my constant, low-lying feelings of insecurity and low self-worth. Like it automatically means he just doesn't care enough, because why would he? I don't truly believe he should care because I don't really love myself as I am. Hence the start of therapy today. I have so much to work on......

Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope all went well with your appointment. I have actually talked to him about this before, a few months ago. He doesn't ask a lot of questions in general, but I accept that about him. He is who he is, he's quite reserved. But to not remember an important appointment made me feel disappointed.

Thank you. Yes, I guess I won't turn my thinking around on one session and this is further evidence that ultimately, I refuse to believe he truly cares about me. I just wanted reassurance that this wasn't a big deal, or whether this was something to worry about that he forgets some things I tell him.

Thank you. I did think the apology was considerate and showed he knew it was a big deal. I guess that does show he cares. So we only did the assessment today, but I did mention that I always feel second best and that everyone is somehow 'better' than me. It made me realise there is a lot to uncover.

Thank you, I can see your point and I won't be sharing what we talk about. He has admitted to forgetting I even had it though and I just thought a simple 'Hope it went ok' might've been considerate. It's the idea it's not the first time and it makes me wonder if he even takes in my important appointments.

Thank you! I can already see it's going to really help me. So pleased I've taken the first step. So, he has admitted to forgetting and apologised. So, it's great he has apologised, showing he is sorry he forgot that because he maybe acknowledges it's kind of a big deal. It's just that fact that this is not the first time and it leaves me wondering if he is really listening to me or if he is really bothered with what I have going on?

Hi everyone, So, obviously I was on here earlier in the week to seek advice for my jealousy around a friend/co-worker and my boyfriend. A lot of the responses were very helpful and I decided it may be that I need to work on my own issues. So, I managed to get booked in with a therapist today and had my first session 😊. I told my boyfriend mid-week that I had my first session today and he seemed pleased for me. We didn't discuss at length, but I explained the kinds of things I might bring up about my self-worth etc. Anyway, neither of us have discussed it since, but he completely forgot I had the appointment. He had messaged about other things, but has forgotten that. This is not the first time he has done this. He always goes on about how bad his memory is and I know he forgets things that other people tell him so I can sort of let some stuff slide. But I would've thought that he would know this was important to me and remembered so he could ask how it went?

Thank you so much for your input. I think sharing your experience has made me realise I need to wake up and dp something about this before it's too late. Thank you. 😊

Thank you so much.

We both love camping and long walks, so I'm going to organise something and stay POSITIVE! No jealous comments allowed, even in jest. Thanks SO much for all the time and effort you've put into your replies. It's helped immensely and I'm feeling a lot more positive!

This is such a positive and lovely idea. I have told him that I struggle with self-worth and that could be triggering my jealous thoughts. Hence why he's stuck around! He's been quite understanding, but I have also sensed his frustration too. I definitely don't want to push him away when it seems I may be way off the mark. I think I will do what you've suggested and tell him I'm doing some internal work on my overall confidence.

Also, this is probably less about me not respecting him and more about me having trust issues with ANYONE. It's just taken me to get into a serious relationship with someone I have never felt as strongly about for them to come to the surface.

I completely hear you there. I would feel the same if someone kept questioning me when I knew I was telling the truth. I have definitely decided that I work on my issues, see if I trust him after that and take it from there. What I will absolute not do is interrogate him any more.

I'm fearing this is what I've done, which is defined not fair on either of them!