Kbtoys

Not sure of the unwarranted jealousy unless something happened in the relationship that would throw red flags.  Also not sure of past unresolved relationships issues.  I’ve been in relationships where minimal jealousy was involved and it felt good to have stability and trust.

 I’ve been in other relationships where one person gets toxic or jealous and then it makes you wonder where it is coming from and then I started to investigate.  We don’t know the whole story in your relationship or if this happened in the past in his or your relationships.  
 

What would be solution or compromise to make him feel more comfortable?  It is your job and you’re the supervisor and known this guy your whole life.  I could start to question if your bf saw photos, videos, or acts that made him question your involvement, but interacting with your workers is part of your job.  Good luck!

On 1/9/2023 at 10:57 AM, Batya33 said:

How did she find those old “likes?”  Seems to me she was suspicious at the outset. I am actually careful about what I like on posts by men I dated in the past. And my husband never goes on Facebook so it’s not because I don’t want to get caught I simply don’t want the appearance of impropriety or for someone I dated to read into a like. For example I’d never post like if the post was showing off something about the person’s looks or fitness.

If you want to be toxic, then you just goto settings and check interactions and it shows all likes, posts, etc. you’ve done on the platform.  Relationships are tough and social media really makes it harder with people being able to gain access to each other so easily.  It is especially difficult for people that have been burned in the past, low self esteem, etc.

I think you are taking the right steps to give her space and let her cool off.  She will most likely decide to come back, but you guys have to be transparent about what expectations are required to move forward.  I have had plenty of times I’m wanting to step out of a relationship and currently going through some issues.  
 

She probably wants stability and the comfort of knowing she is the only one in your eyes, but then might feel inadequate since you’re paying attention to other woman.  You just have to reverse the situation and figure out if you would feel comfortable with her liking guys posts in underwear. It may not trigger or bother you, but you don’t know what past issues or insecurities your partner has to deal with.  
 

If it is a reasonable request for you not to like other woman’s pics on social media, then you could possibly move forward, but maybe it is something you don’t consider so important.  Then you have a compatibility issue and she will be able to find someone willing to make the sacrifice.  If you knew liking 2 women’s photos on social media would end your relationship, then would you have done it?  If you still would have liked the posts, then she just needs to find someone that will keep her centered.  
 

I’ve had issues with my girlfriend going out to bars with her friends until early in the morning and she agreed it isn’t appropriate since it triggers something in my past.  I agreed to stop going to gentleman’s clubs because it makes her feel inadequate.  Some relationships are more liberal like swingers, while others may be too restrictive and have to be tracked by gps apps on your phone.  It just depends on what 2 people want out of a relationship.  

So have the tough conversations to decide to continue or walk and wish them well.  4 years is a lot, but imagine a lifetime together and you don’t have the conversations or compromises to make it work. 
 

My situation is every time I get triggered when my girlfriend curses at me and I say I’m done.  I have done it many times and this time it might have put the nail in coffin, but it is one numerous things we’ve discussed.  Some value different characteristics differently in their relationship ships like respect, trust, commitment, etc.  This forum wouldn’t exist if relationships were so simple.  Good luck in your journey and future.  I think if you guys can have the tough conversations and make compromises, then it could work.

I wouldn’t outright bring it up, but just ask if she enjoys it and if she would like certain things i.e. positions, toys, recommendations, etc.  She should be able to communicate with you on her preferences.  I have had times where my gf wants me to take my time, other times get it over with, etc.  It just depends on their schedule, mood, etc.  She might need to reply on the phone for work, school, family, prior commitments, etc.  

I would just communicate with her on what you like and she should be able to do the same.  If you can’t at least tell each other your bedroom preferences then might be a bigger issue on communication.  I get annoyed as well when my gf is in a time crunch and just wants a quicky just so she can resume cooking, watching tv, browsing on her phone, etc.  The type of sex and connection isn’t always going to be the same, so just as long as you both know what situation.  
 

I’m sure your gf also has somethings she would like to address, but maybe the communication isn’t open to the type of conversation.  She would probably rather be on her phone browsing, but takes time out of her day to let you know she still wants some type of connection with you.  When that stops, then it might be an issue.

As a guy, if I am interested in someone, then I would make future plans.  Example would be when I anticipate future date, meetings, etc.  To me, it seems you are not a priority in his life.  Just think about it, if someone meant more to you, then you would respond within an hour or 2 depending on how busy you are with life and career.  Unless he works in an area with no internet and bad cellular reception, then I would understand.  Sounds like you are only his priority when you are easily accessible, like in the same town.  It would be similar to how you communicate with family and friends.  You would keep them informed on why you can’t respond or call if you are preoccupied with something in your life.

As others have mentioned, talk to her about your feelings and your intentions.  She is not a mind reader and she may not be ready to commit to anything serious as she has her whole life ahead of her.  If she isn’t making time for you, then why bother trying to hold onto a one person relationship.  You might just be a good friend to chat with when she has downtime so she can vent.  The conversation might reveal what she wants out of life or her expectations and they most likely won’t align with your expectations, but at least you won’t have to wonder and waste anymore time.  Good luck!

If someone doesn’t want to spend time with you, then they are occupying their time with something or someone else.  It is rude to just ghost someone.  The only thing I can think of is as others have mentioned, they reconciled with an ex or found someone else to spend time with.  Think about it, if he really wanted to spend time with you, then he would at least reply with their current life situation, i.e. busy at work, working on themselves, going through some personal self development, etc.  Sorry to hear you wasted time on someone that lacks respect for your time.

Not sure how the topic was brought up, but wish everyone was more authentic and honest with their intentions.  He might want to give you the whole picture of his situation.  It is a good sign to me as a man that he is involved with his daughter’s life.  The only part would be if he would prioritize her over you.  As a father my kids are my first priority which could be challenging in relationships.  

Another thought is that he could just be putting it out there that he isn’t interested in being in a relationship with someone that can’t control their spending and possibly a shopaholic.  Doesn’t want to repeat the past failed relationship issues.

You don’t seem like a very receptive person when you’re on a public forum asking for opinions on your matter.  I’m in an age gap relationship with someone from another country and we constantly have arguments on various differences between our cultures.  You had one expectation and she had another.  If you don’t comment on the matter when you’re with her, then why should she expect you to be uncomfortable with conversation on the train trip.  She took the time to introduce you to her family which I think is more serious than some stranger on a train.  She invested her time to take a trip with you and not take a trip with the strangers.  Maybe you could have asked her during the conversation what they are talking about and try to include yourself in the conversation where she translates or just stay on your phone and look disinterested in being with her.  Did you attempt to hold her hand or kiss her?  She might have either felt you were either totally fine with her communicating with strangers or also felt distance from you based on your body language.  We were not on the train with you.

The best advice moving forward is to tell your partner what you expect or want in a relationship and if they don’t respect it or too different in values, then it is time to reconsider who you are investing your time with.  Life is short and relationships take work, mostly communication, and it isn’t always going to be butterflies and rainbows everyday.  It could result in some of the lowest days you’ve ever experienced, but also heaven on earth.  Find someone who you are willing to suffer for and tolerate.  She might have not been aware you felt disrespected, but I know I’ve done the same and would stonewall my gf and not communicate or even interact with her in hopes she felt the same as I did with the hurt I felt.  If I told her what I felt instead of stonewalling, which is a bad habit I have, but I’ve realized it just pushes people away.  Hopefully you can salvage the relationship over something so small.  People you are in relationships and in love with are guaranteed to hurt you, but it wouldn’t hurt if you didn’t care for them.  

I am going through similar situation, but have only been together for almost a year and not married with kids.  The main takeaway I can see is she was honest with you now as before she probably didn’t think the relationship was safe enough to divulge this information.  If the kiss meant more, then she wouldn’t be with you and and be with the other guy.  
 

Also it seems you are trying to win the argument and dig up records, etc. which others have mentioned is a rabbit hole.  What I did was actually ask the guy about events and verify, but even then I still have doubts.  What will the phone records reveal to you?  If she is still in contact behind your back, then yes I can see it as some form of betrayal or if the phone records revealed a long history of calls and texts between the two.

If everything is good with the relationship and both of you are able to trust and communicate through difficult conversations, then I can see you guys being able to get through this situation.  What if she never felt safe enough to share what happened that night.  I know I constantly relived and questioned my partner to the point she was crying and having depression.  
 

Believe me, it doesn’t feel good for either person in the relationship.  We all have a boundary on what we will tolerate and I hope you are able to salvage what you guys have together.  Also be careful saying too many hurtful “truths” to try and get your point across as they will always remember those moments.  If you want to prove more happened and keep reliving the past, then your option, but it may result in her feeling like she can’t change the past or leave to greener pastures.  

Relationship could work, but a long shot.  As others have asked, have you met any of her family, friends, relatives?  Do they know both of your intentions or is it just a romantic fling?  Also Northern Thailand, Issan or Chiang Mai?  I recall most from northern Thailand are relatively poor farmers and being able to afford flights to international destinations would be difficult.  Does she have good employment or is she from an wealthy Thai family?  They are some of the nicest people I’ve met in the world, but hard to imagine her putting in all of this effort with little to no interest in what you do for a living or what you can provide for her other than a local Thai that has a decent job and family connections.  Good luck to you and hope it works out.

I had similar situation, but in an age gap relationship.  She is younger and has lots of male friends.  I always provided examples of how it would feel if she was in my shoes.  I let her know some guys have honest intentions, but the ones that have “feelings” for you are not ones I want her to associate with since they are probably orbiters waiting for a shoulder to cry on.  I gave her the option to keep hanging out with these guys or stop communicating with them.  She chose to stop communicating with them.  

We had an honest discussion that everyone is not perfect and most probably aren’t compatible or have the time and energy to deal with each other’s good or bad habits.  My gf used to be secretive and always be on her phone and social media.  I told her I didn’t feel comfortable with her interacting with a bunch of guys that may be interested in going out with her.

I told her if that is what she wants then I gave her the option of an open relationship or me leaving.  She said she didn’t want an open relationship and created other social media accounts, changed her phone number, and stopped going out to bars. It was a total 180 and I’m still confused, but maybe communication was not great at the beginning of the relationship.  I have full access to her phone and she has access to mine.  I know most on here say if you don’t trust, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.  
 

So far everything has been great and communication couldn’t be better.  We have tough and uncomfortable conversations, but if it is what she really wants then both will work on it.  I really hope it works out for you.  Being single is easy as you don’t have to deal with another human’s actions, but everyone has their own tolerance level in relationships.  Most seem to tell you to run at the first sign of issues in the relationship.  I’m glad posters like Rose gave a women’s perspective to my situation and having the tough conversations, heart to heart as she called it, worked and communication couldn’t have been better since.  Good luck to you!

Speaking from my own experience as the boyfriend, it isn’t healthy to always have to deal with someone that wants to breakup due to their own insecurities.  I am “that” boyfriend as I shouldn’t be in a relationship as I have trust issues.  I am in a relationship where she has cheated and kissed other men, but we do love each other.  I always have one foot out the door and keep making her feel bad about her mistakes since I don’t want to deal with my own pain from the betrayal.  
 

I always had suspicions as she was secretive and communication would break down when we were apart, but things have improved and she took a 180 when she realized I said I had enough.  
 

Your boyfriend needs to deal with his issues before you have a healthy relationship.  He isn’t going to be with you 24/7 and chatting with another guy regarding your relationship issues may be borderline troublesome to someone like me, but I wouldn’t have much issue with a girlfriend or family to offer advice.  I realize I shouldn’t be insecure about my girlfriend having guy friends, but sometimes I feel they could be orbiters waiting for their “opportunity” to offer comfort while we are having issues.  
 

The most important thing that someone mentioned above is once respect is lost and efforts aren’t being made to improve, then it isn’t worth fighting for any longer.  Good luck!

First you shouldn’t feel guilt for moving on after she broke things off.  Why expend energy, time, and resources on someone that isn’t sure you are the one they want to spend their life with.  She needs to know that she broke it off for whatever reason and you aren’t obligated to wait until she figures out what she wants in life.  
 

I understand the pain as nothing other than her decision made the relationship fizzle out.  Sometimes it would be easier if she did you wrong in someway.  I was in a relationship where a girlfriend was upset that I was with another women before we even started dating.  She caught feelings for me, but never told me and then tried to guilt trip me like I’m supposed to have been a mind reader.  It is unreasonable for her to expect you to wait and if an agreement was made, then maybe I could understand, but she made the decision to move on without you.  
 

Life is too short spending time with someone that isn’t sure you are worth spending time with.  As others have stated, she must think she owns your life and time.  You are an independent person and made a lot of sacrifices to try and make it work.  It wasn’t sufficient for her and you have to remember you made every effort.  Good luck!

Coming from a guy, if he is into, then he will make time to call, text, communicate with you and schedule another date.  I am sure it is the same for a woman in a relationship.  Ask yourself, if they truly cared, then they would reach out.  A relationship just from texts and calls can be difficult and you should meet up more often if the connection truly exists.

I am in a relationship and was introduced to family and friends, but it is still confusing as you never know a persons true intentions.  Good luck!

18 hours ago, RickLee said:

Facts:

She's 26. Im 31. Attractiveness (Being Honest) she is like 4-5 and Im like 5-6) We knew eachother since we were kids around 9 years old but I moved away early on to another state. Not until we were both adult (Her 24. Me 29) I found her on Facbook and we started catching up. At that point I lived 2hrs away so she decided to visit me.

Long story short, the beginning of the relationship was good even though it was long distance. We would we take turns visiting eachother every other weekend or evening up to a month with not seeing eachother. We went on trips, little mini vacations and we were having a blast. As a note I was paying for mostly everything and she would pitch in for food other things. She didn't have much money and I have a good paying job. 

Before I continue: Her personality is somewhat odd or I could never really understand it. Some info about her.

1. She's had 2 legitimate relationships her whole life up until me. A couple dates.

2. When she drinks(gets buzzed) she gets more daring to try things but when she is sober you can not get her to do anything daring(super reserved). She told me she had s$x with a guy at a party buzzed back in her day.  When she was sober and dating me , I would persuade her to send me nude pics but she always refused. Then one weekend she had a girls night out(She drinks). She facetimes me and then starts showing me her breast as a tease.

3. After the her 2nd relationship she never got back into a relationship until she got with me 5 years later after her last. 

4. She is poor with text messaging. She doesn't read or respond my messages correctly. Sometimes she writes back with sentences that dont make sense. 

5. It always seemed like her friends and ex's were taking advantage of her by the stories she would tell me.

6. She grew up not showing affection or receiving affection from her parents. Hug greets are weird to her even from her friends.

 

Then, 

When we had gone to one of our mini vacations. She asked me to look something up on her phone while she was doing her hair. I open it and she had Snapchat currently open. I noticed that there were a couple messages that were directed to guys i didn't know. And most of the message replies were only a day to 3 old. I open the most recent message and realized she had sent the guy pictures of her (Not sexual) (Selfies). I asked her who was he and she panicked. Then we had a huge argument. She goes under the sheets and starts doing things with her phone. I kept telling her to let me see her phone I want to see the other messages. She cried say no, and then I told her if she does not let me see it then we are breaking up. I even told her, " Look if youre talking to other guys just let me know. It's okay. Just tell me the truth" She denied it. Then we leave that vacay and I break up with her.  She begged to get back together I said no. Then 3 or 4 days later we see each other and sort of work things out and get back together. I loved her by that point and I was willing to accept it and move on. 

Then,

We continue our long distance relationship. Then one weekend I decided to surprise her by visiting her on a Saturday night. As a note, she mentioned a week prior to that weekend that her friend was having a birthday party for her dad. At that point we had not seen eachother for a month because we were both busy working. I text her 10min before arriving in her area. She tells me she needs to go pick up some boxes from one of her friends that she ordered. I was like okay. We meet. She didn't bother hugging me or giving me a kiss or simply be excited to see me. I was bothered but hid it from her. We hang out for a bit. Then she tells me that its going to take her 43mins to go and 43mins to comback plus how ever long she stays talking with her friend. I was suspicious but I tell her okay. It was 830pm. Then I go out and hang out at the bars until 12am. I get to the hotel by 1:10am and text her if she was coming. I call her 2x, no response. Then she texts me that she's dropping the boxes at her house. ( I believed that she went to pick up the boxes but I know she went to her friends party afterwards. Then I get frustrated so I leave the hotel and head home. She calls me and we have this argument. Even before this we were already having some issues that I was bottling  up inside. So I let her have it. I basically told her that she prioritizes being with other people than me. She could have easily canceled her plans with her friends and had given me the night for us.  But that didnt happen.  We both get upset at eachother and we decide to break it up.

Then a 2 weeks later. I talk to her trying to get answers and clarity to what was going on with her. She doesn't really give a me a clear response but Im like okay. We're both hurt and kinda want to get together but things were different. I was willing to drop everything from the past and try again. Even though she agreed to do the same her actions made her feel distance to me. Then one weekend I surprise her by staying the night where she lived. Before we saw eachother that night she was going to have a girls night out then see me afterwards. It was 2am when she calls me and tells me that she was on her way to the hotel. She gets to the hotel. I try hugging her or give her my jacket because she said it was cold. She refused both of them. We get inside and right away she get into bed and me too. We cuddle for a bit and then we get down to business. It was the greatest love making for the both of us that night. Prior to that I knew she was kinda buzzed. We were doing things we never did before. Key NOTE: We did very intimate things except KISSING. Ill reach for a kiss but she would alwasy turn away. In other words she was leading and pushing me in ways to let me know what she wanted. We had gone so many rounds, it was great. It was clear she was definitely pleased. She was never like this in bed before. It was always hard to read what she liked and didnt like in bed. She was the most challenging partner Ive come to try to figure out how to please. 

Then BOOM:

As a note: I was also a little more than buzzed that night so it was really hard to control or forsee when I was going to ejaculate. I decided to buy Plan B as a precaution for that night in case we did decided to make love and I was not in full control of myself. Note: We are both in consent and both agree to use Plan B when necasary. We had actually used it a couple times before for certain accidents that had happened. 

After we had finished. We lay in bed and I tell her that, "Hey I think I came in you a couple times because I couldnt tell if I pulled out in time. I got Plan B just in case" She got mad tell me how I couldn't control myself. But I remind her Hey I got plan B its okay. Then she tells me that Plan B is not the problem but that she was just mad. Then she starts talking to me about how she had different opportunities back in her day to date guys that  were interested in her and now they have kids with other girls.  She said that that could have been her. This reminiscing talk got me so confused. I didnt know if I should be jealous, mad, or think deeper about it. I dont say anything because I did not want to start a fight. She lives home and I leave the hotel that night as well. 

Before she left I ask her. Hey so I know we're both hurt still but where do you stand in the idea of getting back together or working towards that? She tells me we just have to see. That was such a vague response so I push her further by rewording the question. She finally says, I do want to get back together but we'll have to see. I was like okay. We'll see how it goes. 

Weeks later. Now our communication is super poor.  I try sending her emojis with messages and she is just text only. I ask if Im moving too fast or if my hearty emojis were bother her. She said no. She takes way longer to respond. She tells me sorry that she couldnt respond but I see that her Snapchat active points had increased immensely during the period I was waiting for her to respond. Point is she was messaging other people and telling me she  didnt have time. But she did mention that she can come visit me the weekend after. 

So my question is? Does she still have feelings for me? Am I now a fxxkboy to her? What's going through her mind?

 

 

Every relationship is different so take what I say from my own experience.  I am in a relationship and texting can be hit or miss as people get busy.  Sometimes I get a quick response and a photo of what they are doing like eating, shopping, etc. I prefer calls as I always get confused the content of texts.  The confusing texts that don’t make sense could reveal she may be an alcoholic, but I don’t know her or her habits.

The issue I see is that she blames everyone else, but doesn’t take into account how her actions could have impacted the relationships.  We all know it takes 2 people to continue a relationship/friendship.  I highly doubt all of her issues were one sided.  

She might be seeking attention and would hate to generalize, but check out “daddy issues”.  Not sure if it is relevant if she wasn’t shown much love growing up and she seeks attention from others.  Also I’ve had similar situations where we would get into an argument and then she would go out drinking.  She would return home and then take advantage of me, but hardly any kissing.  Same thing passionate sex, but awkward as it seems it is missing the connection of kissing and seems the alcohol is taking over.  
 

These incidences make me question how she is drunk without me around.  I am in a relationship where I told her the next time communication breaks down and she can’t control her alcohol consumption, then I am gone.  As our values don’t align.  Your gf could be distant as she is confused on what she really wants.  I wouldn’t continue if she isn’t taking steps to meet you halfway be it with communication, transparency, etc.  

If she shuts down and honest communication can’t be conducted, then I don’t see a path forward.  She needs to feel safe to offer what is really happening with her thoughts.  It could take time and when you catch a partner in a lie, then it isn’t always going to work to interrogate them during the discovery.  They will eventually tell you the truth so you can decide to move forward or they just have enough and break it off.  It seems she would rather breakup then have an honest conversation with you.  Do you want to keep repeating the insanity of making up and then when communication breaks down breaking up?  Good luck in whatever you decide.

15 hours ago, boltnrun said:

So now you're completely fine with her going out every weekend drinking until morning and posing for and posting pics with other men? Or has she promised to stop those behaviors?

Side note, do you pay the rent or mortgage and all household expenses? Do you pay for her cell phone, car and car insurance?

It seems to happen once a month, but yeah I told her I’m done if it happens again.  She “promises” to change as she knows she needs to focus on more productive activities and can’t imagine living a life without me.  It is kind of troubling to hear her say she can’t imagine living without me in her life.  I do pay the rent and household expenses and she pays for her other expenses.  Time will tell, but I’m an optimist or wouldn’t waste more time with the relationship.  

2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

I’m sorry to hear this. I don’t like hearing people broke up. Life does go on. In future you’ll be better prepared. Keep posting on the forum. We’d like to hear what you think in the other threads also. I hope her moving goes smoothly. 

Well last night she called me after she spent some time thinking/drinking over a bottle of wine.  She apologized for her actions and wants to continue the relationship.  So odd how things work, but we both agreed that it was more difficult being apart than being together and she doesn’t want to be without me in her life.

I also agree with many posters that we are probably at different stages in our lives.  She was the one that initiated everything and told me she wants to spend a “long-time” with me.  I never spoke of any marriage.  I told her she should enjoy life and figure out if this relationship is what she truly wants and I wouldn’t be upset.  She always says she loves and wants to be with me.  So for now I will have to shelf my insecurities and focus on how she treats me which is great.  Thanks everyone!

2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

On the one hand I empathize with you and on the other you’ve already orchestrated this to fail. I think you’ve come from a place of insecurity and tried to make up for it living together too quickly.

You moved her in for the wrong reasons trying to accelerate the relationship in your own way and get to know one another better. Be more honest with yourself. Perhaps it was about control and keeping tabs early on because you’ve been burnt in the past. Go back to the very beginning and ask yourself why you felt it was necessary moving in this early. 

Second I quoted the section above as it appears she picks up on your insecurity or flightiness also. She has to constantly prove herself to you from the start. Her being half your age, the onus is really on you to know better that the likelihood of your lifestyles matching are very slim. Paired with your inherent insecurities, this is a mix for disaster. 

If you truly want to make this work, ask her what she needs from you. Have an open, mature heart to heart about how you see your lives together instead of coming at each other like this. 

Wow! Thanks for everyone’s response.  I especially appreciate your response Rose.   We did have a heart to heart a month ago, but still had the party girl issues.  We decided it is best to break it off and she is moving out this week.  The thing that hurts the most is that my insecurities messed up the relationship and probably pushed her away.  She left everything I bought for her and said she still loved me.  Life goes on and thanks for everyone’s response.  I should probably work on myself before pursuing another relationship.  This one lasted 6 months and was so intense.  It was unexpected and felt too good to be true and I actually felt a live again compared to my mundane life.  

I’ve been dating a girl about half my age and it has had some challenges we’ve had to overcome.  At the beginning I was all in on the relationship and not sure she was positive about what I was seeking.  Initially we would go on dates to local restaurants and various local hangouts.  We transitioned to traveling together for short 2-3 days trips close to the town.  Eventually things started feeling like we were more comfortable together and moved in together after dating for 2-3 months.  Within the first month she introduced me to her aunts, cousins, and other family members.  

I was hesitant to meet them since it is pretty serious to meet family members and I wanted to just move in to see if we were compatible.  She started moving the relationship faster than I would like and I met her mother and siblings, but wasn’t sure what to think of it as her mother would show me videos of a cousins wedding the past year.  She never mentioned marriage or anything else other than she could see herself spending a long-time with me.  During the time we were living together I had to travel and she did as well.  When we were apart the communication broke down and not sure how people do long-term relationships.  
 

One night while we were out in town she had her phone connected to my car Apple CarPlay.  She had to run into the store to get something and I  did some snooping and found videos and pictures of her hugging and kissing some guy from her hometown.  I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but she said I shouldn’t have checked her phone and they are old photos from the cloud that she recently downloaded due to a new phone.  I’m not a phone expert, but he dates seemed recent.  I took her answers to my questions as her being honest, but I was still confused.  I’ve read dating sites that say you must have trust in the relationship or move on.  So I decided to just trust her responses and went about our relationship.  
 

We have a great connection together and time flies when we are together, but when I go out of town on travel, communication breaks down and she seems to still be in a college girl party phase.  Some nights she says she is going to stay at a friends house and they don’t get home until 6-10am the next day since that is when she decides to call or text me she got home safely.  I question how they can stay out so late since bars usually close shop around 3-4am.  
 

Some nights she gets so wasted she forgets to call or text that she got home safe or some nights she either loses her wallet or phone.  I told her I can’t be in a relationship with someone that wants to act single, but also don’t want to be an insecure and controlling boyfriend as she is younger and may just need to get it out of her system.  Another night we were out on the town and she had to run into the store and I found more photos of another guy she was hugging and kissing.  She claims she was drunk and it was nothing and he was helping her find her phone when she lost it.  I don’t know what to believe as they could be all lies, but I hate to tell someone they are lying when they may be telling the truth.  
 

I told her it will be the last time I will stay up sleepless trying to make sure she makes it home safely as I don’t need the stress in my life.  She admitted she does need to know her limits with alcohol and also she would stop going out if it meant I would stay in her life.  I agreed and just waiting for the next mistake that occurs.  I don’t want to have her stop having fun with her friends, but at the same time I know guys mission when going to bars is to dance and eventually find someone to go home with.  I know from reading dating advice that when you try to control someone’s actions, then it never works out and you should either trust them or leave.
 

My mind always goes straight to the worst scenario which is some guys buying her endless amounts of drinks and eventually taking advantage of her and taking her home.  I have no proof and she always says she swears nothing else happened, but really how many times do you get drunk to the point you can’t recall the events of the evening and early morning.  I would just like to know if I’m being unreasonable or if I should have walked a while ago.  Thanks for reading my dating issues.