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ai broke up with my now ex boyfriend the start of this year end of last year and we have been in no contact. Stupid me decided to this month make a order and without checking the address it went to his house. Now he has messaged me saying theres been a parcel there for me. I have gotten mad anxiety again and do not know what to do or say. 

HELPP

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

Walk away.  

how because i care so much but i know this is draining he isnt right for me

I am in something quite similar to this, my boyfriend does not like when i speak or hang out with friends too much even though he pretends that he is fine. i dont have friends that i see i havent in a year or two years but thats just how i am but its the fact he is super judgmental too and wont have me seeing anyone too like this. im also scared to speak to my friends around him as he is super judgy

My boyfriend and I have had rocky roads recently due to him having trust issues, i never cheated on him yet he always holds me accountable for not having his back in previous instances where women have messaged me saying they were speaking and what not whilst i was in a relationship with him. I have reacted badly of course - as any women would and his arguement has always been that i never had his back whilst she was saying all this instead i let her keep talking, he thinks i betrayed him in that sense. Then another instance was with a family member who wanted to meet him yet was being very defensive in doing so and called him names and in this instance he also argued i never had his back. 

fast forward to now, yes i have had instances in which i have not acted dumb and supported him knowing he was wrong - but was that actually a problem? i do understand now that no matter what i need to discuss with him first before i react because i have reacted before knowing the full story before. however i was hurt. due to this stuff he had started to take things further and started cheating on me seeing other people talking to other women even went onto having sex with them. 

he was loyal once but it didnt last after i broke “his trust” he wants to end our relationship but he cant at the same time he wants an open relationship hes being ***ty we dont have sex he doesnt want to do things with me anymore im just sad. ontop of this my mum is sick, my sisters in mental health care, my dad suffers from depression he has never once asked me how they are only how i am when i go home because he knows its a lot. he doesnt care about anyone he just cares about his sport and if he cant play its the end of the world and nothing comes before him and his dream. 

i have tried to end things many times over. he tells me he will never change and has given me the cold shoulder many times how do i detach my feelings from him and end this relationship once and for all?

I have been dealing with lots of hardships in lofe lately and all i want is that peace of mind and tranquility that i once had. i worked so hard on it by meditating constantly but i have fallen out of it how do i fall in love with myself again?!

15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Sorry this happened. Stop talking to him or his mother.

First see a physician about your mental and physical health. Ask for STD testing and reliable contraception. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

Getting pregnant won't make a man who doesn't want to have a relationship with you marry you.

its true what your saying and its hard because my mother has cancer and i have no one to love me whilst she is like this.

she wants to tell him to marry me and be happy as her last wishes

31 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

Horrible idea. He doesn't care. This will backfire and make you feel worse.

Leave him by text, and leave whatever stuff at his place as the price of your tuition. You will thank yourself later for doing the smartest thing today.

my mum isnt well either and she wants to see him before she gets worse as she has cancer i dont know what to do

11 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

 

But this isn't the type of situation where you listen to your feelings and stay. This is a situation where you look at the facts and do what's logically right for you despite having feeling for him. That's what mature responsible adults do.

its true i know i feel so stupid for how i feel i havent been able to sleep because of this and he is probably fast asleep right now i have a whole break up text i wrote to send him because there is so much i kept in i want to let out but i want him to see me and feel bad when i leave him instead of breaking up over text

12 minutes ago, Madlike said:

He could have cheated on you too since you couldn’t have sex with him in so long.

i know he has sadly

9 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

He's not your responsibility. He's not some project to take on.

You are not his mother. You are not his therapist.

He will survive without you and figure his life out like all adults do.

Listen, when you date a guy, your only job is to assess whether he's a good partner to you and to trust yourself to leave when he no longer fits that standard. And, when you date him, you take him as if he is at his best version and he won't change. He is who he shows who he is. So, why are your standards so low? Why stick around a guy who treats you like disposable trash? He's a cheater, liar and manipulator. Look at him playing you and telling you "I want you, but I wanna be single"! BS! He's keeping you as a side piece. You're an afterthought for him. Why settle for that? Dear, where are your dating standards? You don't need to be THAT desperate. Most women would run from such a man AND life.

Once you get rid yourself from him, a weight will fall off your shoulder.

Can you at least stick to using contraception for now? No babies until you find a man who who his partner or partner material. Your kids wouldn't deserve an unavailable father who cheats and a mom who enables him.

its true your right he manipulated me to the point i cant get in touch with my standards, he’s completely destroyed me. i want to get my things from his but i dont want to go at the same time. 

1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

It's a no. He's sugar coating this and keeping you on the hook for more sex based on HIS future demand.

I would say he should be out of your life asap. You may shoot him a text and say "I can't carry this on like this. It's over. I don't want to hear from you anymore. Goodbye."

You owe him nothing for the way he treated you.

Meh, his mom could be a nice person, but you can forgo speaking with her. Once she knows you two broke up, she'll get the hint like most adults.

Block them all everywhere as soon as you send the text. If you see them somewhere, keep walking or cut the conversation short very quickly ("I'm busy and got to go asap") and walk away.

Fyi I mentioned text because it can be a one way conversation. You are vulnerable and understandably feeling all over the place. So, if you actually have a talk, he might lure you back into having sex or staying in touch. But, he's done a lot of damage so you shouldn't speak to him anymore for a lifetime. So you need to rip a band aid and then cut him and his people out of your life.

You are worthy of a healthy, consistent, and loving relationship. Moving forward, don't sell yourself so short like this anymore 💚 learn to be single and happy. Only allow people who add to the beauty of your life to be in it. Remember these words whenever you feel any random urge to contact him.

thank you so much for your advice, but i keep getting this urge to fight back because i know his career and money wise everything is going to crap and he wants to destroy everything in the process because he feels like a failure i want to stick it out but i know its wrong to at the same time. 

he says he wants me we havent had sex in a while as i have been bleeding due to miscarriage i have such mixed emotions right now.

18 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You don't need to. That's up to him. 

He does not choose you though, and you can't make him. It's an absolute waste of your time to sit around and hope he'll notice your value. He won't.  His behaviour is telling you very clearly that he does not want to be with you, and I have a feeling he would have been long gone if you hadn't become pregnant a couple times (and girl, please be more careful and do not let that happen again) There is just no future here. His feelings are not going to change and sooner or later, he will end it for good. 

It doesn't matter if you break up with him in person or over the phone. It just needs to end so you can work on your own emotional well-being and eventually find a man who loves you and wants nobody but you. Your sort-of boyfriend is not that man for you. 

he has told me he would only want to be in a a relationship with me and no one else but he wants to be single right now what does that mean?

5 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I'm so sorry you have been through all of this. I can't imagine all the mixed emotions 

#1 Use protection. Did all his cheating make you think that he's father material? Or are you trying to baby-trap him? Cause it doesn't work this way!

#2 Please break up with him asap. You need to take a deep look at yourself and why you allow yourself to be treated like this. Do you not think you deserve better? Plenty of men would treat you right, be loyal and want to be with you. Stop going after toxic unavailable men, and start working on your self esteem and worth.

#3 Block this POS everywhere. Tell everyone you don't want to hear about him anymore. This man is the lowest of the low out there. I don't see anything appealing in him. 

#4 Girl, move on and get therapy. Practice self love and self care. Stay single for at least a year and make peace with being happy by being with yourself only. Get rid of all toxic habits and people in your life. You are worthy and deserve to be happy 💚 You've been through a lot, and it's time that YOU take care of YOU. You don't need a man to be happy. Ditch codependency and embrace depending on your beautiful self. You got this.

do i break up with him in person?

5 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I'm so sorry you have been through all of this. I can't imagine all the mixed emotions 

#1 Use protection. Did all his cheating make you think that he's father material? Or are you trying to baby-trap him? Cause it doesn't work this way!

#2 Please break up with him asap. You need to take a deep look at yourself and why you allow yourself to be treated like this. Do you not think you deserve better? Plenty of men would treat you right, be loyal and want to be with you. Stop going after toxic unavailable men, and start working on your self esteem and worth.

#3 Block this POS everywhere. Tell everyone you don't want to hear about him anymore. This man is the lowest of the low out there. I don't see anything appealing in him. 

#4 Girl, move on and get therapy. Practice self love and self care. Stay single for at least a year and make peace with being happy by being with yourself only. Get rid of all toxic habits and people in your life. You are worthy and deserve to be happy 💚 You've been through a lot, and it's time that YOU take care of YOU. You don't need a man to be happy. Ditch codependency and embrace depending on your beautiful self. You got this.

the worst part is i love his mum and she is the sweetest person i have no idea how to tell her that i cant be with her son anymore 

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, it was love at first sight we met click and the spark was amazing it was when you meet your person. We never spent a day without seeing eachother apart from weekends when i worked. But then things got shaky after something happened and he felt he could not trust me and it broke him. At the same time i found out i was pregnant, he had started cheating on me and i did not know what to do as by this point i had a miscarriage also and i needed his support. 

So he continued to cheat, i knew but just needed support as i was going through it and i still love him, even after this. we took time apart here and there but it was hard given what i had been going through. 

ever since he has been wanting to break up and i ended up pregnant again and also miscarrying months later, but he has always just wnated to break up but when we try to we just always end up wanting to try make things work again. now it has gotten to a point where we both need space and love eachother but he does not feel the same way he did in the beginning and says he doesnt think he ever will and i want us to try work things out because i choose him everyday but its becoming draining. i just want him to feel the same way again, and he does too but his head is spun by all that has happened so he struggles to cope sometimes with us being together too much like before. 

what do i do? helpp