eastcoastgal

No you are not an abuser. HE IS. He took advantage. What you did is called reactive abuse. Its when you get blamed for your reaction to their abuse. It's a trap they set. It's good that you're out of it.

This is a continuation from my last post, about my boyfriend who was confiding in a female friend of his about our relationship. He was not communicating with me at all, he would instead, go to her and tell her how horrible I was treating him. He never talked to me about anything and he never tried to leave the relationship. So as it turns out, it was much worse than I thought. He was manipulating the situation so he could be the centre of attention and play the victim. He was gas lighting me, using triangulation to isolate me and create animosity against me. This was a man that said he loved me and wanted to have a relationship. He had this woman so furious with me and she started sending me threats. I did not respond to anything and just walked away from the situation but it is so upsetting to me that this was going on for so long. What kind of a person does something so calculated and malicious? We had difficulties and I made mistakes but I took ownership and apologized. He forgave me and said we could move on, but he apparently was more interested in getting sympathy. I have no contact with anyone involved anymore but I have had serious depression and anxiety since because I just can't believe that someone could be that duplicitous and vicious. Why stay in the relationship just to humiliate me? What that what he was doing? I made some recordings of him when he was verbally abusing me. He doesn't know I have them. I played them for some people and they can't believe how toxic he is. He was jealous and incredibly insecure. I feel like I need closure or some answers, how can I out this behind me? I will run into him and his friend again at some point ...

We each have friends of the opposite sex. He came home a few days ago after being out with her (and that's where he goes when we argue) and said that she told him that she suspected I was cheating ...because I hang out with a guy ... and this guy is a MUTUAL friend of my BF and I! she's meddling. No I don't think they are messing around,she's married and not his type. He has other female friends that I like very much, and I prefer he talk to them, at least they know me and will be objective. I think he talks to her when he's mad because she will reinforce and validate him. She's gone one step further accusing me of cheating though.

I could tell him to stop but he'd just do it behind my back. Them 4-5 years, us 2.5

She could stop giving him advice and say that she doesn't want to get involved. I've only met her a couple of times, she needs to mind her own business

My boyfriend has a female friend that he talks to about problems our the relationship. I have been in this situation before and it has always led to the end of the relationship. I have told him to stop but he wont. She recently told him that she thought I was cheating because I spend time with my male friends. I am going to confront her about this and, from experience, this will only strengthen their alliance and alienate myself. What can I do??

Ok well I think this is interesting because I'm just describing my experience...it's like this... instead of saying that is this or that...to me that's less accusatory

I have been careful when talking about his behaviour to say "you are LIKE this..." or "you behave LIKE this.." Never You ARE.. He, on the other hand responds with clear insults.

I'm 55. we have been in a relationship for 2 years

I know there must be some psychology professionals out there reading this forum, so I'm asking for some advice on dealing with a type of personality that sees everything as an accusation. I mean literally you can't say anything negative...and I try to be constructive in my negative comments. But it's always taken as an attack. Like, I could say "you have a little something on your lip" and it would be like, "are you accusing me of being a slob?!?" Really hard to deal with. The person, my boyfriend, has shut me out because he thinks I'm constantly accusing him of this and that when I'm only trying to point out some behaviours and open a dialogue and maybe find a better way to communicate. I have tried googling it and ail I get are pages about falsely accusations and gas lighting and I really don't think I'm doing that, I just want to communicate what I feel is unacceptable behaviour to me and let him respond with his views and then work it out. But he thinks I'm attacking him. Am I being aggressive and can I change my dialogue ? My boyfriend is 74 and I have experienced this before with elderly people. Is it something to do with age?

I find it very hard to overlook bad behaviour. When it became a pattern I ended it immediately. Jekyll and Hyde is a good comparison, that's exactly what it was.I know trauma bonding is a thing and I never saw myself as that type but here I am. 😞

I recently broke up with someone that I was not happy with. He was very arrogant and had been verbally abusive on several occasions. Now that I ended it the relationship it feels like I'm missing him and I feel incredible grief and loss. I don't know why this is happening, is it because i find myself alone and it's nearing the holiday season? Is it because I don't want to start over again. I would almost rather put up with his crap than be alone again... What's wrong with me?/